Young With the Soul of an Old Man

Follow Me

2009-04-26T14:09:00.003-04:00

Well, I got yet ANOTHER updated way of findin' out what the heck is up with me. Upon much persuasion, I've gotten in on the whole Twitter phenomenon. Obviously, without me needing to type of a whole essay's worth of thoughts, you'll probably notice that I'll be tweeting more than blogging. I DON'T believe the blog will die because of it, but sometimes, ya just don't feel like typing out a whole bunch of stuff to validate a blog entry.

http://www.twitter.com/souledout504

Come on and go with me...

-B

Back In Stride

2009-04-01T20:24:00.002-04:00

Schoolhouse Rock is going green! Schoolhouse Rock! Earth has all the heart and musical soul of the original Schoolhouse Rock, designed for a new generation of fans! Eleven all-new songs with all-new animation prove that caring about the environment can be rockin fun! The orignal Schoolhouse Rock masters have written all new songs sung by beloved voices from timeless classics like I'm Just A Bill and Conjunction Junction. There couldn't be a better time to be educated and entertained about water conservation, recycling, biodiversity, solar power and the rainforest, the Schoolhouse Rock way!

After who knows how many years, a whole DVD full of NEW Schoolhouse Rock! Y'all already know I got it copped, locked, and loaded!

-B

Cheatin' Is 2

2009-03-26T21:41:00.004-04:00

There has been a considerable amount of talk and discussion regarding infidelity in relationships. Cheating has always had a well-deserved ugly head put on it, and there will always be people who fear it as the approach and maintain the relationships they are currently in. I would watch a TON of court and talk shows when I was in college (escapism was GREAT at that age), and a lot of the problems these people were reporting had infidelity at its center. (S)He cheated on me, and since then, this big snowball happened. I tune in to Steve Harvey’s Strawberry Letter segment all the time, and frequently, the problem in the letter revolves around cheating.

A lot of times, the main question people want to know is why. We, as human beings, enjoy knowing the reasoning stimuli behind occurrences, as it gives us the ability to avoid, plan for, or manipulate them. With the devastating emotional effects that cheating has on both men and women, people want to know what they can do to avoid having their mate or spouse cheat on them. As anyone with sense can tell you, men and women are programmed differently, so I’m sure that if you ask a man why men cheat and ask a woman why women cheat, you’ll get different answers. Well, I am not a woman, so I cannot say why women cheat or what a man can do to stop a woman from cheating. I AM a man, though, and can provide my take on why MEN cheat. This is not an all-encompassing universal list of reasons, but it’s my take on the top 3 principles of why men cheat.

Before I start this list, let me just say that cheating in ANY circumstance is wrong. In no way is this blog an excuse to excuse or validate someone cheating. Foolish reasons like “if my woman always accuses me of cheating and I’m not, I might as well” are stupid in whatever context you arrange it in. If you are down bad to the point that you’re down bad, then you’re down bad. My blog ain’t here to wash you clean.

I think a lot of cheating is really done out of greed, and is really the basis for all of this. I put the two together, because the concepts kinda mold into one. If you have a man that is greedy, then he will simply go out and cheat because of his insatiable appetite. This is a problem, as the greed plays on the economic concept of “infinite wants vs. finite resources” (wow, trivia from college! Woo hoo!), which basically says that human nature will always want more than the world can provide. REASONABLE and DECENT and CARING people know how to put this in check, however, and would rather remain monogamous to the one person and accentuate their positives (cause nobody’s perfect).

It then comes down to a glass half full/half empty concept, in which good monogamous men see the woman they have and celebrate what she DOES have, where as the low down ones lament what she DOESN’T have, which fuels their desire to venture out to meet that need. Whether it is a personal defect or something minute as “I wanted some, and she didn’t wanna give me none”, these cheapos like to take this road, because they feel they can put some of the culpability on the woman’s shoulders. Better to cheat as a victim than to just randomly get caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

This is also why some men cheat, because they see what they want, KNOWING it’s something they aren’t supposed to have. Temptation is a part of EVERYONE’S life, man, woman, and child. The line is drawn at the point you RESIST temptation vs. egging it on. We KNOW what’s at stake when the opportunity to cheat presents itself (ESPECIALLY when it’s “NEEDLESS/TRIVIAL”). The line is drawn when a good man turns it down because he knows a temporary high isn’t worth it, as opposed to a dog who ONLY cares about the high and that which will make HIM feel good. This mindset reminds me of Kid in the first House Party movie, where he said “well, I guess I’ll just have fun now and pay for it later”. These men who treat emotions/hearts like credit cards (buy now/pay later) forget the hidden fees sometimes, or….simply don’t care.

Fear/Greed: Where’s the fear? Simple. The fear comes because men KNOW when they have a good thing. Whether they have a good woman or they have a woman who will tolerate them, they want to KEEP the one they care for or hold on to their best hand. They don’t want to lose the GOOD thing, which is why the cheating is done in the dark. Nobody wants to be without a good thing, but again, when this fear is coupled with greed, somebody's set to come up short.
Ego: Greedy idiots who are run by their own ego and arrogance will poison whoever they're with. These are the guys who just KNOW they're the shit and they step out because they feel like being with multiple women and/or being in multiple simultaneous relationships validates their manhood or that they feel like women SHOULD be throwing themselves at him, so he allows it to happen. Most people know that all men are egotistical to a degree, but there are some who just love the rush they get from getting it stroked that they become addicted to it. Having one woman isn't enough, because they know that they are desired by others. Again, when the inability to fend off the temptations that come with being desired, you creep over that line to being a cheating dog. These are the guys who feed the "good man recession" idea, and figure that as long as they give the woman a little bit of something good, she is to lap up whatever he brings to her world. A lot of the guys who just brazenly cheat without any regard for the consequences involved are usually feeding into this foolishness.
Invincibility Cloak: There are a lot of guys who have the belief that they are impervious, and the consequences of infidelity will not get to them because they feel they are just that good. They feel that if they stay on top of the layers and layers of lies they have put into play, they simply will never get caught. They “know” their women, and they know what to tell them, figuring that they will remain in the fog of lies and circle-jerkage as long as they want them to. Of course, this will lead to a blunder, and the house of cards will eventually come crashing down (darkness coming to light), but until that time comes, these “weak souls” do it because they feel they can get all the benefits of having multiple partners without suffering the arrows of infidelity.

This circumstance goes into play HEAVILY when a man is with a woman who doesn’t stand her ground or enforce her desire to be with a man who will be faithful to her. A man will prey on a woman who doesn’t enforce her desires of the relationship and just lets the man have his way, even though he CLEARLY has obligations to uphold.
Separation of Extracurricular Affairs and Emotion: Men are physiologically programmed differently than women, and this clash frequently comes in the arena of sexual encounters. Men have been known to view sexual activity as a sacred act to those we have our hearts invested in, while strictly going through the motions to achieve an orgasm when dealing with people who DON’T mean as much. This separation of sexual church and state leaves certain men with the mindset of trying to justify the cheating by playing up what it did and didn’t mean. They erroneously feel that if the sex didn’t mean anything, it’s excusable by some kind of man law. They fail to take into account the emotional ramifications of THE ACT. They believe that explaining how much it DIDN’T mean with a jumpoff in contrast to how much it DOES mean with his woman should mitigate his culpability or soothe her emotional core. I have yet to hear this state of mind work. I liken it to murder. I don’t care if the murder was over someone owed you $200, the ACT of murder has still been committed, and the blood of the deed remains on your hands.
A Better Option: Chris Rock once joked “a man is basically as faithful as his options.” Men are visual, and sometimes, being presented with a “better” option may lead them to step out and experience this whole new world. They may come across a seductress with a boom-bam-kerpow body, or she may offer to bring things to his life that he isn’t experiencing in his current relationship. From here, he will take the low road, and gamble the good for the now. Of course, all that glitters isn’t gold, and catastrophic results follow.

Again, regardless of reason, cheating is not cool, and is not reflections of the woman’s shortcomings. The principle is still simple: if the urge to seek unagreed relationship alternatives, it is always the correct course of action to end the current relationship. That way, the ties and obligations of commitment will no longer apply, and one can be morally free to review other applications.

-B

She's A Bad Mamma Jamma

2009-03-26T19:08:00.002-04:00

I was asked who my celebrity wife would be. One of my main choices is tennis great Serena Williams. Why, you ask?

GAME ON!!!!!

-B

Three is A Magic Number

2009-03-09T14:23:00.003-04:00

A man and a woman had a little baby
Yes, they did
They had three in the family
And that's a magic number

-B

Questions

2009-03-07T11:34:00.007-05:00

This is a pretty good book, giving women the inside scoop on the thought process of men, and how they can use this train of thought to try and close the communication gap between the genders. He presents some real talk between the covers, and I found myself agreeing with much of it. I won't go into detail, as not to spoil the book for those who are reading it or plan to read it.

However, the last chapter is a questionnaire called "Quick Answers to the Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask", where women were allowed to shoot Steve some questions men want to know from men. Seeing as I can give my own introspective without ruining the book, I decided to give it my own shot at it. I will try to keep my answers as concise as possible.

What Do Men Find Sexy?
It all depends on the man. Everybody is attractive to SOMEBODY. There is no universally sexy set of circumstances that will work on everyone. Men, as a collective, DO find confidence, versatility, and intelligence attractive, though. Anything on the outside is a toss-up, though.
How Do Men Feel About Plastic Surgery, Weaves, Colored Contacts, Fake Nails, etc?
Most good men don't put too much stock into it, because they feel like you are trying to cover up the beauty in the real you beneath it. A man who is truly into you will enjoy YOU. Most fake men will feel lied to when they discover that your boobs AREN'T that big and half your physical accentuations AREN'T really yours. A guy who just wants sex knows that you can't stick a fake vagina between your legs, so he won't care.
How Do Men Feel About Dating Women Who Are Significantly Younger Than Them?
Like some women who date younger men, some men like younger women because it gives them the "I still got it" ego boost. Some younger people give the older person that shot of youth and vitality. Then again, there are some people who are just genuinely into younger people. No PARTICULAR universal feeling about it. As long as they're happy, they're happy.
Do Men Prefer Skinny or Thick Women?
As with the first question, it depends on the man. There are some men who nitpick and use the slightest bit of pudge to call a woman nasty/fat, and there are some men who won't look TWICE at a petite/skinny woman without some thickness to her *raises hand*. So, it depends on the man.
Will You Date or Marry A Woman Who Smokes?
Nope. In my mind, a woman who smokes is VERY ugly. It's just a very unladylike characteristics, in addition to the health risks involved. As for me, smoking is a deal-breaker.
What Do Men Think of Their Women When They Gain Weight, or Look Different Than They Did in the Beginning of the Relationship?
The first thing I would wonder is what was the man doing as she was putting the weight on? Most drastic physical changes don't happen overnight, so if it were a problem, the man should have stepped up and nipped it in the bud. If he sees it affecting his woman's self-esteem and he CARES, he'll step up and help her out. Only a lazy man would sit around, whine about her new look, and feel like he is being led/forced to cheat. Men like this need to get better.
Do Men Prefer Women in Flats or Heels?
I have no idea what it is about heels, but it just adds an element of arousal to her. I'm neither a foot nor leg fetish man, but a woman with heels on looks quite good. However, a woman in heels who CAN'T WALK IN THEM is a turn-off. Don't put on what you can't pull off.
Would A Man Date A Dumb Woman?
Intellect and non-intellect are two opposites that DON'T attract. An unintelligent woman is a burden to an intelligent man. A good man will not put up with that for too long.
What Do Men Think of Women Who Buy Men Drinks?
They will be thinking that they have it a bit easier and the power is in their hand. They will accept the drink, but don't be surprised if they push harder on you. Then, again, there are men who feel that women who do that are trying to infringe upon their ability to provide for them, they will be a bit offended. Most men aren't like that.
How Do Men Feel About Women Who Drink?
Drinking is not a problem with men AS LONG AS SHE CAN HANDLE HER LIQUOR. Men lose respect for a careless lush. Moderation is key, and anything in excess is not a good thing.
Should A Woman Buy A Man Gifts While They're Dating?
She can, but be careful and understand if a man doesn't want to accept it. Men look at a lot of spontaneous gifts pre-commitment as a means of "locking him down" or placing him under obligation. Men have an eye for women trying to use their own tactics and turning gifts into investments when they want a return. Those same things that were "just because" become "I GOT YOU ALL THIS FOR A REASON!" If you're going to make something a gift, make it a GIFT.
How Do Men Feel About Women Who Ask For Money?
Men are about as leery about spending pre-commitment money as women are about having pre-commitment sex. Most men are VERY hesitant to spend copious sums on a woman that he doesn't want something from. Men have that "gold digger" flag in the waist of their pants like an NFL ref, and they are quick to throw it. If he's into you and committed to you, he's down, but if not, don't be surprised if the request is met with resistance.
Would Men Help Their Woman Build Her Business?
If he cares, you'll have to fight him to stop him. A man's job is to care for and provide for those he cares about. As her man, it is his job to be her #1 fan, and if he cares, he's gonna do what he can to help out.
Do You Mind If Your Woman Doesn't Work?
The Bible doesn't say that a woman HAS to work, but if she isn't working, she better be doing SOMETHING with her life. Whether it's making a home or whatnot, she better be doing something. A good man won't tolerate a woman who just isn't doing anything.
How Do Men Really Feel About Women Drivers?
There are good drivers of both genders, like there are bad. It spreads the spectrum.
Does It Matter If A Woman Likes Sports?
It really doesn't matter, as it relates to being relationship material, but not all men like sports, either. If he's into sports, it's a plus, because it becomes another means of stepping into one another's world. It's rarely a deal breaker.
Do Men Like Shopping?
We like shopping for us or shopping with a purpose. Just hanging around a mall ain't necessarily our bag.
How Do Men Feel About Interracial Dating?
Men, for the most part, don't care about who THEY date, but some have issues with OTHERS doing it. I know of African-American guys who would date a white woman with no problems, but they will get monster offended if they see an African-American woman dating a white man. I just think you should be happy.
Why Don't Men Like To Cuddle After Sex?
As the party who is generally doing a lot of work during sex (pumping, contorting, bending, bracing, balancing, squeezing, etc), during sex, once the sexual encounter is over, our body heat mixed with the retained heat on the bed has us in a hot, sweaty mess, and having another hot, sweaty body on us ain't the business. After we can cool off and recharge, we are good.
How Do You Let A Man Know That He's Not Satisfying You Sexually?
One of the big things that women should know about men is that they are all egotistical to a point. We take things and process them inwardly, ESPECIALLY if it involves something we are lacking or accentuating a shortcoming. In a situation like this, women should apply the "catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" approach. Rather than present a problem, present a solution. Try to help him. Don't dog him out about it, as most men really care about how they please their women. Present the advice in a solution-based manner, so that way, you give him the opportunity to improve. If he just can't cut it THEN, you gotta keep it real and let him know in about as caring a manner as you can. Just make sure you give him a chance to step his game up first.
What If We Want More Sex, and We're Not Getting It?
This kind of stuff should be talked about before the two people get sexual. The sexual needs and urges should be COMMUNICATED. Some women figure that if they never talk about sex, then the guy won't push a sexual agenda. The woman should know what kind of man she's dealing with. In most cases, if she wants to step it up, he'll be willing to move along with her. Again, you can make a lot of things easier by simple communication. Not a drawn-out "lemme ask you something" thing, but just real conversation.
How Long is Too Long to Hold Out on Sex If We're Not Fighting?
I really can't answer that question. Sex is a delicate issue with men, ESPECIALLY if it's in a committed situation. Men can't stand when sex is withheld as a bargaining chip or an item of payback. When that's coupled with the fact that most women cherish monogamous sexual partners, if a man is prohibited from having sex with the person he's remaining faithful to, he will see a problem with it. I can't say there's a justified timeline, but again, moderation is key.
How Can A Woman Tell If Her Man is on the Down Low?
I have no idea. Women's intuition can pick up on a lot of things, so I would say trust your instincts.
How Do Men Feel About Open Relationships?
This is a hypocritical issue with most men, because they enjoy their ability to step out without their woman trippin' about it, but they have an issue with their women steppin' out with other men (I guess it's the whole Alphamale thing). Then, there are guys who want relationships and openly want the woman to themselves and they're against it. Then, again, there are the ones who just want what they want, so (again) they could care less about what she's doing or who she's with. As long as he's gettin' his.
Do Men Get Bothered When You Ask Them About Their Past?
Yea, men get bothered by it, because they feel like it's emotional probing. We would rather you deal with us as we are. I liken this to most women not being honest and straightforward about their "number" (of sexual partners).
How Do You Feel About A Woman Who Does Not Want Your Last Name After Marriage?
I think that men have a problem with that, as it has this underlying implication of his wife not wanting to submit to her husband and let him be the leader of his family. I know in certain professional situations, a woman may need to hyphenate her last name, but most men believe that a woman should take her husband's last name.
Is It Good To Make Your Man Jealous So He Knows You Can Get Another Man If You Wanted To?
Nope. Purposely planting the seeds of jealousy will not bear good fruit, because it's based on the element of fear. Mates should not have to scare each other into acting right. Believe me, if your man is TRULY into you, he's already aware that another man finds you attractive as well.
Are Men Okay With Their Women Having Male Friends?
Most men don't trust their women around a bunch of men. It's like parents tell kids: it's not that I don't trust YOU, I don't trust THEM. A man likes to know that he's the man, and a ton of OTHER men around his woman can inadvertently arouse suspicions. Again, not of her, but of them.
Why Do Some Men Hit Women?
Most women-beaters are weaklings, cowards, and unable to communicate. Anger is the easiest emotion to convey, and if a woman is around a man who is that unstable and feels like anger and violence is the only way to get his point across, she needs to get help to leave.
What About Girlfriends-How Do You Feel About Them?
*glances at book again to understand the question* Men embrace their women having girlfriends, because just like men need their boys, women need their girls. Get down, girl, go head, get down.
How Do Men Feel About Gossip?
Men don't like gossip. It's like needlessly getting involved in drama, because that's what most gossip is rooted in.
Will Men Talk About Their Women to Other Men?
Men are VERY protective of women who mean a lot to them. They shield them from the arrows that others may throw. Men know that their are people who hate on happiness, and they note it when they talking about the women who don't mean as much to them. We do this because we are emotionally invested is these women ans we don't want anything to happen to them. It's like the first line of defense in protecting our women. Men may talk ABOUT their women, but rarely do we just open the gates and spill our guts.
Is Getting on His Mom's Side Important?
It's been said that fathers are protective of their daughters and mothers are protective of their sons. The man's mother is the closest woman to him and she is the woman who knows him best, so please believe that his mother's input on the woman will have a bearing on his conclusions about her. To expect to get into a man's good graces without getting along with the mother is not easy.
If A Man's Sister Doesn't Like His Girlfriend, Will He Break Up With Her?
Depending on her reasons, he will or won't. If he knows his sister is conniving, he won't worry, but if she notices her flirting with every male family member she sees, please believe the sister will whistle blow. I think it all depends on the relationship he has on his sister. He'll at least hear her out.
If He Doesn't Like Your Family, Will He Stay With You?
It depends on how tied to the family the woman is. Then again, the man should know about the woman's family before he gets serious. He will want to know of the people that are closest to his woman. If she chooses family and trying to calm the man down, he's gonna go and leave you to be with your family.
How Do Men Feel About Baby Daddy?
I really don't think I'm qualified to speak on this, due to my views on dating women with children.
Will My Man Expect Me to Be Friends With His Child's Mother?
If he cares about you, he'll make room for the two of you to befriend each other IF YOU TWO WANT THAT. Obviously, she's gonna be a mainstay in his life because of the child, so he wants you to know about her and to open dialogue so that you are comfortable with her place in his life and that you be comfortable with it. A man cherishes his woman's comfort level.
Is It Okay to Interrupt His Day at Work to Talk?
It really all depends on what she's calling to talk about. If it's important or something to add a bit of spice/happiness to the day, it's all good. If it's a call to gossip and on some "look what happened" stuff, let him work.
What's the International Man Signal For "I'm No Longer Listening to You"?
Listen to him. If he's like "let's find a solution and end this", he's tuning out. He's giving you an out to end it while he's still listening. Also, when you notice him start to space out
Do Men Like Women Who Cook More Than Women Who Don't?
Two sides to this one as well. Men like women who enjoy doing things for their man, but on the other hand, if she doesn't, we can appreciate a woman who is willing to learn to cook or learn to cook WITH him. It's an opportunity for quality time, which is its own plus.
Do Men Secretly Evaluate Whether You'll Be A Good Mother, Homemaker, etc?
If you are a woman we want to cultivate something with, we factor ALL that in. If you're just a jump-off or whatever, we could care less, because it has nothing to do with our destination. A man's evaluation all depends on how he sees you. If he JUST wants sex, he'll only look at the aspects surrounding that. If he's about wanting you around for the long-term, he's keeping mental notes. He won't always say, but I PROMISE, he's paying attention.
How Do Men Feel About the Way A Woman Keeps Her House?
It most definitely matters, because a person's house is their sanctuary, and if you don't value your sanctuary enough to keep it up (ESPECIALLY when you know we're coming for a certain time), it speaks negative things about her. Besides seeing you in a condition that looks less than desireable, it says we aren't worth you neatening up. I think more importantly (to me, at least), is how clean her BATHROOM is. I understand I may have caught you in the middle of laundry on the weekend, but a dirty bathroom is inexcusable (and nasty).
Are Men Looking For Specific Details, Like Credit, When They're Considering Long-Term Commitment?
Things like this let us know what the woman is/was like before we came into her life. Before it becomes a write-off, though, I think it should be something you should talk about. There are situations where credit has been affected by circumstances that are reasonable. Now, if your credit is bad due to fiscal irresponsibility, it translates as a red flag. Irresponsible women are a huge turn-off.
Would A Man Follow A Woman Who Has to Move Because of Her Career?
Unless he's VERY committed and into you and sees a return on the investment, he will stay where he's at. Picking up and moving for someone is a HUGE step, and if he's not into you like that, he will remain local.
Will Men Go To Counseling?
If he feels the woman is worth it, he will do it without question. Otherwise, he will see it as her trying to get reinforcements to CHANGE him (and most men are resistant to other people trying to MAKE them change). How this woman fits into his life and his heart will determine that. I would definitely say that men won't do this with anyone he's not serious with.
How Do Men Feel About Surprises?
Men love knowing that a woman has tailored and customized an experience for her man's liking. However, some men are iffy about that in the beginning, because certain men may associate receiving gifts with an investment he doesn't agree with that she may try to get returns on later.
Do Men Worry About Their Woman Cheating?
Usually, men who are either insecure or doing dirt are the ones who worry about their woman cheating on them. I say that because someone who is insecure plays up their own shortcomings and overemphasizes others' strong points to the point that they feel less than worthy. The ones who do the dirt are the ones who know what it's like to handle business off on the side and try to hide it, so thoughts roll through about whether or not SHE is handlin' business, too.

I know this was a long list (I didn't know it would have been this long at the start), but hey, it's real talk.

-B

Get Better

2009-02-28T20:06:00.002-05:00

Men, men, men, men. Lemme talk to you for a minute. We got some things we need to discuss. Women of today are being let down and left for loneliness at an alarming rate, due to our selfishness and immaturity. We really need to get better. Man to man, I just need to voice some of the concerns that the ladies are having in which WE need to get it together. There's no gimmick or special numbering mechanism in place here. It's just real talk. Of course, I'm speaking to the brothers out there with a heart and a conscience, as most heartless people don't care anyway and are just out for themselves.

Figure Out What You Want: A lot of times, we are motivated by what we want (cars, clothes, clout, etc.), and we should. We are hunter/gatherers. We are bred by instinct to seek out that which we want and bring it into our world. The problem is that the laxed attitude of figuring out exactly WHAT we want in our world in certain areas of life DON'T translate well when dealing with women. The way we can go into a store, pick up three shirts, look at the best things about them all, buy them, and keep them in a calculated rotation does NOT work when dealing with women. The whole thing of getting with a woman and SEEMINGLY "not knowing what you want" will only lead to emotional deterioration. I say seemingly, because we all know WHAT we want, but we fear either not getting it by making it known, or we figure we can play the "over time, I can convince her to change the no to a yes" GAME (that's right, I said it). Men CONSTANTLY say they hate when a woman gets with them, thinking they can "change" him, so why the hell do WE feel that if we throw emotional jabs at a woman, we can "change" them? Where is the allowed double standard that makes this twisted thought process work?
Get Control of Your Emotions: Piggybacking on the first thing, this item here is a BIG problem amongst men. When we want what we want and we see what we want, we know that the last step is to man up and go GET IT. The problem (when dealing with a woman) is, a LOT of men go to these situations with their hearts, egos, and fear of rejection on their sleeves. We want the encounter to go just as we want it to, and we want to get the girl. We want to assure her that our motives are on the up and up, we aren't players, we are good guys, and we want to be good guys to them, ALL in the beginning.

However, when we DON'T meet the mark (and no man will ALWAYS meet it), our crushed ego and hurt feelings won't allow us to leave the encounter at her polite decline. We have to go into "guerilla ego" mode, by making ourselves feel better by demeaning this SAME woman we thought was so beautiful and had so much to offer. We need to stop that and either learn to appreciate the word no, as not all that glitters is gold.

This concept is also a problem when this same principle stops us from even approaching in the first place. Women can sniff out manufactured confidence, so we feel that if we can't go in and be PERFECT, better to not go in at ALL. The problem with that train of thought is that not only do we not get what we want, we also let golden opportunities pass us by. You cannot learn if you never open the book. As we MAN UP and just say hi, we will find ourselves a lot more successful than we think.

The last thing I'll touch on as it relates to this topic is the "I can't commit to you, as I've been hurt in the past" GAME. Listen, brothers. We need to STOP with this foolishness. If you feel like you can't commit, don't put yourself in the position to have this request made of you. I'll touch on it in detail later, but leave this EXCUSE in the dust. If you need time to heal, FALL BACK and heal. Also, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND WHO HAS BEEN HURT BEFORE! Stop making this bullshit appeal like you're breaking some new ground, and for that reason, should be forbidden from having responsibilities demanded of you. Finally, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO HEAL?! Life is a "no risk, no reward" business. If you ALWAYS let the failures of the past prohibit you from taking a chance on your future, you'll end up a SAD case. Let's be honest, though. It's all a front to stop a woman from requiring more from you, while still being allowed to have your way with her. We need to get better.
Recognize Quality When You Have It: SO many women, SO SO SO many women are plagued with this problem. GOOD women who would make a WONDERFUL girlfriend/spouse are left alone because men are blinded by the short-term feeling of infatuation and/or vagina. Men who equate their worth with how many women call them or want them. If you find yourself with a woman you're digging and who's digging you, it is YOUR job as a man to recognize when you got quality, because I PROMISE you, if you don't, another man will. There are a lot of women out there who are NOT out for our money or status, but just want to be in a GOOD, WHOLESOME relationship with the security of long-term togetherness. All this half-hearted connection bullshit just to save face and be in someone else's face will leave you with a face full of yourself.

"The most beautiful woman in the world is your ex-woman on the arm of another man..."

Don't victimize yourself, brothers.
Vagina Isn't Always Right: The power of the P-U-SS-Y. Yea, the urge for sex is a trait that we, as males, will always possess. We can't get around it. The PROBLEM is that this is the MAIN problem that cockblocks us from not only OUR happiness, but the happiness of those who we would be a good fit for (no pun intended). While we possess the urge to have sex, we, as humans, were also blessed with the concept of SELF-CONTROL. Let me say that again. SELF-CONTROL. Your penis may want to jump out and do touchdown dances in a moist cave all it wants to, but WE need to learn to CONTROL it, instead of letting IT control US. We pass over perfectly GOOD women we respect and admire to entertain the easy catch we don't and won't give a damn about after it's over. These booty calls, side pieces, and jumpoffs need to become a thing of the past, because they VERY RARELY end up at any kind of desireable end point. Getting the jumpoff pregnant and having your life stapled to a woman you can't stand/barely know is NOT the business!

This combined with #2 is lethal. Guys, if we want sex, just go and say that. We need to stop getting these women attached to us, thinking there is a future, when all we see is the future between her legs. I know a COUPLE women who would entertain the notion of sex with men who would just come up and make their intentions known up front. Removing the super strength adhesive of a woman's emotions after you've used her is a sticky, messy, and dangerous situation. We don't make it ANY easier for the REAL men who actually WANT something with this woman. We only give the good men MORE hoops to jump through to make up for the lesson we taught her. This is NOT a good look, and we need to get better.
Stop Making Excuses: Men, we...*sigh* we always have a reason or an excuse as to why what WE'RE doing is SO MUCH different than what the next man who's doing the SAME thing is doing. Part of manning up is taking RESPONSIBILITY for exactly what it is that you want. Again, if you just wanna hit it, SAY THAT. Sure, you risk rejection at a much higher rate, but the woman will APPRECIATE the fact that you spared her the empty investment. We don't appear to be any more of a man if we are constantly trying to break free from the chains we put ourselves in. If you fuck up, man up and take your charge. Don't try to weasel your way out of your shortcoming, but expect to give the woman HELL when she misses the mark. We only show OUR insecurity that way, and we can turn OUR beauty to ugliness in her eyes.

It all comes down to being smart. If you know that in the long term, this woman is worth the effort, you will do what you need to do to make it work. If you don't care about the woman one way or the other, LET HER GO! Stop keeping these women in emotional bondage because it's all about you. Moving on...
Stop Accepting Benefits You Can't Pay For: This right here I think is the MAIN thing that gets us in hot water with women. Women seem to have a kind of "cost" system, that grants certain exclusive benefits as the two of you grow closer. It's a lovely concept that gives men they feel closer to the benefit of being so close. If this were the way we reciprocated, we wouldn't have a problem. The problem is when we TAKE the benefits, but we try to skip out on the bill. If a woman tells you she doesn't perform certain favors if she doesn't feel the relationship will lead to commitment, DON'T accept those favors if you are not willing to provide them! Stop this selfishness of taking what's being offered, then throwing up the "I never asked you for it" excuse when it's time to ante up!

When you go out to eat, you don't skip on the check, so WHY do we feel that it's okay to do a woman like that?! Taking her money, heart, and body without flinch or freeze, but when they ask that you provide the mental and emotional security of knowing that you're giving them exclusive attention, suddenly, you gotta turn the lights on and have a talk. Nah uh, Jack. The word "special" has a meaning.

Guys, we do a good bit well, and for that, we deserve a pat on the back, and our just kudos. The good things we do shine a glimmer of hope in the eyes of women who want to believe that good men DO exist. However, we really have stuff to get together. I, too, have had to learn some of these lessons the hard way, but the key is the lesson and its application. A lot of us guys have fallen in the eyes of the fairer sex, and WE need to stop pointing the fingers at women and blaming their "over-emotional attachment" on our inability to handle our business. We need to get better.

-B

Hello

2009-02-28T20:03:00.002-05:00

Hi, friends. I have missed you all, and I have missed sharing and caring through my blog. I would like to let you all know that I have not forgotten about the blog, and I plan to revisit and blab, as I have in the past. There are a few things going on with me, and I really don't know how to explain most of it. There are always questions and theories I have about love and relationships, and I think that this topic will populate my blog predominantly until I feel it no longer necessary. I don't know what it is that's come over me, but I really feel like I wanna do something. These creative juices can push and pull on you! Be on the look out!

-B

A Change Is Gonna Come

2008-09-09T20:09:00.004-04:00

After seeing both conventions and seeing what each has to bring to the table, I am officially making my endorsement.

Obama-Biden '08. Hail to the chief...

-B

Love Me Sexy

2008-09-02T18:34:00.002-04:00

One of the underrated things I believe make a man manly is a masculine scent. A good cologne can make or break an outfit and can mean the difference between a turn on and a turn off. Being an accessory man, I grew into a cologne fetish of sorts. Most people have not known exactly HOW MANY colognes I have, so I decided to solve the mystery.

212
Aramis
Aramis Life
Axe Essence
Axe Lab
Axe Phoenix
Axe Touch
Axe Unlimited
Baldessarini
Baldessarini Ambre
Baldessarini Del Mar
Bod Black
Bod Fresh Blue Musk
Bod Really Ripped Abs
Brut
Burberry
Burberry Touch
Candies
Chrome
Chrome Legend
CK One
Cool Water
Curve
Curve Chill
Curve Connect
Curve Crush
Curve Kicks
Curve Soul
Curve Wave
Dirty English
Dolce and Gabbana
Envy
Eternity
Euphoria Men
Fahrenheit
Graphite Blue
Grey Flannel
Hugo
Iceberg Twice
Indescence
Issey Miyake
Jean-Paul Gaultier
Joop!
Kenneth Cole Black
Kenneth Cole Signature
Lacoste
Lacoste Elegance
Lucky Number 6
Lucky You
Michael Jordan
Nautica
Nautica Blue
Obsession
Old Spice
Paris Hilton Man
Paul Sebastian
Perry Ellis 360
Pi
Pleasures
Polo Blue
Polo Double Black
Prada
Romance
Romance Silver
Silver Shadow
Tag Midnight
Thierry Mugler
Tommy Hilfiger
Tuscany
Unforgivable
Vera Wang
Very Sexy
Wings

Yea, it's off the chain.

-B

Happy Birthday

2008-08-20T08:55:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday TOOOOO ME!!!!!

"We wasn't supposed to make it past 25, joke's on you, we still alive!!!"

I gotta say. This feels SO good! I feel this soothing calm about myself right now, and I am entering my 26th year with high hopes and broad visions! To commemorate this monumentous occassion, I want to also say a wonderful happy birthday to my fellow August 20th birthday celebs (courtesy of Wikipedia):

1833 - Benjamin Harrison, 23rd President of the United States
1907 - Alan Reed, original voice of Fred Flintstone
1931 - Don King, American Boxing Promoter
1935 - Ron Paul, US Congressman, 1988 and 2008 presidential candidate
1942 - Isaac Hayes, American singer, songwriter, and actor (R.I.P.)
1946 - Connie Chung, American journalist
1948 - Robert Plant, British Musician (Led Zeppelin)
1954 - Al Roker, American television personality
1965 - KRS-One, American rapper
1970 - John D. Carmack, American computer game programmer (wrote Quake and Wolfenstein 3D)
1970 - Fred Durst, American singer (Limp Bizkit)
1971 - Brad Avery, American musician (guitarist for Third Day)
1974 - Big Moe, American rapper (R.I.P.)

Of course, gotta give a special nod to my 8.20.82 people!
1982 - Cléber Luis Alberti, Brazilian footballer
1982 - Youssouf Hersi, Ethiopian footballer
1982 - Joshua Kennedy, Australian footballer
1982 - Barney Rogers, Zimbabwean cricketer

Here's a toast.....to me! CHEA!

-B

Shame

2008-08-17T16:46:00.005-04:00

For people who say that my last blog was unfairly beating up on the black woman, please do not neglect to pay attention to the blog I did on 9.7.2007, titled "Tell It Like It Is", pointing out the shortcomings of black men. I urge all who have read "Playing Your Game, Baby" to read it. It can be found from the link below:

Tell It Like It Is

Enjoy.

-B

Playing Your Game, Baby

2008-08-15T12:04:00.005-04:00

Okay, I have been hearing some rather "out there" comments about men, particularly AFRICAN-AMERICAN men, and their inability to commit and treat the sisters right. I have heard the statistics, the war stories, the rants, the banter, the semantics, the whole deal, and I believe that there is much more to this issue than is being expressed. I believe that there are a FEW layers to the "single and looking" (black) woman that are rarely being mentioned, but they STILL have a very valid bearing on the general outcome. Since I am dealing with both BLACK and MAN in this situation, I will be enlisting the help of both Gender Defender AND Race Defender.

Since I can almost hear the torches lighting up already, let me say this up front: there are quite a few men out there who are imbeciles. The game-players, the dogs, the liars, the “lead-ons”, the cockhounds, the moochers, and the like ALL exist in today’s society. These men have left an uncomfortable feeling in the belly of the American female. These guys use sincerity-layered tactics to accomplish insincere objectives. They not only destroy the woman’s outlook on men in general, but they also make it difficult for a good man to SHOW a woman that he’s good, because he finds himself in a state of always having to prove himself. The fakes who mimic, no MOCK, a good man’s mannerisms to gain himself a ticket make it a struggle for those who want to be loved and those who aspire to love them. For that, I wish to publicly denounce this behavior and censure these men for these “performances”. Take a bow, scumbags.

Also, let me state, on however many records you put in front of me, that there is nothing sexier than the black woman. No offense to women of other races, but for my blood, the African-American woman is the greatest thing walking. I could go on and on about the reasons why, but I will leave that for another blog.

Now that we’ve got that out the way…
*enter Gender Defender and Race Defender*

*Race Defender approaches mic*
There are quite a few situations in which men are unfairly given the short end of the shaft. First off, let’s throw all statistics out the window, because as we know, we can mock up statistics to show whatever we want. The way I see it, the issues that are stopping women from these relationships that they desire are just like the Seven Principles of Kwanzaa:

Umoja (Unity)
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)
Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility)
Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics)
Nia (Purpose)
Kuumba (Creativity)
Imani (Faith)

I got to thinking about this at work today, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I know, I know, I gotta explain myself. I’d be happy to…

Umoja (Unity) – Method Man once said “we can all get by if we unify”. It seems, sometimes, as though black men and women just can’t seem to be on one accord when it comes to relationships. The general societal outlook that has been painted about the desire to be in relationships seems to give women the proverbial short end of the stick. The women want a relationship, but the men don’t. The women treat the man right, but the man can’t appreciate it. The woman wants exclusivity, but the man fears commitment. The woman seeks stability, but the man wants freedom. These generalizations can lead to people wanting to step outside their race or just give up on love altogether, forming the framework for the other reasons. Most times, the problem is in two people not being on one accord and being happy.

There is also an impaired sense of unity as it related to African-Americans dealing with relationships. Black women just have this built-in mechanism to write off the black man, thinking that switching over to different races is an immediate cure-all. Being a MAN, first of all, but also being a BLACK man, I can say that’s just not true. Yea, yea, yea, I know. White men “love harder, “are more committed”, blah, blah, blah. Again, dogs exist in all creeds and colors, so stop this twisted logic of thinking that the black man has some sort of relational taint upon him. I’ve seen and heard more people go on black man strike (or go lez) than I care to admit. It’s like they come in, date a few black men, have a few bad experiences, then wanna throw their hands up and give up on the whole thing. There’s PLENTY OF BLAME to go around, if that’s what this is all about, so y’all can hit the kill switch on that.

Let’s take a peek at the flip side of that coin. Let’s say there’s a GOOD black man that says that he can’t find a good black woman. He’s been trying for years, but for one reason or another, they don’t pan out. When he talks to women about his predicament, and they say ‘give it time/there’s a good black woman out there, you just gotta take time to find her/keep being you/don’t change for anybody’. After hanging in there for a bit more, he has a few more bad dating experiences with black women who he believed were ‘good’, but after “losing faith in the black woman”, he goes out and dates a white woman. Now, you’ve got a bunch of black women hatin’ on him for stepping out (think that scene from Save the Last Dance). Just like there are good men who pass on good women, there are good women who pass on good men.

The point of this: IT’S NOT A RACE ISSUE!!! There are GOOD men of all races like there are BAD men of all races. STOP PAINTING THE BLACK MAN OUT TO BE SO BAD IF HE IS ALL YOU KNOW!! Yea, from the outside in, we can embrace all the positives of another group of people without having dated them. This is about MEN and WOMEN! If your goal is to be with a black man, then stick to black men. It makes no sense to entertain a group of people that are not your preference just so you can be in a relationship. Yea, there’s the “well, I can learn to love him”, but what if you can’t? (Black) women seem to be so up on their time and not wanting it wasted, so how do you know that making this “power move” won’t end up being a waste of time?

Sure, I’m nobody to say something will or won’t work (do you, boo boo), but the same rosy outlook you have about making this move is the same rosy outlook you can have about sticking to your guns and making your current situation work! If you go to another race or gender, you’ll STILL have that tainted relational history, so really, what’s changed but the calendar? [facetious]Black women, let’s get together. If you WANT US, act like it and stop running (see how easy it is to point blame?)![/facetious] As with ALL relationships, finding the “right one” (notice, not the PERFECT ONE) for you takes TIME. If you’re not about working for it and putting in time, then you won’t get it. Get your head in the game or get in the bleachers. Let’s get off this “I’m independent” and “I don’t need you/I’ll find something better than you” mindset. It’s very confrontational and will serve to separate more than unify.

Yea, I would love to stop saying the black woman, but since the black woman’s tirade seems to direct itself towards the black man, I will not refrain from addressing the black woman.

*Race Defender sits down, Gender Defender approaches mic*

Kujichagulia (Self-Determination) – This reason, I would say is not so much self DETERMINATION as much as it does self HONESTY and self CONTROL. I have been sandblasted by quite a few women over some poems that I’ve written that have posed the female POV as being a bit overbearing and excessive. When presented with these pieces (which I guess I’ll post in another blog) and asked if the woman was wrong, I got my butt chewed. I was told about how out of line I was to ask, how men only see things as black or white/this or that, and how emotions can’t be pinned down like giving instructions on how to put together a coffee table.

While I agree that logic cannot be placed side-by-side with emotion and expect it to make sense. However, anybody who knows me knows that I feel a GREAT deal, and there is passion behind my reasons. The main point I was trying to make in the poems (aside from scrapbooking true events in my life) was that there are times when women need to keep their emotions in check. I believe that if a man should exercise self-control to keep his thing in his pants, a woman should exercise self-control to keep her emotions in check. I once heard a story about a particular woman who caught feelings for a guy after the FIRST PHONE CONVERSATION! She apparently had a blast during this conversation, but when he didn’t call the next day, she freaked out and accused him of playing games with her. This situation, though rather extreme, has NOTHING to do with logic at ALL. This was about a woman (a tender, innocent victimized black woman) who got her feelings involved TOO EARLY and brought hurt upon herself. Why don’t issues like THIS ever leave the lockdown of girlfriends’ conversations? How are situations like this allowed to exist under the radar?

Also, while I’m on this, there seems to be another issue of emotions creating fogs and smoke. By this, I mean that due to the interactions that the two people share, the woman will get with a subpar guy who gets her emotions riled up, and from there, her emotions paint a pretty picture that distracts her from the horrid reality she actually exists in. While yes, the game players that were mentioned earlier should be castrated for such selfish and irresponsible behavior, the woman should exercise emotional control of HERSELF to see things as they are actually happening, instead of focusing on “making something out of nothing” and “seeing potential”. I’ve heard many stories from black women about how they feel they can correct undesirable attributes or “change” a man to “make him see” what could be if he would change. Then, when he decides not to change, the woman feels like her time was wasted, and her emotions would go off into a corner and feel victimized. The world would enable this behavior by coddling her until she’s been able to lick her wounds clean, only to be distracted by another cute song and dance.

Is this to say that all black women are drones that will leap at just any pretty picture? Of course not. What I AM saying, though, is that in the instance that a woman’s emotions are getting the best of her (or she knows that her emotions CAN do that to her) SHE needs to get her thing in order to save HERSELF, instead of beating down on other people to keep themselves away so she can be as emotionally careless as she wants. Then again, men aren’t allowed to be victims, so there may be no win to that.

Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility) – This one is a real chin scratcher, because the issue that is being spoken is the black woman’s responsibility in failed relationships. Whenever a relationship or a relationship item goes right, she is QUICK to make herself a part of it and HAPPY to be in that number. When a BAD aspect is addressed, it seems that black women are QUICK to finger point, making everyone but them a part of not only the problem, but the solution as well. It’s always “he didn’t want this” or “he didn’t do that” or “he did so-and-so to me”. I’ve looked at the black woman’s rampant avoidance of rejection, and part of it seems to me that it comes from them not wanting to be the one at fault or the one denied.

This factor also comes into play when a woman has been in a series of failed relationships. She will deal with multiple men over a period of time (be in months, years, whatever), and because those independent relationships failed, she wants to throw away the WHOLE lot. The fact of the matter is this: if you deal with a series of men who have NOTHING TO DO with each other (the only thing they share are genitals and skin color), then the only common factor is YOU. You can say all the men were alike, but how did YOU treat them? Many times, society looks at things the opposite way (again, men not being allowed to be victims), and wag the finger at the man for what he did to make a woman feel a certain way. What they neglect to look into is how a woman treated a series of men to make them respond. If you see that people seem to treat you a certain way, then you need to look into what it is that you’re doing to create this pattern of behavior.

The reason all this comes under responsibility is because they will insulate themselves while throwing darts at everyone else. Hell, if I believed I was never wrong (which I have felt before), I wouldn’t change anything about me, either. The problem, though, is that if I refuse to change, I can’t whine about running into the same circle of problems. For example, with the problem I stated earlier about people catching feelings for me, I was told that I should look at MY interactions with these women and if the result is not what I want, I need to look inside and see what needs tweaking, instead of always looking for someone ELSE to change and spare me the internal mechanics.

I think this problem has gotten so bad that rarely will a woman “admit” that there is a problem on her end of the pool without sucking men into the boat. For example, if a man were to say black women were too pushy about wanting commitment from a black man, they might counter with “well, we wouldn’t be that way if more black men were willing to commit!” Right there, the woman never really admitted any brand of fault, but rather used herself as a vehicle to blame him. Too often, a black man is shot down after voicing any brand of a dissenting opinion with the infamous “yea, but see, what you don’t understand is…” , or will hear him out due to obligation, waiting for him to finish to continue pushing her agenda. I feel that too often, black men find themselves in defense mode against all the mud CONSTANTLY being slung our way. Not a good luck.

Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics) – This one I will gear towards relationship/relational investments. Too often, I have found that there is not only a skewed proportion in the gender-based investments on some levels, but there is a lack of COMMUNICATION. There will be times when little things will mean so much to a woman that she begins to overinvest in the relationship. If you compound this with the fact that the woman doesn’t TELL him that this is happening, you have a recipe for disaster.

It’s been said that a listening ear is the sexiest thing to a woman. Let’s paint up a scenario. Let’s say you have two friends of opposite genders, and the woman has a problem that she wants to share? The guy will of course listen and console her as needed. As the woman may have other things she chooses to want to talk about, he will of course be there for her as he can, because this is what friends had the capacity to do, as I was told. What happens when the woman sees this man as a gentle ear and a comforting soul, and she begins to RELATIONALLY invest in a future with him without telling him? She calls him, she wants to spend time with him, and just exudes extra amounts of positivity towards him, but she doesn’t come right out and SAY it, on account of fear of rejection. ‘Tis better to assume and float along, eh? Then, when she finally wants to MOVE on all she’s invested, she gets the good ol’ “let’s be friends” deal. She’s broken and retreats.

I notice that for one reason or another, black women seem to invest a LOT very quickly when a good man comes along. I don’t know if it’s a thing of wanting to move on it before others have a chance to or an emotional whirlwind or “him painting a picture” or biological clocks or what, but a lot gets pumped into him in a short amount of time. Yes, it’s true that men don’t like to be rushed, but trying to rush on the slick is even worse. There should be some sort of reciprocation to the investment. It’s kinda like when your parents would give you so much of a food you really liked for dinner, and before you started eating, you would tell them that the portion they gave you is not enough. They would say “finish what you have there, and you’ll get more.” Reciprocation: you are fed as you eat. Don’t just keep dumping food on a plate before someone says they’re making their way to the table! I think this leads me to my next point:

Nia (Purpose) – If there was one thing that bothered me most about black women who want a relationship, it’s this factoid right here. There just seem to be so many women who want the relationship before they want the person. What I’m about to tell you is a REAL story that happened to me:

I meet a young lady online. We exchange online notes and later exchange phone numbers. We have a few phone conversations, which go pretty well and spark our interest in getting to know one another. We had tried to meet up on a couple occasions, but we couldn’t sync up with one another (we lived in different cities at the time, but now live in different states). Some things come up on her end, however, and she doesn’t call anymore. She’ll entertain my phone calls, but for one reason or another, she wouldn’t call me (though she constantly said she wanted to and how she wanted to get to know me). After a while, I stopped calling.

Out of the blue one day, she calls me, apologizes for not calling, and she gives me her reasoning for not calling. I understood and forgave, and I wanted to know what her plans were. She still wanted to get to know me and spend some time. She was still excited about the possibility of meeting me, and we hammered out a date to meet. We continued to talk, but still not feeling totally comfortable that today was “a new day in us”, I asked why she still wanted to “get to know me” (her exact term, not mine) after all this time. She gave me her reason, asked me the same question, and I gave her my reason. Later in the conversation, I hear the words “if I still have a chance…”

Thinking she was talking about a relationship, I questioned her more to give her the opportunity to come out and say that’s what she meant. Instead, I got a song and dance about how I took it the wrong way and that’s not what she meant to say. I came out and told her I am not looking for a committed relationship at the moment (faring honesty over assumption), and the gloves came off.

The same young lady then proceeded to flip the script and talk about how she’s passed her stage of “just being with people” and how she didn’t want to “talk to her girlfriends, not knowing what to call you” or not know who to introduce me as. She said she doesn’t want any “friends” and kept reaffirming her desire to be married and starting a family. I got the offensive “I’m sure there are SOME women who will do that, but that’s not me.” She would go on 20-minute rants from her POV, and then would interrupt me while I was in the middle of sharing mine. She called off the meeting, citing it would be a waste of time for her to come all this way to see someone who wasn’t open to the possibility of a relationship (even though she was coming in town during that time anyway). She cited Soledad O’Brien’s powerful 2-part documentary “Black in America”, which she (the young lady, not Soledad) said black women can’t find a good black man because “the good black men don’t wanna be in a relationship”. Mind you, this is all in the SAME phone conversation. The ranting diatribe continued, but I think you get the picture. We hung the phone up, and I’m sure I’ll never hear from her again, unfortunately.

Why did I tell you all this? Too often, I have encountered women who want relationships or the promise/agreement of one that they will totally factor out anybody who doesn’t want one. This, I believe, leads to black women shunning perfectly good relationship prospects who may not have a PROBLEM with relationships, but don’t want to be forced into thinking about one from the get-go. A relationship shouldn’t make you want a man; a man should make you want a relationship. Your biological clock will not increase your chances of finding a good man. Going into a relationship-only mode will not jump-start your search or landing of a good man. This is how people end up in unfulfilling relationships and marriages. They want the relationships so bad, that they get with people who are no good for them just so that they can jump from one statistic to another. I thought the goal in life was to be happy, not “being in a relationship/married will ensure your happiness”. A black woman on a CNN blog had this to say:

If a man makes one off the mark comment that’s it they don't want anything else to do with him or if he makes a little less than they do once again that’s it, the man doesn’t have a chance. My advice to single sisters is, there is no perfect man, so stop looking for him. No one is asking you to settle but come on ladies get real or get eternally lonely.

-vicki

This leads to another problem I have with people who “only date one person at a time”. First of all, I disagree with their definition of the word “date”, but that isn’t what this is about. It seems to boil down to these people having “friends”, and out of those “friends” they pick one person to “date”. Of course “dating” and going out on “dates” are two different things, but again, that’s not what this is about. This is about those people and the person of their choosing. They go balls-to-the-wall with that person with the expectation of a relationship, and if that doesn’t pan out, they start all over. What makes this different from going on a series of outings with different people, then becoming increasingly selective and extensive as time goes on until the choices are narrowed to one and one-dating isn’t my call, but the purpose is there. It was a rant, I know. I apologize.

Assumptions can be another byproduct of a misguided purpose, because when coupled with a fear of rejection, it’s more comfortable to hope things are going in accordance with your purpose than to put it all out there and get shot down. There was a time that I invited a female join me and mixed company to church and she thought it was a date. When times have gotten bad enough to where you can’t go to church without motives, there is a SERIOUS problem. In the situation I laid out earlier, I could have not said anything, took advantage of the situation, and gotten close to her, only to let her down later. All this would have happened because me not saying anything and just going along with it would have played into her assumed purpose. Things like this are another reason why COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

Good black men are out there, and trying to make him consider being with you before being given the chance to know you is only going to lead to your own unhappiness. I hate to say it and sound so cold, but things that are meant to be will be.

Kuumba (Creativity) – I was told that my problem of people catching feelings for me was predicated upon me doing too much and being available for too many people, and that I should limit certain parts of myself to a select group of people and of course, my most private parts to one person (no pun intended). I believe the same to be true for black women. Hold dear to the parts of you that you feel are delicate and special. Don’t let all your cats out the bag right off. Make people earn it. It is my belief that certain privileges SHOULD be held off for a relationship, and if people want those, then you gotta put in the work it takes to get there. It took a lot of nights of eating cake to teach me that, but I’m glad I learned it.

Those who really want a relationship with you will be inspired to dig deeper and want to connect with you on that level to experience it. Why show a reader the ending of a 400 page book on page 30? Why should they read the book? I say that unless the two people have ESTABLISHED that the story will be spoiled, let them either keep reading or put the book down. At the end of the day, that man should WANT a relationship with you and show you that HE wants it, not to let random actions allow you to perceive that he wants it. Men know how to do special things for people they deem special in their lives, and if he isn’t DOING those things, then what is leading you to give as you are giving? It means next to nothing to SAY someone is special. How are they SHOWING it? This should be the litmus paper for the color of your emotions, because if you aren’t getting based on what you’re giving, you’re giving too much.

I believe that all people who are in a relationship are gaining in some kind of way. Whether it’s love, money, sex, or even just being cheaper to keep her, everyone is getting something. Come to grips with what you’re actually getting out of the deal, and if it’s not enough or not what you want, you gotta switch it up (while being a good communicator). Like my man KRS-One says “don’t make a goal. BE the goal.”

Imani (Faith) – The last (and I feel a bit odd making it last) Nguzo Saba principle and which should be the most important. Any union that God does not co-sign on will not be, and we as believers should seek HIS clarity before anything. I see a lot of women pray that God will send them a good man, but they want to take into account that even God’s blessings take TIME.

The LAST person you wanna rush is God, but when something goes “wrong”, everyone on Earth gets blamed and the hurt gets divided amongst everybody but the only one who can really do anything to change it. Why? It’s more than likely because it’s not that serious. We, as believers, KNOW we are in no position to challenge God’s authority or God’s decisions (if things have changed in that aspect, please let me know). If we are to believe that God is the being that orders our steps for the betterment of our own spirit, then how in the world can we question something that we believe to be of His doing?

Also, what many people fail to realize is that failed relationships happen for a person. I have heard from many married couples that the relationships they had before their spouse helped to shape them into the person that God needed them to be to sync with the spouse that He sent them. There was one guy on CNN who said:

“If it had not been for my previous relationship before meeting my wife, and that woman being just like that woman was, I would not have been able to appreciate my wife. She taught me something. I was smart enough and mature enough, even though I went through HELL with that woman, to take the positive out of that. She taught me what I needed to know about MYSELF and what was necessary to sustain a relationship and to be married, because I KNEW I wanted to be married. I just knew that woman was not for me.”

-Mr. Kevin Reid

This gentleman is eloquence at its finest. All relationships in your life serve a purpose. The quicker you are to write a person or the positive experiences that a person can bring because they don’t work with your agenda. If they come into your life and expose themselves, then fine. However, if you have a relationship, that relationship is there for a reason. Stop grasping and holding on to the negatives and cherish the positives. Times change and PEOPLE change. No matter what it is, for us to grow and to know, we HAVE to change, and it takes FAITH to know that we are changing for the good. Not to say live without learning and remaining doomed to repeat cycles, but to keep living, keep smiling, and keep shining.

*Gender Defender sits down*

This is not a female poopfest, but you gotta take into account the side of this coin that few people want to address. The media seems to love glorifying the “men are selling these women short” aspect of the phenomenon of single black women, but rarely (if ever) address the other side. Yes, there are many areas where the black man can stand to improve, but unless the OTHER side of the coin is addressed just as much, there will be no progress. Deep down inside, we both see that we ALL have work to do.

-B

Poetry Man

2008-08-15T12:04:00.003-04:00

Ransom Demands

A luxury vehicle equipped for travel, fully fueled
Ready to be dispatched to a location of my choice
I want it loaded with cargo too precious to damage
To be where I want, when I want, for how long I want
Oh, and I wouldn't waste any time if I were you
There's a gun cocked, placed to my hostage's head
Fulfill my ransom demands, and I will let her go

I froze, shocked as the words pierced the speaker
Hands trembling as the risen stakes were stated
Not wanting her to die, because I treasured her so
I wondered why in the world she'd been taken hostage
Wrong place, wrong time, no matter, I had to answer
The hostage taker wanted action, and I was to comply

Choosing words over action, my mouth opened to speak
Voice so familiar, as the hostage taker knew me well
I spoke out her name and asked her why'd she do this
And why hold HER hostage to have these demands met
Because to be honest, I don't think that it's right
The hostage taker sighed as the song and dance began

"I just want to see you", spouted out with conviction
Then came words of confident feelings of reciprocation
Saying that if I cared, I would gladly make a trip
So that we could spend quality time with one another
Talking in between sighs, I was told how I meant more
Though her eyes never saw me, her heart bonded tight
I made magic without a poem, a gesture, or a touch
And made her want to see me bad enough to hold hostage
The one thing she knew I cherished: our relationship

I tried to speak reason, and I tried to speak sense
Citing instances these ransom demands had been met
Times where I was at a spoken location without meeting
Radio must've screwed up, cuz all I heard was "come again"
I restated the same, instances where I was where she was
But they were all discounted for one reason or another
From not going just to see her or her not making time
I say she could've made time, she said she was tired
Gums flapping, blowing smoke to excuse her behavior
I speak of crossing city limits and asking fairness
For me to cross cities and her to just cross THE city
And no matter what I said, all I heard was "come again"

Flipping the script, I turned the light to her face
I asked why she hadn't ever made the trip to see me
Again, smoke was blown, and blanketed answers given
Ranging from a family, fear of the road, or whatever
I told her sponsor her demands, she just said "damn"
Asking me what kind of person I thought she was
And going as far as saying the man should come out
It was just her job to be available when time allowed
To come when she called, and not a second off the mark
If I caught her busy, oops, you made a blank trip
She "don't make no trips unless it's for her man
And, unless you trynna be, it ain't happening here"
Daring me to get angry, boasting about the hostage
When something inside snapped, and I said "kill her"

The world heard a boisterous "WHAT?!" spew into my ear
Wondering why I would rather her die than to comply
Warning me of what would happen once she was killed
Colorful language rolled out our future's blueprint
Loss of her self-instated personal prioritization
Going from her "sweetie pie" to "fuck that nigga"
Blabbing other garbage too disrespectful to repeat
After all that, asking if I REALLY wanted it that way
My cold reply: "you heard me. go ahead and kill her"

Her tone then became somewhat maniacal and psychotic
Spouting at the hostage "did you hear what he said?!
Did you hear? he would rather you DIE than save you
I guess HE didn't think you were that special anyway!"
Voice switching back to the radio "if it's like that
I want YOU to sleep every night knowing what you lost!
YOU don't want it? That's fine. just know it was YOU
I just want you to know that I was really into you"
And with that said, I heard a forced sigh and a shot
The voice said "done", and the speaker went silent

I sat frozen again, a bit taken aback by her death
I wish I could've avoided it, but I just had no choice
Somebody was gonna die, be it the hostage or me
And I refused to get caught in her web of megalomania
Though a part of me burned like the hottest trombone
Given the option, I would rather be free than be we
I just knew I couldn't give in to her ransom demands

© Brandon Harris 2008

Poetry Man

2008-08-15T12:04:00.001-04:00

Date or Die

The other day, I was asked a question
A question posed by a honest confession
"I Want You", sung in a choral fashion
Eliminating all doubt from the request
After all, we'd been the closest friends
The rising sun gave us infinite reign
There was nothing we couldn't get into
Exposed us to delights of life then unknown
Shared measures and gestures of pleasure
Putting a skyline in each other's eyes
Everything culminating to this question
That pretty face lit up like Christmas
Those pretty lips parted and changed us
Wanting to know where all the fun leads

I reached out, her head now in my hands
Staring at the stars in her soul's window
Seeing as we hadn't crossed any lines
I said "listen, precious", and I felt ice
Excitement turning to sorrow as I spoke
Unraveling the story like a historian
Revisiting of our emotional constitution
Drafted from day one, signed in spirit
Friends were the nucleus and destination
Agreeing to enjoy one another freely
Her sorrow then dissolved into bitterness
Taking my hands from her skin as I said
"I'm not looking to date right now..."

She understood what I said, and thought
Before saying "I know, but I want you"
Saying she couldn't help how she felt
And she couldn't control who she loved
Loved who I was and the potential in me
Loved my spirit and strength of heart
Loved all the things we had experienced
Couldn't understand me not being taken
But just loved the fact that I wasn't
Agreed, not expecting to feel THIS good
But since the world had since been shown
All she saw was who and what she wanted

"Yes, but we agreed against it", I said
"Let's let our hearts decide?", she said
"I say we should both want this", I said
"We both know that you like me", she said
"But I don't want to go there", I said
"So, this is ALL it's gonna be?", she asked
"Don't look at it like that", I said
"Why not? This is going nowhere!", she said
"We've already gone QUITE far", I said
"...and you just wanna STOP?!", she said
I wanted to ask if it was really that simple
If she really wanted to throw "us" away
Fun and frivolity to be governed by rules
But before I could speak, she spoke out
Not wanting to hear my so-called "reason"

Sweetness departed as her demeanor changed
Opting to act in a cold, business calculus
Stating she had enough FRIENDS in her life
Speaking as if the high times were a waste
Our shared sweet nothings a clever rouse
Seeing what she couldn't have over sense
Rambling the King's English into the ground
Turning my stare into a victimized gaze
As we spoke out in differentiated volumes
Then, the back-and-forth stopped suddenly
And she saw things the way they had to be

The gloves came off and glasses came out
Spouting a list of self-policing criteria
So that I could protect her from wanting me
Things she was excited to do as my friend
Now off limits, as "friends don't do that"
Feeling she did no wrong, she was let off
To feel however and change the rules whenever
And as the calendar flipped, I was punished
Her fun drug's potency horridly diluted
Stepping on herself, only giving me crumbs
Bitter because she can't have all of me
My desire for her dwindling to a headache
Her calls became a task, outings a chore
From the speed dial to a cobwebbed number
I hated it, but I couldn't bring her back

I wanted the pre-pledge days to return
Before she thought she could skate in
And go where she pleased when she pleased
Before exclusivity determined happiness
Before the emotional gun was on my head
Given two difficult options: date or die

© Brandon Harris 2008

Gotta Give It Up

2008-04-06T10:11:00.003-04:00

Oh, High and Mighty One...

Thsi is the title I've been given. Oh High and Mighty One. The first time I heard it, I was horrendously offended. I mean after all, in what way could a name like this be interpreted as something GOOD? How dare I be portrayed as a pompous, above-the-law jerk who feels that he can't be touched or get a dent in his armor! The almighty NERVE, no, the unmitigated GALL of people!

Oh, High and Mighty One...

Then, I thought about it. I thought about my life. I thought about what I actually DO. I thought about what I actually WRITE. I thought about the way I actually interact with people. I thought about the way my mindstate really was.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

I asked people what they thought were my 3 high points and 3 areas of improvement. No, let me be real. I asked FEMALES what my 3 high points and 3 areas of improvement were. I almost feel like a traitor, because at the time, I had NO intentions on blogging about anything related to my findings. However, the personal insight I gained from its findings is TOO great not to expound upon.

I came into the blinding realization that I indeed DID have an arrogant, know-it-all streak about myself. Apparently, I had been presenting myself before I considered others, and while I didn't get it at the time (I still don't), I accepted it. Condescension, while unknowingly and unintentionally, had crept its way into my character. I thank the friends of mine who gave me this input, because without it, I genuinely believe that I would not have seen it.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

I looked at my last few blogs. I looked at the self-insulating explanations I gave and what message my communications gave off. Due mainly in part to some of these blogs, I have been told I'm brutally honest about myself and how I feel about certain things. I can dig it, and there's just something I like so much about being able to share my thoughts in a forum like this. I am aware that a large percentage of my responsive blog viewers are women (not to sound egotistical, but a lot of my male friends don't read blogs. Of course, feel free to invite males to read it if you know of any), and a lot of times, I feel myself writing on issues that cater to my audience (as any good writer does).

Good writing or not, I was writing in a self-exemptive way, so that I could distance myself from any negative male aspect or conclusion that a woman might draw from it. I realized that I had this obsessive desire to pounce upon any anti-male comments, as to make sure that whoever made them (normally a female) understood that quality/qualities pointed out didn't apply to me. I had this love for being in this bubble that shielded me from the flaws that men have (it took me a while to type the word 'men'). I didn't like being pointed out as being the only one with a flaw, and would find a flaw in the person who pointed out a flaw in me, as to even the score. I didn't like people who discriminated against a particular characteristic that I possessed, so I would go on rants about 'how dare they discriminate against me', when I was discriminating myself (still not entertaining the thought of dating women with children).

While I agree with Jay-Z saying "until we all without sin, let's stop the pulpittin'", there is nothing wrong with hearing someone out. Every communicated flaw is NOT meant to be an attack, and there is NO need to take EVERY comment that may be perceived as being unfavorable personally. Life is not an uptight sport, and even SUPERMAN loosened up his tie every now and again.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

I looked at what I actually DO. The Heartbreaker blog had an effect similar to what I expected. There were women who respected it, women who blew up at me, women who became inquisitive because of it, etc. Again, not many males read and responded to it, so I cannot speak from their point of view. As a sidebar, that's one of the things I really like about communicating with women more than men. If there's something that is written or documented, men often have a tendency to just read and keep it moving, whereas women like to read, reflect, discuss, and dissect things. Seeing as I'm an analytical person myself, you can see how I come to this conclusion.

Anyway, back to Heartbreaker. Yea, looking back on it, it came off as being a huge puff of smoke of a security blanket, covering up a rather deeper issue. While the points that were made DO hold true, its overall purpose can be misconstrued when coupled with the actions that couple it. To play the "only wanting to be friends/don't want a relationship" angle, you must play it to the limit. You cannot play up certain elements like tangibility and emotions if you do not intend for the other person to perceive your intentions to be such. So, if this were/is the case, me to run around wanting tangibility, but pulling up my "no relationship" card when the emotional responsibility comes with it is STILL unfair. I could write a million blogs trying to make sense of it, but at the end of the day, it's unfair and wrong.

What does this have to with that deeper issue? It simply means this: I dug deep into myself, and I realized that there is lonliness within and the urge for companionship is definitely there. I think that deep inside, I WANT to be in a relationship, but I want to search on my own terms. I am not a one-person dater (though I have nothing agaisnt those that are). In the quest of looking for my "one", I will be entertaining other prospects. I used to avoid talking about other women with a prospect of mine, but I need to stop doing that. If the person has a problem with that, then it is not a problem of mine. There would be times where a lady would ask me "do you treat all your other women like you treat me?", I would get offended. I hate screens with a passion, but I had a screen up of my own. I wanted total discretion, while being unable to provide it.

Would I answer it? No. Would I answer it now? No. It's STILL offensive, because to me, it's a slap in the face to have someone do something nice for/with you and to have the first thing that pops in their head be "is this a cookie cutter deed?" Just because a person is entertaining multiple sources of company does not mean they treat EVERYONE they deal with the same.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

Though I am far from an idiot, I am not a know-it-all. I don't have all the answers. While I like the mature mindstate I possess and amazing people that I'm only 25, the truth is I AM only 25, and there are times where I don't know things. There are times where I will believe things to be true and be way off. I'm trying to learn myself just like everyone else. I am always trying to investigate things about myself that can be improved and the ways to put those changes into play. I am an educated man, and at times, I just prefer speaking at a certain vocab level. I don't TRY to lose people or seem uptight, but it's just a thing about me. My mind is always on, and I enjoy it. I remember sometimes when I would be in Kenny's too long, I would come out, and you couldn't get a big word out of me to save your life. I didn't like the ME that came along with it. Ask anybody who's talked to me after being in there for about 5 hours, and see if I'm a pleasure to be around.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

World, I extend my arms. I am a 25 year old African-American man. While there are a wealth of treasures within, there are some of the same flaws that plague others in the demographic. I think with the wrong part of me sometimes and I don't like asking for directions when lost. There are times when I don't listen and times when ego gets in the way of reason. Then, there are times when I just don't get it, and try as I might, I just can't get it. I know I don't know everything, and I have stopped trying. Certain concepts and people are just beyond my grasp. I screw up, but I also apologize. I APOLOGIZE.

Oh, High and Mighty One...

With all that being said, there are things I will NOT apologize for. I will NOT apologize for being self-centered about blogging. It's my blog, and it's here where I put what I want broadcast. Of course, nobody has brought this complaint to me, but if someone did, I wouldn't apologize for it. I won't apologize for being educated. Again, my word choice isn't to make people feel stupid, it's just how I communicate. For example, I just rather use the word "tactile" over "touchy-feely". Not a vendictive thing, I just like using that word. I will NOT apologize for giving my opinion, but I will more than likely stop pushing it on people. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to tell it to everybody you know. I will not apologize for saying that there are a lot of things I actually DO get now, and I thank the people that pointed it out. It's like Moses said in Prince of Egypt: "I did not see because I did not wish to see". I have FRIENDS who did a Clockwork Orange on me, and I thank them for it. Oh, High and Mighty One, my behind!

-B

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

2008-03-29T12:24:00.001-04:00

We miss you, Lavoyce. Rest in peace, homie. IPA for life...

-B

A Good Man Is Gone

2008-03-17T00:31:00.004-04:00

LaVoyce Marshayne Dyer
August 9, 1979-March 11, 2008

This was my cousin. We grew up around the corner from each other. This was the man who taught me how to play Nintendo, play touch football, and make due when I was in the Lower 9. Though we were not as close locationally as we grew up, there is still a great deal of integrity and masculinity I have because of the seeds this man has planted in me. Words cannot describe the grief that my family and I are feeling right now. We thank those of you that have sent condolences.

Voyce, we mourn you till we join you. Keep shining your light down upon us, and make sure it's poppin' for us when we see you again. We love you dearly, and you have a part of all of us with you. We will rep it for you till the end, homie!

-B

Cold as Ice

2008-03-03T14:22:00.001-05:00

I like that...

-B

A Change Gonna Come

2008-02-29T02:04:00.003-05:00

Doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do, but it's always for the best. Hurt heals, struggle leads to victory, and dominion and power cannot be contained. Gotta love it.

-B

Heartbreaker

2008-02-17T19:50:00.003-05:00

"I mean the problem [with good men] is that the good ones know they're good. And they know they're in such demand they're just not interested in confining themselves to one person."

-Cynthia on an episode of Seinfeld

Man, I don't know what's goin' on with me. Just when I think I've written a blog that is my biggest, I write another one I think eclipses it. This one, though, I think will take the crown as far as my personal reflections and conclusions. The reason, you ask? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I am not in the mindstate to be in a committed relationship at the time. Yea, well, now that the cat is out of the bag, you know what I'm about to do. Get your chill beverage, because I'm about to get mine... *leaves to get Lipton Green Tea* *returns* aaahhhhh, ok, now where was I...

I was not aware that this would have to be something that I would have had to explain, but apparently it is. It's always been my belief that if people want things to go a particular way, they would have a sit-down and say it. Even if you don't have a sit-down about it, the enforcement of a relationship should not go into effect until you are in a relatoinship. However, it seems as though certain things a man may do can send a misleading messages to the women they are around.

For example, I am a man who believes in celebrating a woman and the things she does for me and how they make me feel. If a woman's natural essence makes you feel like a king, I see nothing with letting her know that. Also, I am a man who believes that there is something regal about an authentic embrace. Physical contact between two people who enjoy each other creates unspeakable amounts of positive energy, and who does not enjoy the feeling of being with someone who makes them feel wonderful? I have stayed away from sexual intercourse for over 7 years now (a stat I pride myself on), so there is no man-whoring and using women for their "goodies" or what have you. The LAST thing I want this blog to do is to seem like I'm trying to justify being a whore. This has nothing to do with any post-Greek initiation thing (which would be another issue that I don't wanna get into), but I will say this:

Respect him.

Again, not being in anything committed, I have no right to tell ANY female I know in WHATEVER capacity how they should feel or who they should communicate with or who to have in their lives. Likewise, I don't feel that these assumptions or unspoken demands should be put on me, either. I don't need some woman lookin' @ me sideways because someone calls me or I see a female friend of mine while I am with them. I don't feel an obligation to explain anybody to any female is not my wife, girlfriend, or mother.

Anyway, getting back to what I was saying, I can see how sending someone a text or an e-mail of a caring nature could be interpreted as me sending the wrong message. I can see how someone checking on someone and being there for them coupled with the aforementioned actions could send the wrong message. On the other hand, I don't understand it. I hear from a lot of women who speak down on all these men who do nothing for them, yet ask them to give their all. Then, when someone approaches who respects the royalty of the black woman through vocals and actions yet asks very little out of the norm, if at all, it's a problem because he doesn't want to commit? When is it ever possible for a man and woman to genuinely care for one another without a "relationship or bust" perspective?

What is the solution? Well, the obvious thing would be to "tell the woman up front". Yea, that's fine, but my view on it is that you have NO way of knowing what this person will mean to you, not to mention the message you send when you run up on someone like "hi, how are you? I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP!"? It would be MAD weird to have someone run up on you like that. While I do believe that it is true that it should be communicated (and apparently, it MUST be communicated before you touch them in any fashion) I don't totally agree that "I'm not looking for a relationship" should be the first thing out of your mouth.

Also, who's to say that a person cannot be a blessing to your life in another capacity? A person may not be meant to be a boyfriend, but they may be a good soundboard to help each other through life's issues or a spiritual confidant. If I were to have a "relationship or bust" thought process, I cannot tell you how many people I would NOT have as a blessing in my life over the years. God has great plans for everybody, and it takes us reaching out and allowing Him to have His way to truly allow them to be what we should be to these people.

The crazy thing about an epiphany (ESPECIALLY one of this magnitude) is that it only serves to prevent future occurrences. The people who may already feel "misled" may still feel hurt by this revelation, and of course, through this epiphany, some people may no longer wish to network with me. Whether it's the fact that an "intimate guesture" misled them or they're intimidated that some of my best friends are female, I feel that I am worth being dealt with straight up.

My thoughts on those that DO choose to leave me be? Again, I respect their decisions, whatever they may be (of course, I require that this honesty be reciprocated, and any changes they feel need to be made should be communicated), but I would rather someone leave me than to stay around and feel that I have wasted their time by misleading them into thinking I wanted something I didn't. I would rather be TOTALLY alone than to have people around who are not on the same page as me and accept that.

Conversely, I see that there are adjustments I need to make. Apparently, I will have to think twice about doing unique things for a woman. You know what? No, I won't. Again, it will be my stance that as long as it's established what is and what isn't, then everybody becomes responsible for their own actions. That way, if someone's emotions hit the fan, you can't say Brandon lied to you or played you in any way!

Will I feel this way forever? Of course not. Am I saying that I want nothing to do with or am trying to push away everybody? Of course not. I just believe in allowing people to make educated decisions, because once the knolwedge has been transferred, so has the responsibility. I definitely believe that the day of monogamy is coming, but on the same token, the song "Trying Girls Out" by The Persuaders sums it up:

"Well, I'm young and free to live and love as I please
Until I find the one for me..."

-B

Lovely Day

2008-02-07T12:19:00.001-05:00

Well, as you all know, Valentine's Day is coming up, so I decided to speak on it. From the days of the Greco-Roman St. Valentine's Day to present day V-Day, this is one of those holidays that gets people tremendously up in arms about signs/symbols of love and affection. It is a day of red and white, Cupid and arrows, and doilies and lace. It's a day where a man loves loving a woman and vice-versa. What a wonderful day and what a wonderful world.

That's all fine and dandy, but I'm not sure if I'm totally with all of what's being perceived about this day. Nowadays, with the inflation of commerciality, the marketing of it has created a false sense of urgency and importance of this day. In this day and time of 2008, I would be willing to wager that a lot of people that celebrate Valentine's Day don't know the history of it. Most of the shops and stores and vendors and manufacturers don't care to educate, but would rather seek profits on the backs of an uninformed population of people. Valentine's Day, like Lent, confession, and Ash Wednesday, has its roots heavily embedded in the Catholic faith. If people don't practice these other events, what allows Valentine's Day to penetrate faith?

Another thing about V-Day that I don't agree with is the fact that one day can override the rest of the year. How can someone show them how they feel all throughout the year, but because someone does not go balls to the wall on Valentine's Day, it's a big deal? Conversely, how can someone be satisfied with someoen who does the special things and gives their money to all these vendors to make a Valentine's Day special, then turns around and does NOTHING for the rest of the year, because "there's nothing special about today". You can buy the SAME candies all year round, you can buy the SAME flowers all year round, you can purchase the SAME stuffed animals all year round, so what's the special circumstance here?

Am I in total disagreeance with V-Day? Not really. I think any opportunity to spend quality time is a wonderful thing. I just don't understand why this day has to hold people the way it does. If you have an anniversary, you celebrate that. Not because everybody is doing it on that day, but because it holds a special meaning to you. Take time to celebrate yourselves. Heck, you can celebrate Lover's Day on February 17th if you want! I love loving love like the next person, but I mean, anyone who feels that way knows that V-Day is not make or break. We need to stop letting these vendors dictate what days and items are important to us and just love and appreciate each other. We celebrate Jesus EVERYDAY, not just Christmas. We give thanks for our life's blessings EVERYDAY, not just Thanksgiving. We live in the shadows of the strides of Bro. Dr. King EVERYDAY, not just MLK day. I'm thankful I have a job EVERYDAY, not just Labor Day. Conclusion: handle your business daily, not just days you can purchase equipment for!

-B

Questions

2008-02-06T10:21:00.000-05:00

Why don't men like a demanding person or a woman that rushes into things?

This is a question I've been hit with a couple times, and it's an easy question, like it's not. I'm trying to think of how to speak on this issue in a general, structured manner. However, I'm best at being me, and that's not always structured. If I hit tangents, just kinda follow me (I gather this isn't setting a very persuasive precedent to read the blog, lol).

First, let me put on my Gender Defender cape for a minute, because this is an issue that can be a problem for both sides. While I have seen and heard about this issue being prevalent among female discussion, males are often confronted with women who are not all too pleased with men being overly forward and time-conscious. However, in the interest of not being one-sided, I will address the question as stated.

In my opinion, this issue plagues men for three reasons, in no particular ranking or order. The first reason is that in this day and age, for some reason, some men are intimidated by a woman who tries to jump in the driver's seat of a relationship. They are still stuck in the mindstate of "I'm a man", and they see any time a woman takes the reins as an affront to them as a man. I don't necessarily agree with this train of thought, because women have proven to be some of the most underrated, profound, and innovative thinkers in history (as have African-Americans, but that's another issue). A woman who is confident in herself and her abilities should be considered as a PLUS, not an attack. Besides, a woman who is forward and is willing to move on your behalf and get things done, that's more a shared load and less of a solitary BURDEN. If you're trying to carry a sofa into a house by yourself and the woman pulls out a handtruck, you better believe I'm rolling with her (no pun intended)!

Secondly (and probably most common), most of these men either don't know what they want or fear commitment. A man who isn't sure of himself or what he wants would NATURALLY be unable to commit to something, because he's still experiementing. There is no "cure" for this, so pretty much the only thing a woman who is trying to "rush" should do is move on. You will only be inviting headache and heartache by keeping them around if your goals are more than the things they are certain about.

The other is also an incurable circumstance that only the man can fix. Guys with the Prince Akeem "sow your royal oats" cannot just be spoken to and rushing DEFINITELY won't help. Men who fear commitment cannot see beyond themselves, so until they do, they will resist the works of a woman who wants to steer things in that direction. It seems to take SELF-CONTROL to be in a relationship, because as long as you are living, you will encounter people you find attractive. Self-control and respect for the person you're WITH seems to be a prime factor for monogamy. I could go on, but THAT would be a tangent that would be best left as another blog...

The last reason is that women rushing into ANYTHING is a bad thing. Rushing kinda goes on that timeline thing I keep talking about. Believing in God alone is prime reason to know that He will allow things that are to happen to do just that: happen. People know what it's like to feel RUSHED, and most people will tell you that it SUCKS and is rarely effective. A relationship is a HUGE investment, and anyone who debates it doesn't know what they're talking about. If you're looking to buy a house or car, if the realtor or dealer began trying to rush the sale, you would feel offended. What makes a relationship any differently. I can respect someone's passion, but if I'm not agreeing with your pacing, I'm going to resist it, whether it pleases you or not. A relationship is something both have to co-sign on to be successful, so I am embracing my empowerment.

Okay, now for Gender Defender. Some women have known guys to be forward or "demanding" and proactive or "rushing", and they end up feeling swamped. I've heard men (SINGLE men, mind you) approach women saying "I'm looking for a wife", and they just aren't up to it, because they feel like they are pushing them to something that they don't want. Now mind you, making someone a spouse is a heck of a demand, but it happens. It doesn't make it right on either side of the coin, but you gotta take things easy.

I really can't think of a way to wrap this up in a formal way, so I won't. I'm easy like Sunday morning.

-B

Let's Get Serious

2008-02-06T10:02:00.000-05:00

As I stated earlier, I find that someone with a sense of humor is a person of great wealth and depth. Humor is a piece of people that just allows life to go along just as nicely (it's that little extra spice that makes existence extra nice). Life is not a total drone activity, innundated with monotony. People who can bring a smile to our face at any given momeny are people who will go far in all facets of life. Positivity is becoming an exception to the rule the more time passes, sad to say, but it's a wonder when you come across people who exhibit it.

That's all fine and dandy, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about people who have an "under conditions" sense of humor. I mean people who will make snappy, quick-witted, and slicing jokes, and when people get huffy about it, they say "I was only joking", yet will catch feelings if the comeback to that joke is sharp and quick-witted in its own right. We are all of the same hypocrisy, but if we are going to do that, let's be realistic about it. Nobody is above being the subject of a joke, ESPECIALLY jokers! I say "take it easy and enjoy yourself"!Take it from someone who is often times thought of as being "too serious": lighthearted humor is the fabric of a pleasant existence.

-B

Differences

2008-02-06T09:04:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm going to touch on a subject that teeters along the lines of online vs. "in person". I've noticed that people practice caution amongst online encounters wherein they would practice a greater sense of freedom if the same situation happened during a face-to-face encounter. While I am not an advocate of just baring your whole life to a person online, I do not see why reason why there is this inherrent fear of basic information transferral online.

The main thing I'm speaking of that really gets to me is the basic exchange of NAMES. How you can talk to someone online, become friends with them on Yahoo, AIM, or whatever, and chat them up, yet you are ultra hesitant for people to know your real name? A name is someone's birthright, and a lot of times, if you venture deep enough, you'll probably discover someone else in the world has the same name as you (I can't tell you how many hundreds of men are named Brandon Harris). People can enjoy talking to you like crazy, but when you ask people their name (particularly their last name, for some reason), they suddenly become stupid overprotective.

If this was the only part to these events, it would be no problem. However, you find that the same people who would flip out online would willingly give this very basic tenant of human communication. People who would introduce themselves in meetings, articles, and even professions (teachers, preachers, etc.) as par for the course.

What is the basis for this? I've led a crusade to inform people that there are VERY few TRUE differences between online communications and tangible communications. Of course, you wouldn't go ratling off social security numbers and credit card numbers online, but would you do it to someone you talk to face-to-face? A "creep" or "pervert" who you fear being an online stalker could be a stalker in person. Actually, it would end up being WORSE in person, because they can see you, follow you, find your vehicle, etc. I don't mean to try to scare any of you, but I mean, before you think about judging by some weak double standard, just think about how much you're leaving yourself open for.

-B

Respect

2008-01-23T18:16:00.000-05:00

Through my many readers and their many different opinions about my many blogs, most of you have wondered what I personally think about women and what I think about women: which I like and which I don't. Men and women alike have asked me both directly and indirectly about the women I'm into. For the longest time, I've given a concise listing, but for the first time, I will lay it all out. The following is MY list that I rep wholeheartedly.

Spirituality - This is the paramount, essential, mandatory, must-have, etc. I can't leave enough strong words to express how valuable spirituality is to me. A woman who can proudly hold it down as a glowing reflection of her higher power is worthy of all due respect, because it's not easy. Besides, if I see this woman as a relationship option, God MUST co-sign on it, or you better start playing Biz Markie (old heads will know what song I'm referencing). If you cannot say with all of you where you come from, I respect where you may go, but it won't be with me.
Business Sense - It's been said "you'll always lose money chasing (wo)men, but you'll never lose (wo)men chasing money." I dig this train of thinking. Even if I'm all alone, I STILL have a duty to live. My father raised me with the mindset of "a man can take care of himself", and I believe it. People who meet me now KNOW that I'm into my business game heavy, and in order for you to move on, you've gotta respect that.

Conversely, I respect the hell out of a woman who has a sense of accomplishment about herself. I know many women are out there doing it big, but there are those who deal with issues that are thrown at them and there are those that go above and beyond to GET those blessings that are on the horizon. If you're in school, DO school. If you are totally into your career, DO that. If you're into opening your heart to who could become your man, DO that. This goes back to the previous blog. Damn all this being afraid of failure. Life is for the taking and those that GET it will get it. Do you, boo boo, cuz I'm surely doing me.
Intelligence - As anyone will tell you, I am far from a fool. My mind is my greatest gift, and I plan to honor the blessing. A brain is so sexy, so a woman who can present her mind as her most beautiful asset get major props from me. A person of great intellectual capacity equates to most as great potential for versatility. Of course, there are some nerdy jerks, but I think that any man or woman should be HONORED to be called a "nerd" or "geek" (coming from a geek). A woman I work with was wearing glasses today, and I said "Oh, you've got your glasses on today, huh?" She said "Do I look like a nerd, because if I do, I'll take them off!" Ask people who know and they'll tell you, "Brainy" is sexy...
Creativity - Unique people stand out. People who are able to bring a sense of themselves and incorporate into everything they do is a very attractive feature that anybody would love to be around. Independent thought expressed through creative outlets are like brownie points in action, because they indicate attention and excitement. This is why people like gifts rather than money (in most cases). They like to see what people's minds will come up with and how it will play into their lives.

Beating around the bush aside, I love this quality, because I refuse to make any relationship I'm a part of "The Brandon Show". I'm not hired entertainment, so those who cannot give as well as they receive become a bore. If the only reason you're around me is to be entertained by my unique gifts, allow me to send you a bill of services rendered. I know I'm quirky, funny, unique, creative, amazing, etc., and I have no problems conveying that. Someone who can bring that same sense of singularity and pizazz gets high marks.
Positivity - Let me say that again. POSITIVITY. I am a magnet for positive energy, and I love it when I'm able to be around people who are able to embrace and accentuate the positive, while being a realist about the negative. Don't get me wrong, I know that everyday isn't rosy sunshine, but I everyday isn't a drag, either. I cannot get with people who are ALWAYS negative or only bring problems to me. I've had to stop people in the middle of a harangue and say "did anything POSITIVE happen to you?!", because a constant onslaught of negativity is DRAINING. I mean, I love helping people and being a beam of reason and hope when you're down (hey, we all need people like that), but if that's all I'm going to be, then you should be paying me and lying on a couch. My middle school teacher tried to explain the convention of negative/positive multiplication with this analogy:

"If you have two positive or negative people (positive/negative numbers), then the outcome will be positive, because they are so alike that they just gel well together. If you have one positive and one negative, though, the outcome will be negative, because these two personalities will clash when fused together..."

To this, I say amen. Positivity is a GOOD thing.
Self-Control - Now, I have to elaborate on this one. By self-control, I simply mean control of self. To know one's self and to remain true to it is a beautiful thing. A continuous erratic flurry of emotions only leads to chaos, because it doesn't allow the other person to see who you really are. If you are all for something, and then, when it's on the verge of happening, you second guess it, and feel another way. Then, afterwards, you think it over, and you come to a different conclusion. If that was confusing to read, it's even MORE confusing to endure. Women who can stick by their choices get a world of respect from me. If I'm expected to be a man about mine, a lady should also be able to rise to the challenge of life and handle her business.
Self-Awareness - I've had this talk with many people and written about this subject a few times here. Basically, I'm going back to talking about women who are aware of how they come off and they mind themselves in certain situations and atmospheres. I go to the ever popular "scantly-clad woman in the club" example. I respect womanhood to the best of my ability, sure, but I cannot get with the fact that these women put themselves out there like that WANTING the attention, but not liking it when they get it. If I walk into a McDonald's with an employee's uniform on, Joe Blow has every right to walk up to me, thinking I work there, and address me as such. I know you like showing off that you have a large butt, but baby, you've GOTTA be aware of the consequences. That word "wanting" has me segueing into my next point...
Gift Management - Gift management?! What in the world? It simply means this: many people CLAIM they want something, but are incapable of handling it when they come across it. This was covered in my last blog, so I'm not going to go into hella detail about it. I just wanted to list it as a definite item of note. If you're willing and able to put in the same amount of work at gift maintenance as you did with gift reception, I ovate you.
Children - Yep, that's right. Mr. "I Don't Date Women With Children" (click words to link to blog explaining why) respects the angel in single mothers. Raising a child is a gift that everybody is not afforded. Women who take on the task of performing this amazing feat of strength blows me away. I wish I could give them all a week of rest, just to let them know I understand. Single mothers, I know there's no way I can feel what you go through everyday, but to the depths of who I am, I proclaim LOUDLY that I respect you to the utmost. God bless you all.
Confidence - Women with confidence rock, I just can't say that enough. A woman who is willing to kick, push her way to what she wants, unafraid of being judged, doing something wrong, or plagued by insecurity. One of my frat brothers said "you think long, you think wrong". There comes a time in life where you have to stop thinking and just do it. My parents say "the worst someone can do is tell you 'no'." So many people FEAR the word no that they are willing to remain miserable. I don't think there is anything wrong with people who feel that way, but I also don't think that it will get you very far. I am not a mind reader by hobby or profession, so I don't have the time to dig into any body's head to see what they really want and address it. If you're too scared to go for yours, I will be, too.
Sexuality - Let's not kid ourselves. This topic is soooo controversial, I've cracked a couple eggshells just mentioning it. There are quite a few women out there that fear their own sexuality. A woman who can come out of her own skin and rep that part of herself is very respectable. Yes, this even applies to promiscuous women. Even though a promiscuous woman isn't the brand of woman I would just outright trip over myself running to, a promiscuous woman who doesn't see it as a badge of shame and PROTECTS herself (STD's are no joke!) commands respect. Even though you may not agree, you gotta respect her mind.

Also, I think that people who are afraid of coming out and exposing that side of them over time (no body's trying to do it upon first glance, come on!), especially if they know that's a part of who they are, are a drag. I don't know if sex is another man initiative, but a lot of times, I don't really hear women mention sex around other men if it's not to break them down or to speak about what should not be done or safety options. Even though the sexual part of us shouldn't be our leading foot, I believe people should be comfortable in their own underwear. My cousin once asked me "what's something a woman has never asked you that you've always wanted her to?" For the longest time, I couldn't think of something until now. The answer? "Are you a sexual person?" Watch America eat THAT up.
Assumption-Free - Kanye West said "when you assume, you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me." Well, I'm sure others have said it as well, but I know he said it. A woman who opts to run on assumptions as opposed to doing research and unearthing the truth has no purpose around me.

For example, I own a stainless silver ring with a black cross etched into it. It is a BEAUTIFUL ring that I wear everywhere I go. It was a gift I received in August of 2005 that I cherish dearly. It was a surprise gift, so of course, I didn't know what size it would be. Luckily, the size guess was right.

What's the problem? The ring looks JUST like a wedding band. Also, let's pile on the fact that I'm left-handed and favor my jewelry on my left hand/wrist/arm. So,when I want to wear the ring, I can't put it on my ring finger for obvious reasons. My solution was to wear it on my left middle finger. After all this, I STILL have women who assume I'm married, but instead of asking about it, they just rule me out as another married man trying to hit on them (what the heck is wrong with these creeping married men?!).

I don't respect this foolishness at ALL. If you want to assume, assume yourself dismissed.
Versatility - I know this will probably run together with creativity, but hobbies are attractive. Women who admit that they are boring will probably have a hard time getting with people who aren't. I have a great deal of respect for women who can inspire and motivate me. A woman of many options and many avenues of enjoyment are excitement. A woman who can PLAN and ARRANGE meetings?! Grab the smelling salts, because I'm about to faint...
Acceptance - Acceptance means acceptance of the positive. A woman who cannot accept a compliment as a compliment is offensive. Every time a guy compliments a woman, it's not always coupled with a hidden agenda. While this is a minor thing, I still respect a woman who is capable of this.

Women of integrity, valor, beauty, respect, and honesty are not only respectable, but sexy as all get out. A woman is more than a body, which is why I did not include anything physical on the list. Heaven spare life, the physical WILL change, but who they are is what counts in the long-term. To these ladies, I salute you...

-B

Love Has Fallen Down on Me

2008-01-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm aware that I haven't blogged much (at all, really) since I became a man of Alpha. It's been something that I have thought about a lot, but I think that this subject is the topic that I should end the hiatus with.

Recently, I've said to myself that relationships are quite important. I've thought about the 4 years since my last relationships, and I've thought about the possibility of entertaining one again. Then, I thought about a few other things that brought some ideas to my mind about women and then I heard...

On that independent sh-t, Trade it all for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really means? You wonder if you'll ever find your dreams?

-Kanye West, I Wonder

I recently asked some female friends of mine what their heart's greatest unfulfilled desire was. The results: all but three said that they wanted to love and be loved, having a husband, and having a family. It was wonderful to see first hand that the masquerade of male-bashing and "independence" and "I don't need a man" is just that: a masquerade. Young, old, single, involved, the whole spectrum. Relationships mean a lot to PEOPLE, not just women. They breathe a new sense of life and give our existence a greater meaning and dangit, doesn't being in love just feel great?

Then, I got to thinking about all of the wonderful women out there who ARE single, looking for that "special someone" with which to give their heart to and receive theirs in return. I got to wondering why some of these women are in the situations that they are in.

I think that as a society, when we look at someone on the outside and they appear to be someone of great standing with all they are "looking for", they go around looking for a catch. We assume there is some vice that they fall victim to or some false bottom that explains their situation. Some men and women will see people of the opposite sex who are attractive, successful, intelligent, etc. and see that they are single and approach with caution, expecting the worst.

The problem with that is that if you look for something hard enough, you will find enough to validate it. People of this nature shoot things that these people do through a fine-tooth comb, over analyzing them so that they can find things to validate their own preconceived conclusion. As they are of a higher caliber, they are judged by a higher set of standards, I guess...

Anyway, I started wondering why some people are not in relationships or why sometimes, people don't end up in the best sorts of relationships for them. I've come to this "conclusion". I think that it is due to one or more of the following reasons. Keep in mind, this list is not ranked or applicable for EVERY PERSON, but I see these as being reasons for some people's state of involvement.

Timelines - I've said it once, and I'll say it until I'm out of here: life timelines are RARELY, if ever, a good thing. The thing about relationship timelines is that it puts people into a sense of rushed dejection, where they feel a sense a slight depression about their relational status. They may feel that because they are a certain age or because everyone around them is in a relationship, that it SHOULD be "their time".

This leads people to sometimes jump in relationships that may not necessarily be GOOD for them, but they figure it beats the alternative of being alone. The problem with this is that this line of thinking totally goes against God's grand design. He told us that He would supply all of our needs in His time. In church, that's all fine and dandy, but when in the real world, people sometimes take their life into their own hands and they try to force the issue. Then, when they hit a brick wall, they place blame everywhere but themselves, never citing their failure to heed God's call or to follow His divine design upon our lives.

Granted, patience is a virtue and relying on faith for something you want so bad is NEVER easy, it is IMPERATIVE that you follow ALL of the guidelines in order to gain the euphoria. This is why the entire concept of "looking" should be abolished. If God has your special someone for you, then what is there for YOU to look for? If someone who is always on time and always there for you and always delivers when it counts, why should you have a timeline to worry about?

"...and I wonder"
Fear - Fear is a wondrous weapon. The amazing thing about fear is that fear will ALWAYS trigger action. If someone fears something, they WILL act when confronted with it. If you fear your house being burglarized, you WILL take measures to secure it. If you fear a particular co-worker, you WILL either try to take steps to avoid them or to have the threat neutralized. I think this country's administration has used the fear tactic quite well, but that's another issue.

In this instance, I am addressing fear in two specific aspects: fear of being hurt and fear of loneliness. Hurt sucks a LOT, so of course, people will do what they can to avoid such an emotional blow to the heart. Loneliness is a feeling of self abandonment, and who in the world DESIRES to truly be alone? Both of these fears, while different in their own ways, have similar disastrous consequences.

Fear of Being Hurt: As I stated earlier, hurt is a bad mofo. Emotional hurt leaves scars that can last a lifetime. Love is equated with vulnerability, and when people who have been hurt before are confronted with the concept of being that vulnerable again, they fear it. This fear triggers a few different reactions.

They may over-read a person, analyzing every little detail, trying to see if these actions will lead to a personal emotional attack. The problem with this is that these analyses can sometimes conflict with what actually is, because when you think out of fear, you are never thinking rationally. Someone may very well act very nicely, but because of the fear you have, you may respond to this gesture defensively, bracing for some sort of a setup.

I'm all for people learning from mistakes of the past, but the guardianship, or level thereof, should apply to the persons that are deserving of it. I've always been told growing up "listen to what people say and watch what they do". People who say "but everybody says that" disregard the fact that players and genuine people do not ACT the same. People who are actually out there DOING do because they want to. People who are just BS'ing for personal gain often couple actions with words of score keeping, as if they want you to KNOW they did something. So although these two types of people may have similar speech, their actions differ. Thinking with the mind AND heart is essential.

Also, people who fear being hurt may also develop a complex where they push people away that they find themselves attracted to under the guise of avoiding hurt by not letting anybody get too close. In the squarest of theories, this works well, because if no body's close enough to get you where you are vulnerable, nobody can truly strike you and set you up for the big fall. The problem with this is that whole mind-heart thought relationship when you find someone who really IS good and really DOES care for you. Your HEART is saying "I really care for this person and I would like to venture forward", but the mind is saying "remember what could happen! you could get hurt! foolish heart, don't be fooled into another emotional trap that will leave you alone and hurt!"

Often times, this will lead to a conflict that the actual PERSON cannot resolve without ignoring one, which leaves them to either think with their head OR their heart. If you go with your mind, you push people away, and potentially push GOOD people away. If you go with your heart, you tread SO SOFTLY, you treat the person almost like a suspect on trial, innocent until proven guilty. What good person is going to stay around while (s)he is on trial for crimes they not only haven't committed, but don't plan to commit?

In whichever case, it will lead to the person succeeding in not letting anybody get too close. HOWEVER, they have also secured their own failure, because while you have kept people at bay, you have also promised yourself your own loneliness. This leads me to my next point.

Fear of Loneliness: Loneliness is a beast that is hard to slay once you are totally under its spell. It can cause one to become suspicious of EVERYBODY, especially if you have become ACCUSTOMED to being lonely and have not entertained company that intimate in a long time. Conversely, fear of falling into that hole can cause people to move VERY hastily and often, they will "relationship hop" just to avoid long spells of being single. When this fear of loneliness is coupled with the aforementioned timeline, it can create DISASTROUS effects of a monumental nature, because it could result in being with someone who is bad for you, marrying and/or having children with them, and having that tie to them forever.

This, of course, will insure that they will never be lonely anymore, but they will have that aggravating cloud looming over them forever. Lasting relationships do NOT exist out of haste. They REQUIRE time, and if that order is disturbed, then you are at the mercy of your own impatience. The person that fears being alone does not give themselves enough credit, because it is not always their "fault". As I stated in a previous blog, people who possess good qualities are intimidating, and a lot of people are too scared to approach them out of fear of rejection. I just remembered that, so I'll add this little note about it.

Fear of Rejection: Rejection is something NOBODY looks forward to. I think this is something women fight with more than men, because of society's assumptions that men are traditionally the initiators. Men make the initial approach, make date proposals, propose marriage, etc., which can cause some women to get complacent with it. They then develop a fear of rejection based on the way they've rejected men or seen men get rejected (if they have not been personally rejected before). An approach involves immediate vulnerability, and the fear of that vulnerability being attacked right off the bat will send many people retreating into a cave of solitude, I mean SAFETY.

However, there is a saying that "the answer is always no until you ask". If you see someone who catches your eye, and your fear of rejection has you praying THEY will make the first move can amount to plenty missed opportunities. If you miss out and you did nothing to help your situation, the only person you can "blame" is the person you can control: yourself. A closed mouth doesn't get fed, so if you don't go for yours, you will find out the harsh way that life offers VERY few handouts. Go for yours...

"...and I wonder"
Unrealistic Pacing - Some people's past hurts and shortcomings can affect them in a very real way when it comes to their present and future, ESPECIALLY if they have been hurt a LOT. They will be so accustomed to people hurting them and equating people with negative experiences, that the minute they experience someone who is just positivity in all aspects of themselves, they find themselves latching on to them. Their sudden excitement will cause them to want to do as little as possible to lock that person down the FASTEST way possible.

The problem with this is that they move at a pace that will almost assure their unhappiness. Why, you ask? This whole thought process is based on the whole timeline concept, in that if the object of their affection in any way objects to the timeline, they are accused of "playing games" and wasting that person's precious time. However, if this person goes with the timeline, it's almost assured that the two will get into a relationship without getting to truly know all about each other.

These things WILL be revealed during the course of this rushed relationships, of course, but by then, feelings are so deeply invested, they are interpreted with FAR MORE scrutiny than if they were still friends and took the time to get to know that person. Being with someone means accepting everything that comes with that person, bitter and sweet. If a woman's friends see their friend's boyfriend with his uncles getting drunk and grab-assing at a club, they will equate that man with the woman's choice in men. If the woman sees that herself or has knowledge, she has signed off on that behavior being okay.

Of course, there are people who take their time and learn things they wish they hadn't after the fact as well, but the chance of doing things in a rushed fashion like that has a higher probability of ending up that way than not. Time has this funny way of bringing things to light, and a stink WILL get aired out at one point or another.

"...and I wonder"
Personal Contradiction - Again, this is something that is an emotional nuclear bomb when combined with the timeline. People who KNOW they are one way will suddenly feel that their actions need to change cold turkey because of some self-diagnosed reason. the problem with this is that change takes time to truly take effect. If you were not in the mindset of someone who wants a relationship yesterday, you cannot jump into the mindset of someone who does without slowly shedding old habits.

This will lead to relationships that still exhibit parts of the "old you", which could lead to the hurt of you and the one you're with. If a man is a player, he cannot shed his player ways overnight. If a person is a promiscuous sexaholic, that can't be changed with a word. Honesty in a relationship in a relationship starts with being honest with yourself. If you KNOW in your heart that you can't handle something right now, give it time and re-evaluate it. VERY few things change successfully overnight, especially if it involves rehab of bad habits. You are only lying to yourself if you think you can just jump into something (and bring someone else with you) when you know in your heart that you haven't given yourself time to adapt to the change. There's a word for that: selfishness.

"...and I wonder"
Personal Insecurity - A good (wo)man is not cheap. If they were easy to acquire, everyone would have one, eliminating the concept of a "good (wo)man". They are good because they stand out. Just as they are more valuable than the average, they demand a high amount of work to not only get, but to KEEP. You may GET a good person my menial means, but in the course of being with them, you will see demands being put on you to meet them at their level of investment. A man with a good heart demands a woman of a good heart. A woman who values a good man demands a man that values a good woman. A saved woman demands a saved man. A man that gives demands a woman that gives.

Let's tackle this from the before and the after. This may not always be after a RELATIONSHIP, but after you know that you have secured a positive position in the person's life. On the before end, you have people who let insecurity take them out of the running by allowing that intimidation to eat away at them to the point that they take themselves out of the running. A good person will REFUSE to chase someone who keeps running away. If you spend your conversations telling the person about all the other people you're sure they have coming after them and how they could be with all those other people, eventually, they will begin to seek those other avenues. I mean, you've already made such a good case for them, so why shouldn't they look at the vast horizon you keep beating in their head that they have? You might be the apple of their eye, but if you have such little confidence in yourself that you can only point out other people, then their focus will shift to other people.

On the after end, you may be with someone who is doing great things in your life, and you know you are truly the beneficiary of a good thing. They are investing in you and the two of you. You are overjoyed anytime you communicate and you know you have a shoulder to come to, knowing they will not judge you or turn you away. Then, your insecurities will kick in and you wonder "what am I doing to deserve this person? How am I reciprocating? What do I do for this person to be worthy of all this?" This creates a concept of self-doubt that is incurable to everyone but the person who created it. This sometimes lead to the pre-relationship insecurity behavior, where the person is confronted with all the other options they could be with. Again, in time, the person may stop trying to MAKE them believe otherwise and follow that person's advice.

Women are not the only ones that find confidence appealing. Men LOVE a woman who KNOWS she is the bomb and puts it down on the regular. Women don't want a man who acts like a damn punk, men don't want a woman who masks her insecurity with hate or by playing the victim all the time. If you fail to believe that you are a good person, you will fail to convince others that you are. If you have to ask how much you do, you're not doing enough. Step it up and meet them in the clouds or stop believing that you're not doing enough. Good people exist in being, not words. Good men don't go around parading, claiming they are good men, because they spend all their time BEING good men. Good women don't need to spend all their time differentiating themselves from hoochies, because their track record speaks for itself.

"...and I wonder"
People Living Your Life - I don't think I need to dive deeply into this, so I won't. When you give people the power to be in your ear like Iago the parrot, needling your every move, you will end up doing what they want you to do. If you have your friends all in your ear criticizing your every emotional move and you listen to it, you will end up doing what THEY want you to do, as opposed to what YOU want to do. If you have people who have no earthly idea of what they're talking about, then you are the one who will take the fall. If you follow bad advice that a friend gave you, they can say "sorry" and go on with their life while you are left to sleep in a bed you made.

This is what bothers me about people who are NOT in relationships who have no concept of people giving relationship advice to people who have someone. If they give advice based on spite or some past hurt you KNOW they have, then more likely than not, they are about to give you biased advice. People with their head on straight will give objective advice. They will say when the other person is wrong and when YOU are wrong. A good friend will praise your high points, but will also try to help you to fix your low points so that they are no longer low points. The moral: accept and factor in GOOD advice, but at the end, live your life based on your own conclusions.

I also have an issue with people who try to rush people into a relationship because they can't understand the dynamic of the friendship that the two people have already come to agreement on. If the two of you all have come to a friendship agreement, that's what it is. Don't let people come in your ear like "why aren't you in a relationship?" They are on the outside looking in with short eyes, and Curtis Mayfield said beware of dirty, dirty Short Eyes (of course, he was talking about child molesters, but you know what I'M talking about!)

"...and I wonder"

Whew, that was a lot. That said a lot, but I also think it communicated a good deal about what people need to know. You've got to follow the divine design, believe in you, and follow your heart and mind TOGETHER! Man, I love good people. As a good person, I really have this love for good people who have not found their special someone. I sometimes wished that God would grant me the ability to love them all, to give them the best of all a good person can bring. Not on a player tip, but to truly give, because it's a wonderful thing to receive a good thing. I've been blessed to have been around people that inspire me and move me to want to be more than I was before. Of course, nobody can be everything to everybody, but it's wonderful to be able to help. To all those good people, keep your eyes on Him and your special someone is promised.

Did you realize that you were a champion in their eyes?

-B

Happy Birthday

2007-12-04T23:46:00.000-05:00

ALPHA PHI ALPHA FRATERNITY, INC.
1906-2007

-B

She's Gone

2007-11-22T11:32:00.001-05:00

Dr. Donda West
1949-2007

Thank you.

-B

Guess Who's Back!

2007-11-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

Man-Made

Reaching my eighteenth birthday made me a man
Being an African-American descendent made me a black man
Life-long Louisiana residency made me a Southern man
Abiding by Christian tenants made me a spiritual man
Having a close, loving bloodline made me a family man

My constant quest for knowledge made me a wise man
The old school music in my heart made me a soul man
Obtaining a college degree made me an educated man
Being an educated, black man made me a dangerous man
Possessing versatile talents made me a renaissance man

Extravagant physical features made me a beautiful man
Believing in God's design made me a confident man
Living on wisdom of the past made me a cautious man
Living by "I Will Not Lose" made me a successful man
Possessing a sparkling spirit made me a chosen man

My love and respect for women made me a ladies' man
Valuing a woman's mind before body made me a rare man
Being a love junkie made me a highly desired man
Standing firm for those I touch made me a revered man
The feeling I leave with them made me a memorable man

Living on the faith of the Father made me a calm man
Placing others in high esteem made me a caring man
Sculpting thought into poetics made me a creative man
My dedication to my grind made me a diligent man
Always being on the top of my game made me THE man

Being at the forefront of the world's warriors, though
Bringing light to this mortal coil one day at a time
Leading by example, head held high, inviting progress
And above all, being support as my brother's keeper
As both the captain of my fate and master of my soul
Being the best of all above made me an ALPHA MAN!!

© Brandon Harris 2007

A PHI A! MUCH LOVE TO MY ICE COLD BROTHERS OF THE OLDEST AND COLDEST PHRATERNITY IN THE LAND!! DJ ICE GRILL HAS BEEN OPHICIALLY PHROZEN!
1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-9, 06!!!

I'm Gone

2007-10-08T22:41:00.001-04:00

"See y'all in November!!!"

-B

You've Passed

2007-10-05T22:17:00.000-04:00

Sheriff Harry Lee
1931-2007

-B

Is This the End?

2007-10-05T22:13:00.000-04:00

And someone saved my life tonight, sugar bear
You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away...high away...
Bye...Bye...

-Elton John

-B

I Wanna Thank You

2007-09-11T20:27:00.000-04:00

I would like to thank everybody who has reached out with their condolences. As I said earlier, I DID attend the funeral, and it was very surreal. I just could not get the fact that the body in that casket was my friend. I went up to kneel before her, but I couldn't bring myself to look directly in her face. During the final viewing (before they closed the casket), I did tell her goodbye and kissed her on her forehead. Let me tell you. Kissing a dead body is like kissing cold metal. You could tell that they sucked the blood from her, because it was like kissing a cold skull that was overlaid with this film called skin.

Why am I being so graphic (and forgive me if I am)? It's simply because death is still pretty new to me. Yea, I'm aware of the obvious stuff about death (it happens to everybody, etc.), but to this point, I've been lucky to not have a lot of people that are close to me die. Of course, I know this will not be the case forever, and everybody has their day, but up to this point, I haven't had to deal with it much. It's a horrible feeling, especially when it's somebody that you're close to.

On a good note, I know she would have wanted everybody who attended to smile and to live life to the max. It's quite refreshing to know she was a good woman, because I know her aura of positivity is all over the place (much like letting her love light shine).

I felt like crap for most of the day, but my crying shoulders have made this experience much easier to deal with. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

-B

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday/She's Gone

2007-09-11T02:39:00.000-04:00

Cathrise Louise Woods Nelson
1969-2007

Today would have been her 38th birthday. To celebrate it, I am going to her funeral. This blog is in memory of a wonderful friend and an angel of a person. I always wondered how she'd be mentioned in my blog, but never in a million years did I think it would be this way. Cathy, I love you and will miss you dearly. Rest in peace and I'll mourn you till I join you...

-B

Back For More

2007-09-08T13:08:00.000-04:00

I was told that comments had been disabled, but if it was, it's fixed. Feel free to comment.

-B

Tell It Like It Is

2007-09-07T18:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know I've given women a bad rap and a verbal beating on my blog before, and some of it may seem a bit one-sided. Now, don't get me wrong. I stand behind what I said, but it's not as bad and twerked as it may seem sometimes. Men have been messing up BAD, and a lot of times, the only ones who are actively speaking up about it are women. This, I believe, often leads to people women as profiling about men and complainers, when in actuality, they have a point. It also seems that a majority of the things wrong with men are Ohio Players album titles. Ehhh, coincidence is a mutha...

Orgasm: I think this is about the mose obvious flaw in the male gender. Being humans, we are the only animals with the ability to choose who our sex partners are. Okay, all biology aside, lemme get to the point. I HAVE NEVER been able to understand what it is about a woman's vagina that makes men do such STUPID crap! Men who will be in situations with GOOD women who worship the ground they walk on and provide them with all that they want, but they creep because 2 women > 1. Who the hell cares what happens to this woman who has put her all into making their relationship work? Who cares about all the time the people get involved? What happens if Woman 2 begins to catch feelings?

I've seen men go to prison, fight, threaten, go broke, and extend themselves far beyond their means for come coochie. Denouce family members, break friendly ties, and all that for some woman they were sleeping with. So, it's okay to be territorial over someone you're sleeping on (whether you are morally able to at the time or not), but being proactively claiming someone you're in a relationship is "simping"? Confucius would have had a field day with the men of modern day. "Man who think with thing ask for trouble" would've probably been a header. Aside from porn, I cannot recall many circumstances where that has led to a positive outcome. Guys, stop worrying about gettin' some and get yourself together. Stop worrying about gettin' head and worry about getting ahead. There are TOO many opportunities to enrich your situation to spend it worrying about this one woman's vagina. Of course, to most guys, this would make me a hater for one reason or another, but damn that. Women have caught onto this perverted logic for a HOT minute now, so I'm not saying anything they haven't caught on to.

Some guys will try to justify this absurd behavior under the guise of being a pimp. "I gotta get me," "God made man to sow his seed as he may," etc. THEN, these women become hoes after you deal with them (or sometimes before or AS they're dealing with them). Hmmmmm, let's see. Now, someone who consorts with hoes (or whores) without getting paid off of that woman's earnings is called a whoremonger. Lesson, fellas. Being a whoremonger is NOT a good thing. Just as a woman does not like being referred to as a ho, a man should NOT aspire to be a whoremonger. PLUS, if you are spending money on the woman to groom her to have sex, then you become a friggin' JOHN (of course, this is if you see this woman as a ho or a bitch)!! How gangsta is it to be a John?! Not only do pimps have hoes paying them, but pimps RARELY have sex with their women (read a book). A pimp is about his money, not the honey. See below for continuance.
Gold: Okay, maybe this issue is not as bad as the obsessive hunt for coochie, but the ramifications can be just as terrible. What's this issue? It's a man and his money. I will speak on this issue from two perspectives.

The first perspective is a man and being tight with his money. A cliche instance of this is the guy in the club who buys a drink and feels that he owns this woman for the duration of the night. Of course, human nature would lead us to want to get a return on our investments, but paying money to justify handcuffing a human being is NOT okay. Everybody's scared of being "played", so they feel that if they don't cough up any money, there's no way to have been screwed.

Yea, that's all fine and dandy, but how does this affect the women, though? It affects them because these men end up becoming overly clingy and become a 3rd nipple on a woman's chest as he tried to get a return on his investment, which could be whatever (not only sex). Of course a place like a club is like a casino, where there is NO promise on any kind of investment made on the premises, and any kind of investment made is a gamble. When you go from a mild-mannered statesman before the money and assert the role of overcontrolling boyfriend after the money, YOU are the problem.

The OTHER perspective is a man's relationship with the woman's money. Yes, I'm diving into leeches now. Those who will suck up a woman's resources, run up bills in her name, destroy her credit, user her vehicle more than she does, live in her quarters (rent-free), consuming her food without replenishing it, and take advantage of this woman overall. Meanwhile, these leeches have no intentions of being with this woman, so they are living their lives, chasing other women. These other women sometimes come IN that woman's house to have relations with the leech, etc. When it all falls down, though, he leaves the situation, and the victimized woman is left in pieces. This leaves a scorned woman, leery of all men and their attempts to get close to her, because NOBODY wants to have their lives destroyed. Now granted, I can't stand a gold digger either, but a leech is JUST as bad. Leeching is NOT pimping. Pimps tell hoes that they are pimps, and the hoes understand the relationship. If you wanna be a pimp, step to her like a pimp, and let her choose you (don't be a lame, you know the game and how it goes...). Disgusting.
Pain: Okay, this one is a bit hard to explain, but y'all know I will break it down anyway. As anybody who knows their stuff will tell you, men are egotistical and women are emotional. Men think and women feel. Men have their pride and women have their feelings. Some of these men and their protection of their damn pride can lead to RAMPANT female destruction. Men feel and get hurt just like women do, but I think that it hurts just as deep as it does with women, but men are sometimes in positions that force them to internalize their pain so others can't see it. This will lead to a phenomenon known as "fronting". Journey with me...

The animalistic quest to be the alphamale is very apparent in humans. Males strive to be the top of the pile to look the most appealing to the females to be the object of relationships and reproduction. Therefore, the more people that can be conquered can be perceived as power to some. The problem comes in where women become victims in the name of a bolstered ego. A conquest of any kind is a bump to your pride, so how wonderful would it be to aspire to conquer as many things as possible? It's NOT, though. People are not to be conquered, they are to be networked with. God created us equal and He set nobody above anybody (outside of parents to their children). So to go to a woman, "conquer" her in whatever way that you choose to, count her as a notch on your belt, and walk off AIN'T hot. That ain't the way you make love, homeboy.

Another problem (and probably more prevalent problem) is when a man is trying to safeguard hurt pride. I believe that most men move on, but rarely forget. Men know those who have hurt them, and they know HOW they have been hurt. Men possess the capacity of becoming scorned as well, and EVERYBODY suffers (not just women). Anytime anybody comes close to hitting that crack in their pride, they become an ass and lash out. "Better that they leave you alone than let them stay and dig into you". Mental, physical, emotional abuse usually stems from some sort of internal safeguard. Dude, this is SO not cool, because you affect LIVES, not just feelings. It's HARD to sit idly by and respect anybody who beats back at anybody to the point that their whole LIVELIHOOD is negatively affected. *deep sigh* Moving on...
Contradiction: This is pretty much a continuance of all the forementioned points. Too many men nowadays are blatant contradictions, leaving the people they come in contact with confused and unwilling to deal with them. Instead of just saying "I just wanna do it", "I want a woman I can leech off", or "My history of being hurt by women in the past has hurt my pride, so expect me to be an ass to you", they try to come off as Johnny Pinache, who at first glance seems to offer the world. After all, he's put so much into this image, of COURSE it's gonna be effective. Then, as time goes by, they discover that these people are not who they thought they were, the damage has been done.

Authenticity is a priceless and rare quality, which is why it's so in demand ("I want somebody REAL"). Guys need to STOP trying to be a *insert role* and focus on being themselves. There are TONS of women who would have sex with a guy who asked, but who wants to take that chance of getting rejected? Yes, women hate the feeling of rejection, but men hate it, too. Why risk being rejected for who you are when you can be accepted for who she wants you to be? That's not a problem when the two are the same, but when they are different, the two trains WILL eventually run into each other. Guys, we gotta do better.

Yea, that was a lot, but I'm sure many people need to know it and a lot of people need to be called out on it. Everybody is somebody's child. Everybody is intimately connected to a woman from birth, so you already know that connection. Also, the people who are guilty will feel the most offended, and to that, I say, check yourself. Hope this will lead to movements in the right direction.

-B

Anniversary

2007-08-30T00:41:00.000-04:00

Hurrican Katrina. 2 years ago today. New Orleans stand up.

-B

Happy Birthday

2007-08-20T20:42:00.000-04:00

I made it, y'all! 25 years strong and not a hint of stopping!

-B

A Good Man Is Gone

2007-08-13T18:15:00.001-04:00

Merv Griffin
1925-2007

-B

Make It Easy on Yourself

2007-08-12T22:00:00.000-04:00

I had a long blog about this, but when I went to post it, my connection to Blogger died. So, I'll just post a brief summary of it:

Paragraph 1: Saw a show on Oprah about women in their 30's across America. One of the women she talked to was an African-American attorney, who said that she finds herself intimidating because she believes that a woman of her stature with so many things going for herself makes her feel like she's on a plateau that most men feel they can't measure up to.

Paragraph 2: I saw what she was saying and I came to the conclusion that I too, am emotionally and relationally intimidating. I frequently get questions from many different sources, inquiring about how many other women I'm seeing and assumptions that I have millions of women running after me. I stated that these assumptions are not good for establishing anything concrete with the assumer, because it shifts the attention away from that person and me. I commented on how some people believe it's a thing of women and their fear of rejection, but due to me not being a woman, I cannot accurately confirm or deny.

Paragraph 3: I got into the nuts and bolts of my own confidence, knowing I could have any woman I wanted on the basis of being the good man that I AM, not who I appear to be. I stated that this is a fact rooted in confidence and not arrogance (as some might be inclined to believe). Life is a gamble, and me harping on what I can't have while trying to get it will cockblock on my ability to actually get it, so I see competition as none and go for mine.

Paragraph 4: This was the paragraph that got me out of trouble. I was explaining that if someone IS, in fact, intimidated by someone else for whatever reason, it is more than likely related to something internal to that person, as opposed to the intimidator FORCING their will upon the "victim". You believing that you don't have a chance is not something I can fix.

Paragraph 5: I spoke on people being with people because of what they KNOW, not on what they fear to be true. I asked if an intimidator being in a committed relationship with the "victim" would end the insecurities, to which I hypothesized that it wouldn't. At what point is an intimidatee satisfied in their own skin? Who has the power to make them comfortable?

Paragraph 6: This was my tough love paragraph. I came straight and said if you believe you have no chance and really ARE intimidated for reasons I didn't FORCE on you, leave that to be YOUR cross to bear. I stated that as many people ask me what kind of women I am attracted to, I see that I will have to make CONFIDENCE a high priority. I don't have the time to stroke insecurities and answer pointless questions so someone can feel safe approaching me. If you're gonna come, come correct.

Paragraph 7: I believe this is where I wrapped it up, pointing out that someone would erroneously think that I was singling them out. I know there are a lot of men AND women who feel this way, and what was said HAD to be said. If you feel this shoe fits the way you are, my advice is try another shoe. No books, no seminar, no Oprah show, and no pep talk can make you confident. They can ASSIST, but TRUE confidence comes from within. I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad, but if they do, then changes need to be made. Neither party's time deserves to be wasted, so if you don't feel you've got a shot, then you probably don't. Not being arrogant, but it's the truth. Why should someone who's not in a committed relationship be subject to doing a dating "check-in" with someone who's interested in them, ESPECIALLY when you don't question ANYBODY they're seeing? No go on that show, yo.

-B

Say A Little Prayer For You

2007-08-12T21:51:00.000-04:00

A wise woman once said "if you're gonna worry, don't pray." I couldn't agree more. Worry is an enemy of prayer. Man, when I heard this, my whole world lit up. It just reflects the way I think to the tee. Prayer is supposed to represent your surrender of a situation to God's control for His agents to mind in His time. If God says He's got it, He's got it. Checking in for status calls or being angry that your prayer hasn't been answered in your own time frame does NOBODY any good. So, I highly recommend that you go to Him with the sense of surrender to let God do what He does best: tend to the needs of His children. God will perform miracles when you let Him. God bless.

-B

Memory Lane

2007-08-12T13:26:00.000-04:00

"Let me tell you how it all got started..."

Well, as many of you know, Frankie Beverly and Maze are my favorite band. However, few of you may actually know the story of how that came to be. Well, take a trip with me back to July, 2005...

As most people know, every July 4th weekend, Essence magazine puts on a 3-day music festival, featuring some of the most popular names in music. Also, it's tradition for Frankie Beverly and Maze to close out the last night. Until '03, I didn't care about the concerts. I was putting all my time to man-whoring in the French Quarter, as it's the main time that African-Americans flood the French Quarter in addition to many of the clubs on Bourbon Street having no cover charge. I THINK that was the year I was to turn 21 (not that it mattered), so I was young and "feeling it".

Well, my good friend Tootie had an extra ticket to Maze night, and she wondered if I wanted to tag along with her and her family. At first, I said no, thinking it would take away from man-whore time, bumping booties on Bourbon. The offer was made time after time, but I continued to say no.

Then, the day of, I was talking to Lois, and she was saying I should give it a chance, because she had seen them multiple times. She knew my love for old school music, and she was just SO sure that this would be right up my alley. She said that even if I hated it, at least it was a free ticket and an opportunity to try something new.

I finally agreed, called Tootie, and accepted the ticket offer. I went home, got dressed, and threw some Maze songs on an mp3 CD to play in the car. I couldn't sing along to anything, because I didn't know any of the words to any of the songs. I met up with Tootie and crew, and we all went to the Dome for the concert.

We went to one of the non-main stage rooms known as Superlounges where non-headlining acts perform. I believe I was able to see Talib Kweli and someone else (memory escapes me). I DO remember Lionel Richie being on the main stage and me not wanting to see him, so we wandered around for some time after Talib left.

We went to our seats, which were about as nosebleed as you can get in the Dome, as far away from the main stage as you can get when it was time for Frankie Beverly and Maze to take the stage. I didn't know much about them, but I knew of 4 songs they did that I at least wanted to hear: Before I Let Go, Joy and Pain, We Are One, and Happy Feelings. They came out and began to roll through numbers, but I was just waiting on my 4. I didn't KNOW We Are One at the time, but I was familiar with the melody. The songs flew by and eventually this tune came on.It was the blare of cymbals and a keyboard chord. When the bass guitar kicked into its rhythm, the song just kinda had me. The vocals eventually came and sealed the deal. That song was We Are One. I recall counting down the songs as I heard them. By the end of their set, Lois was right: I enjoyed it all.

I went home and made sure I had We Are One, and I've loved it ever since. I've seen Frankie Beverly and Maze live 5 times since, and I've loved it every time. I have their set down pat, and I can predict every song cue. To this day, they remain the only musicians I've left New Orleans just to see. As for We Are One, anybody who knows me knows that's my song. To Lois and Tootie, I owe my all to you. Thank you VERY much.

...and that's the way it is.

-B

I'm Going Down

2007-08-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

My respects wholeheartedly go out to those who were involved in the Minneapolis bridge collapse. Also, my respects go out to those people who were a part of the mine collapse a few days ago. This stuff is getting out of hand. Since when have our man-made structures been soo faulty? I don't understand it. I hope that whoever is in charge of construction for future structures learns from these situations to prevent these incidents from occurring. Heaven help us all.

-B

She's Gone

2007-08-12T13:12:00.001-04:00

Tamara "Tammy" Faye Messner
1942-2007

I'll Be Watching You

2007-08-12T12:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I gotta speak up about this. You all know about my battles of seeing women that have children. I believe I've received more input from that topic than any other I've blogged about. Well, I'm gonna keep the topic alive, because there's an instance I gotta speak out about: kids being Top Flight Security.

Here's the breakdown: Suitor visits mother in the late hours for quality time (does not imply anything sexual, just 2 people enjoying each other's company). Mother is making attempts to enjoy the quality time with the suitor. Child who should be asleep pops up, however, talking gibberish and finding pointless experiments to undertake (no offense to the children, but let's face it: people know when children are doing things just to stay awake). Child finds soda to keep themselves energized as the cycle continues. "Attempts" to verbally get the child to go to sleep are not successful as suitor must now endure them both. This trend continues until suitor leaves, after which the child mysteriously becomes tired and goes to sleep 5 minutes after suitor has left.

I've spoken to a few parents about this, and they believe that it's more a thing of the mother allowing it. It seems like a reasonable explanation, but it still doesn't make it right. Why would someone willingly let someone into their personal space at a late hour, only to intentionally allow their safety blankey child to cockblock BOTH of them? I can't get with this madness. Then again, maybe I'm selfish...

-B

Funny How Time Flies (When You're Having Fun)

2007-08-12T12:25:00.000-04:00

The question: Man, what's it gonna take for this guy to start blogging again? The answer: music. I performed my first paid DJ gig last night, and I gotta tell you, it was wonderful. Six hours went by like nothing. I held the crowd down in ways I thought Kenny's hadn't prepared me for. Also, unlike Kenny's, I had the opportunity to receive feedback from the crowd I played for. It was all positive, and there were more requests for my business card than I could fulfill. Now that the pressure of my first gig has been knocked out, I am looking forward to my next gig: DJ'ing my birthday party on Saturday. I can't wait!

-B

Don't Do Me This Way

2007-07-01T09:52:00.000-04:00

I'm online yesterday, doing what I normally do, then I notice that I have an e-mail from a trusted site that I originally investigated. Throughout my investigation, I found out that this was a hacker trying to obtain my information through a technique known as phishing. Phishing is defined as:

In computing, phishing is a criminal activity using social engineering techniques. Phishers attempt to fraudulently acquire sensitive information, such as usernames, passwords and credit card details, by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication.

To help others who may get e-mails of this nature, I am going to explain how I was able to tell that this was indeed NOT from a trusted source and point out what you all need to look out for, should you receive these e-mails.

The E-Mail

My Google Talk notification popped up, saying I had an e-mail from Paypal. Since I have an account at Paypal, I figured it was work taking a look at. Looking at the e-mail, it said that it needed me to update my information or risk account suspension. They provide a link for me to go to, where I can update my account information. Notice the exclamation point in the e-mail title and the notice about impending account suspension. These are here to create a sense of urgency for you to do it NOW. However, from here, I could tell that it is from a hacker. Here's how:
- The exclamation in the title. I've had a Paypal account for years and NEVER have they wanted me to know something SO BAD that they put an exclamation point in a title.
- The return e-mail address. If this e-mail is supposedly coming from Paypal, then why is it being sent from a Google e-mail address?! Hmmmm....
- The grammar. Misspellings in an e-mail are so unprofessional. Yet and still, "Paypal" has no problem sending out messages that say "attertion" (attention. notice 'r' is nowhere near 'n' on the keyboard, factoring out a simple slip in typing.). In addition to that, commas are missing where they are needed. In addition to jail time, these hackers need to attend some grammar classes.
- The link. Since when does an authentic Paypal link start with "http://pc1.navip-unet.ocn.ne.jp"? JP is usually a Japanese extension, as "UK" is for Britain, "DE" is for Germany, etc. A GENUINE Paypal link would start with "https://www.paypal.com". Guess they were so excited to get me to update my information that they just happened to leave that part out. Oh joy!
The Login

This is where the link in the e-mail takes me. This is where I am supposed to log in to change my information. You will notice that the entire site seems to be completely legit. I scrolled over a few links on the page, and they all seemed to go to the real Paypal site. What actually happened is that the hackers stole the source code from the page (source code is kinda like the blueprint of a house, that says where everything goes and the sense of the general layout of a website). Most browsers have an integrated method to view the source code of a website in a simple text file (In Internet Explorer, you click View->Source, for example...). Most people fall for it, because it just looks so legit that they blindly comply. They are still so emotionally charged over the hasty, misspelled e-mail they got that they aren't even worrying about the possibility that it may be a scam. Again, the glaring differences between this login and the real Paypal login give them away:
- The real Paypal site (linked above) is undergoing a change in layout. If you go to the real site, you will see a tab at the top in the middle that says "Preview the new Paypal homepage". However, that option mysteriously has vanished from the link I went to. Maybe they did it so I wouldn't have to feel guilty about having old, dated information in Paypal's database. Awwww, aren't they considerate.
- The real Paypal site has a Security Center link at the top-right, next to Help. Of course, the fakes don't want you looking at any option for Security, so it's not gonna be there.
- The option to choose your language is gone from the fake site. Again, I'm SUUURRRRE Paypal just telepathically knew that I spoke English and didn't want to bother me with trivial nonsense.
- I put in an obviously fake username and password (12 for the "e-mail address" and 34 for the "password"), and I was able to log in!! Any authentic site would have booted me right there. If you're wary about something, test it with a fake address first. If it bites on that, then you KNOW it's a fake (as if all the other tell-tale signs didn't give it away!)/ Also, since when do passwords have bubbles THAT huge?\
- That damn link is STILL not right! What's goin' on, "Paypal"?!
The Personal Information

Here's the meat and potatoes of the scam. Everything I went through up to this point was just buttering me up. Notice the fields they require you fill in. I put in a bunch of fake information (I called the number and verified that nobody by that name answers there, so it's cool). Let's go over this now...
- When you log into Paypal, under the My Account header, the Personal Information tab doesn't even exist! The REAL Paypal site says Overview, Add Funds, Withdraw, History, RESOLUTION CENTER, and Profile. HUGE red flag!
- Why the hell would they want my ATM pin? See, this is where hackers screw up. In the classic movie Casino, Robert DeNiro said this about a cheater in his casino: "If he hadn't been so greedy, he would have been harder to spot". Greed will give people away most of the time, and this case is no exception. When EVER in an online purchase have you EVER been asked for an ATM pin? Never. Paypal is a "middleman" financial service. So, if Paypal needs information that you never need to make a purchase yourself, what would Paypal need this information for? They wouldn't. Can you say "scam"?
- Again, there those freakin' pupil-sized password bubbles are.
- Social Security Number?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND NEEDS TO GIVE THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER TO GET BOOKS FROM AMAZON?! Again, the greed. These hackers wanna be able to screw you over in every way possible, and they aren't even being shy about it now.
- The place you would REALLY change your information over would be on the Profile tab, and here is how it's broken up:
  
  You see how each part of it is broken up? Hackers don't want you doing that, because the more screens you navigate through, the more your red flags go up. They want to be able to nab you at one screen and get everything in one fell swoop.

You're still "safe" at this point, because you haven't hit that "Next" button to send it. Of course, I would advise not even getting to this point, because it was a scam from the e-mail for the reasons I pointed out. Once next IS pressed, though, your information is sent to the hackers and you are sent here:

So wait...you mean to tell me that the login I put in that let me in earlier is all of a sudden invalid?! Notice everything about the login page has changed. All the signs I told you to look for in an authentic Paypal site are suddenly here (except the language). Hackers will often do this. After they get your information, they will throw you to the wayside. They have your information now and could care less where you go from here. The fact that buttons, unlike links, never tell you exactly WHERE you're going is usually how these screen navigations can go on without being detected. However, if you follow these tips, you should be able to avoid being a victim. Paypal is not the only victim of this attack. Sites like Ebay, Blackplanet, Myspace, and Facebook have also been targets. Just keep your wits about yourself. Also, if you suspect a site, call them. If you don't trust a weblink, they'd offer to work it out over the phone. I hope this helps to save somebody from being an identity theft victim.

-B

Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car

2007-06-27T17:41:00.001-04:00

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Guess who just got themselves a blessing! Thank you to all the prayer warriors who stuck with me and prayed on my behalf with this. I got a great deal on it, and I couldn't be happier with the purchase. God truly IS good.

-B

My Computer

2007-06-25T18:17:00.000-04:00

You know what? I wanna know something. I wanna know what sites people frequent. I think it's always interesting seeing how people are manipulating the Internet. Of course, people are gonna wonder where I go. Let's go:

Of course, this is not an all-inclusive list, but it gives you a good idea of where I'm going with this.

-B

War (What Is It Good For)

2007-06-25T16:41:00.000-04:00

Well, it's about that time. As I indicated, I am looking into a new car purchase. To end the speculation, my target is:

2007 Toyota Camry LE

For the past 2 months, I have been doing research on the vehicle, how to buy, how to haggle, what to present at the dealership, what the scams are, where to get financing, etc. Well, today's the day. I've got it all done, so now, it's a matter of hacking out price. Time to peddle these dealerships for the lowest OTD (out-the-door) number. I will blog abotu my car buying tips when I have the vehicle. As for now...

LET THE BIDDING WAR BEGIN!!!!

-B

Is It A Crime

2007-06-23T13:38:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm about to get myself in trouble with some people, but I don't care. There are people committing crimes, and are getting away with it scott free. This undercut of society needs to be attacked and stopped. The crime? Contributory Negligence. This selfish crime is being carelessly committed, and innocent victims are being punished by it. THIS, my friends, needs to stop like yesterday.

Before I continue, no, it's not the kind of contributory negligence you see in court and on the news all the time. This is a contributory negligence of a different light. Let's look at what the crime is classified as:

Contributory negligence is a common law defence to a claim based on negligence, an action in tort. It applies to cases where plaintiffs have, through their own negligence, contributed to cause the damages they incurred as a result of defendants' negligence.

I am speaking on this horrendous act in the sense that one person is both plaintiff and defendent. The act in which one person is at the precipice of bringing down all they know and love. An act of fear, an act of cowardice. It is the repetitive pattern in which people find themselves in a position to investigate relational prospects, don't look into them, then complain about being lonely.

Prime time to dig someone, and they do nothing. Nobody's trying to get them to get married or commit. They just want the opportunity to get to know them. They won't give those invitations the time of day, but are constantly in the field, playing up the 'woe is me' act, because they feel they are good people that nobody wants to be with.

Before I get hit with the "it's hard out there" defense, let me post this clip of lyrics a song called "Up Against the Wind" by Lori Perri. Those who have seen the movie Set It Off, this is the song during the montage at the end.

Day after day, seems like I push against the clouds
They just keep blocking out the sun
It seems since I was born
I've wakened every blessed morning
Down on my luck and up against the wind

*hands everyone a tissue* Now, back to the adventure. How hard is it when people are approaching you, wanting to know you, giving you numbers, bringing out all the positives in an opportunity to get a foot in the door to know you intimately? Any insecurities based on fear of rejection are out the door, and all the hard work is being done for you. If your laziness or fear of whatever else is prohibiting you from doing anything else, how can you expect sympathy from others? That's like me having 5 companies inviting me for a second interview, not going to any of them, then complaining about not having a job. Who the hell do I expect to feel sorry for me?

Relationships are funny. They come with no instruction manual, and they are scary. There are many people who fear relationships for one reason or another. If that is the case, fine. People are more willing to believe this. However, don't complain about being lonely because of it. There comes a time when you gotta shit or get off the pot. Fear will continue to be a fear until you face it and conquer it. Mind over matter, pimpin'. If you're going to speak as though people are neglecting you if you are they main reason they "are". There's a saying in my hometown: "Boot Up or Shut Up". Contribute to THAT.

-B

Baby

2007-06-23T00:25:00.000-04:00

I just came back from seeing the new comedy "Knocked Up", and I must say that it was a wonderful movie. I saw this, because the same people who were involved in the making of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" made this. It's all about this slacker who has a drunken one-night stand and gets the woman pregnant.

It really strikes a cord with people that have not had children. The responsibilities and the way that life changes IMMEDIATELY is an epiphany. I'm not going to go off into another "father" rant, but I just had to come in and speak that little bit on it.

I strongly suggest everybody see this movie (how the hell is this a valid movie review?!). Thank me later.

-Brandon

You Can't Change That

2007-06-20T02:55:00.000-04:00

Superman and Lois Lane
Of all the superhero attractions, there's always something about this one.Oh, ya just gotta luv that. Oh, back in the days with Clark and Lois. Good times, good times...

-B

Class-sick

2007-06-19T23:41:00.000-04:00

Miss Fat Booty
by Mos Def

Verse 1:

Yo, in she came with the same type game
The type of girl givin out the fake cell phone and name
Big fame, she like cats with big thangs
Jewels chip, money clip, phone flip, the six range
I seen her on the ave, spotted her more than once
Ass so fat that you could see it from the front
She spot me like paparazzi; shot me a glance
In that catwoman stance with them fat booty pants, Hot damn!
What's your name love, where you came from?
Neck and wrist blazed up, very little make-up
The swims at the Reebok gym tone your frame up
Is sugar and spice the only thing that you made of?
I tried to play it low key but couldn't keep it down
Asked her to dance she was like "Yo, I'm leavin now"
An hour later, sounds from Jamaica
She sippin Crys straight up, shakin, windin her waist up
Scene two: my fam throwin the jam
Fahreed is on the stand big things is in the plan
The brother Big Mu makes space for me to move in
I hear "yo, this my man Mos, baby let me introduce"; I turn around
Say word! You was the same pretty bird who I had priorly observed
Tryin to play me for the herb (Yeah, that's her)
Shocked as hell she couldn't get it together
I just played along and pretended I never met her
"How you feelin?" "Oh I'm fine." "My name is Mos." "I'm Sharice.
I heard so much good about you it's nice to finally meet."
We moved to the booth reserved for crew especially
And honey love ended up sittin directly next to me
I'm type polite but now I'm lookin at her skeptically
Cause baby girl got all the right weaponry
Designer fabric, shoes, and accessories
Chinky eyes, sweet voice is fucking with me mentally
We conversated, made a laugh, yeah you know me bro
Even though I know the steelo, she wild sweet yo
I'm bout to merc, I say peace to the family
She hop up like "How you gonna leave before you dance with me?"

Verse 2:

"Yo, let me apologize for the other night
I know it wasn't right, but baby you know what its like
Some brothers don't be comin right"
"I understand, I'm feelin you
Beside, 'can I have a dance?' ain't really that original"
We laughed about it, traced her arms across my shoulder blades
They playing Lovers' Rock, I got the folded fingers on her waist
Heatin' my butt up like the Arizona summer
Song finished then she whisper 'honey, let's exchange numbers'
Scene three: weeks of datin', late night conversation
In the crib, heart racin', tryin to be cool and patient
She touched on my eyelid, the room fell silent
She walked away smilin' singing Gregory Issacs
Like 'if I don't, if I don't have you'
Showin me her tan line and her tattoo
Playin Sade "Sweetest Taboo"
Burnin candles, all my other plans got cancelled
Man I smashed it like an Idaho potato
She call my at my J.O., 'come now', I can't say no
Ginseng tree trunks, rockin the p-funk
Cocking her knees up, champion lover not ease up
Three months, she call 'I feel I'm runnin a fever'
Six months, I'm tellin her I desperately need her
Nine months, flu-like symptoms when shorty not around
I need more than to knock it down I'm really tryin to lock it down
Midnight we hook up and go at it
Burn a stogger, let her know, sweetheart I got to have it
She tellin me commitment is somethin she can't manage
Wake up the next morning, she gone like it was magic
Ahh damnit! My shit is all Harrison Ford frantic
My 911's unanswered by my fly Taurus enchantress
Next week, Mu hit me up, I saw Sharice at the Kitty Club
With some banging ass Asian playin lay it down and lick me up
What!?

EXCELLENT STORY that hits right where it hurts. Man, this was and always will be my song. MIGHTY MOS!!!

-B

Pussy Control

2007-06-19T23:17:00.000-04:00

vagina noun: a woman's sexual/reproductive organ; the passage from the outer sexual organ to the womb

Okay, where do I begin with this...Let's see. The vagina is beautiful, yes. The people who possess them are beautiful as well. Without it, I nor any other organism would exist. It is a vital piece of life and I'm glad to have it here.

HOWEVER, I do NOT understand the fascination with it. Some of the lengths people will go to for a piece of vagina, coochie, whatever. Tiny stuff triggers this almost hypnotic trance over people to the point that they do things they never thought they would do. EVERY human male has been run into the ground over it at some point in their life (well, excluding liars, of course).

A vagina can make a man a pimp or a wimp, and I believe that it emits some kind of pheromone all its own. I've seen guys' whole demeanor change because a woman comes around, whether he has sexual upheavals about her or not. Presidents have been demoralized and deacons have been weakened over it. WARS were started in ancient Europe over their women. A journalist friend of mine has "Looking for the WATERMELON man" as her status message on Yahoo, linking to her web-izine. I can only imagine the people that will not walk, but RUN to her site, tongues on the ground.

A vagina even turned Beautiful into Colorful. The dead have been risen (figuratively), and people have come back into positions they shouldn't have. Vaginas fuel the music and club industries. For porn, for profit, for preaching, for principle, for peace, for permission, vaginas seem to be the root of it all. There's this cute little mathematical diagram that shows how girls are evil. They aren't evil. They just have vaginas, that's all.

Iit's really intriguing. I said all that to say that it's just perplexing. WHAT IS IT ABOUT AN INTERNAL ORGAN THAT CAN STIR UP ALL THIS CONTROVERSY?! Damn, son. Somebody tell me, please.

-B

A Letter

2007-06-19T22:53:00.000-04:00

Dear blog readers,

I know some of you may be a bit perplexed about where I've been and what I've been doing. Weeks go by between blog posts and when I do blog, it may be about something tiny and insignificant, only to have me disappear on you again. The following key items have happened and I have not blogged about them:

Mr. Wizard died.
Michael Moore is releasing another documentary on the American health care system, called "SiCKO".
Kenny's Key West closed its doors.
Kenny plans to open another club in Orleans Parish, out of reach of the darkie-hating Sheriff of Jefferson Parish.
I have been stockpiling to start my own mobile DJ'ing enterprise.
I am in the process of looking at purchasing a new vehicle.
I've gotten back to reading books.
My poetic pimp hand has been coming down, but I've been leaving you all out.
Nearly everything and everyone in my life has come under re-evaluation.

Now, I know that the Brandon you know would have RUN to the blog to write all this down, and your mind is watering to think about what I would have written about these things. Oh, believe me, I've left work many aday with the thought "this would make a killer blog", but for some reason, I don't do it. A lot of people throw the word "busy" at me. My phone is ringing We Are One right now, but I'm tied into writing this blog. It's almost as if I owe you all this much.

With everything that has gone down, there have been times when I think that this blog should go down, too. Sometimes, I think "why have a blog if you're not going to put anything into it". I often look upon what my last blog will be when the eventual day comes when I will indeed stop posting here. Larry King once said "Nothing lasts forever," and it's true. Of course, he's not the only person to say this, but everytime I think of that phrase, his huge head pops into my head, uttering that phrase to Ray Romano.

It makes ME wonder myself sometimes. Why the hell should I continue to do this? Ugh, I wanna pitch this phone across the room. I wonder what my life would be like if I just didn't use it for a week. I forgot what I was about to say.... Hmmmm, oh yea. I sometimes feel an obligation to blog, even though my situation now is NOTHING like it was when I started the blog. I have nowhere near the amount of free time I used to, and let's face it: there's certain stuff that I just can't blog about. I'm aware of my primary audience demographic, and I am sympathetic to that audience.

My audience is why I keep this blog open. I enjoy the conversations they spark and being a voice of difference and intelligence. Sure, I go off the deep end from time to time, but I think that's part of the fun. Sure, I have no hair, but even IT has to come down sometime. I'm here listening to "Walking in the Rain With the One I Love", and it's just doing something to me. Listening to the plucked piano patterns and knowing the beat I'm gonna make out of it (Look What I Made For You, Too) and how calming it's making me feel. Thinking of you who will read this and smiling inside. Thank you readers for bringing me here to you. I hope will continue to enjoy where this blog goes.

-B

You See the Trouble With Me

2007-06-19T22:33:00.001-04:00

I got a problem. I, as many people in society, want to see the best in all people and their many situations. I mean, who doesn't want to not only have the feeling of knowing that you've helped someone, but to actually HELP THEM, period. I don't feel that I am meddling, because a lot of times, it's a thing of them presenting the opinions and issues. I seem to have this inane belief that if you want to present an issue to someone, you are open to discuss it with them. If something were an editorial, then it could either be stated as such or present some indicator. I know this sounds grossly offensive in some cases, but it's a mind puzzler with some people, regarding their tones and WHAT they actually want.

Believe it or not, that's not the problem. The problem comes in when you are wondering exactly what the hell to do when your efforts to help turn you into one of the bad guys. I think that just like the people who present the problems may come in different states, the people who are there to "offer advice" may also be in different moods. I wake up sometimes, I feel like being preachy. Sometimes, I get phone calls, I feel like being preachy. People bring situations and scenarios to me that strike certain chords with me that lead me to want to talk about them. Is it a crime to want to possess an opinion as well?

The other party may not always see it that way, though. Your "opinion" may come off as being brash and boastful, though totally unintentional. You come off as being unsympathetic to their needs and more about yourself. I just spoke to someone about a particular situation, and because of me wanting to level with her, I was doing exactly what she was speaking out against. Needless to say, this lead to a ton of tension, and I just wanted nothing to do with the situation. She was left unfulfilled, and nothing was accomplished with the "talk".

Then again, where do the shrinks go? Who do they talk to? Who do they confide in?Nothing irritates me more than speaking to someone and helping them through a situation, only to have them clam up and feel unqualified to help me when I want to bring a grievance to their doorstep. Where is "being each other's crutch"? Why can't we SHARE a grievance and arrive to a solution TOGETHER?! Why does it have to be about THEM all the time? Even Dr. Melfi had a psychiatrist (a nod to The Sopranos fans). It almost HURTS to know that there are people unwilling to reciprocate a shoulder. It really sucks.

-B

Father

2007-06-17T10:55:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there. This is your day to be celebrated, and I hope that the family in your life is showing you how important you are and how you're appreciated. *tips champagne glass* Cheers...

-B

It's Over Now

2007-06-04T23:07:00.000-04:00

I'm done with Kenny's Key West. There was ANOTHER shooting incident out in the parking lot this past Saturday WHILE I WAS THERE. DJ'ing and seeing people shake their ass to my music is not wirth risking my life. So, I'm done. I would like to thank everyone at Kenny's for all they have given me for the past 2 years. Too many to name, but just some:

[ul]
[li] DJ Hexx
[li] DJ G-Money
[li] DJ Slab-1
[li] DJ Silver
[li] Caponne
[li] Monster
[li] Beautiful
[li] Lee
[li] Ivy
[li] Leon
[li] DJ L.A.
[li] Mr. Kenneth Vincent
[/ul]

Thanks for the memories and the good times, but we must now end our relationship. Fare thee well.

-B

Impeach the President

2007-05-30T17:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm sure I'm not the only one who believes that George Bush has not been right for America. Here's a guy who has pretty much sucked at life, yet has risen to the point of most powerful man on Earth. I guess in his own words, "access is power". He is proof that money and powerful contacts can pay off for you.

From the 9/11 tragedy to the Iraq fiasco to fumbling the Katrina recovery to being on rocky ground with South Korea, these last 7 years have been a real political debacle. I mean, we still don't have Osama bin Laden, despite having control of most of Iraq's oil, gas prices are still high, the energy policy is shot to hell, and most foreign powers have grown even more of a distaste for the US. This sucks.

Good news, though, is that his problems have not only increased my interest in politics, but he's also on his way out soon. Also, it seems as though the Republicans are gonna catch hell over this, so it'll be interesting to see how that plays when the next Congressional election comes along. Only time will tell.

-B

Make It Rain

2007-05-21T17:08:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I'm at Kenny's Saturday night (I stayed there all night!), and something happened that just blew my mind.

I'm in the DJ booth, coolin' and kickin' it. We're playing the booty-bouncing bounce music that New Orleans is known for playing and enjoying, so it's business as usual. I notice that there is a group of young ladies that are dancing rather relaxed to the music (and happen to be right next to the DJ booth), so I begin to make my way over there as DJ Hexx takes back over the music control. I'm checking out the dancers and reading the crowd when I notice that these provocative Category 5's are drawing their OWN crowd. I notice that these guys are coming on to these women in a VERY invasive and sexual manner (putting hands in places they shouldn't be), so I keep myself distanced.

We get to a song called "Hands on the Ground", and this one guy walks up to one of the main performers. He has a stack of ones in his hand, so I'm thinking this will be interesting. I stand there and watch this guy throw up one after one after one in the air, causing a phenomenon known as "making it rain", in which high rollers throw paper currency in the air to cause the money to "rain" on strippers.

I watch this money fall, and expecting a mad scramble to happen for the "rain drops", I keep my position. After about 25 ones, the baller takes his swagger away from the scene. My eyes hit the ground at all the money lying there. I look at the woman, who is STILL very much dancing at this point. She isn't doing anything about the money (a couple of which fell on her back and stayed there) and neither are her friends. My eyes hit the ground again. Thinking it's just a matter of time before she stops dancing to pick up the money, I again do nothing, but my eyes never leave the ground.

Then, after about 15 secs. of nobody going for it, I say screw it and slide myself down the wall next to her and begin to scoop up the money. After I begin to grab, some of the young lady's friends notice the money and grab the money for her. After all was said and done, I copped 9 ones.

I know it's not a big deal, but hell, gas is 3 dollars a gallon. I need assistance. That guy's lavish antics paid for my gas trip to and from Kenny's. Gentleman, I salute you.

-B

Too Much, Too Little, Too Late

2007-05-14T20:23:00.000-04:00

WARNING: SPOILERS CONTAINED WITHIN!!!

Okay, for those who cared enough to keep up with the VH-1 circus that was I Love New York, you know that she ended up picking this dude named Tango. When he was picked, he even took a knee and gave her a "promise ring" and the whole nine. Everything seemed wonderful and fine until the reunion show. There, Tango revealed to New York and the viewing public that he did not like some of the comments New York and her mother made about Tango's mom and some of his characteristics. This led to him blowing her off and walking off stage in what had obviously been a build up of emotion. New York and Tango cursed at each other in a flurry of network censored bleeps as he left the set. Boo hoo, wah wah, we were only worried for a second. Why? Cuz though she pledged she would only do this once, there is indeed an I Love New York 2 in the works. I guess media whores just can't get enough of that bug...

The arguement is not my problem. My problem was with one of the things that New York said during the televised breakup. She said something to the effect of "Fuck you with your two-inch muthafuckin' dick" and proceeded to make the "little penis" hand guesture. THIS. THIS is where my problem lies.

The problem is that this is not only an issue that has plagued Miss Tiffany Pollard. Females of all makes, models, and cultures find themselves victim of being with someone who they feel is sexually inadequate, yet nothing is mentioned about it until a breakup. These people seem to be perfectly willing to live with their subpar body parts or performance for as long as their relationship will allow. In the breakup arguement and the post-relationship slander, though, it's almost as if these lovebirds switch faces, as their private exploits become smear campaigns, their shortcomings (so to speak) being the paramount conversation pieces.

What is it about a person where they can allow themselves to be consistently involved with a person who is not up to their standards for what could be YEARS and willingly go along with it? Why not just stop from time 1 and not start what could be a detrimental streak by not being involved there? Is it actually about being dissatisfied with that person or are you acting out of being hurt? Does desperation lead to boasts of a hyperbolic nature?

Just me, but it seems that making such claims makes that woman look like more of a doofus that the slandered man. It seems to send a message that she is willing to put up with whatever while in a relationship, whether she likes it or not. Maybe they should think twice about the 4 fingers that are pointing to themselves while they are pointing a finger at him. Things that make you go "hmmmmm..."

-B

Please, Mr. Postman

2007-05-14T20:22:00.001-04:00

Just reminding everyone that postage has gone up AGAIN to 41 cents per stamp. So, don't forget to stock up on your 2 cent stamps!

-B

Mama

2007-05-13T10:01:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers. I hope that you all enjoy your day today and to all the children, take today and let your mother know that she is appreciated. Everybody be safe!

-B

Turn the Beat Around

2007-04-29T12:26:00.000-04:00

I haven't been able to appreciate the genius of this movie until recently. I've watched this movie everyday for the last week and a half. It's been a BIG inspiration with me and making my music. I think it's because the main character DJay is just like me: homemade studio, making music from scratch, wanting to be heard, using a little to create a lot, and the whole DJ thing (it's D-JAY, mayne!!). I strongly encourage anyone who hasn't seen this movie to give it a lookover. The subtleties and the feeling that the characters have for the craft that they are working in will touch you, whether you are a musician or not. I will end this blog with my favorite quote from the movie.

"Everybody has the right....the Goddamn RIGHT....to contribute a VERSE!"

-B

Straighten Up and Fly Right

2007-04-29T11:58:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems as though hip-hop is trying to get its act together, and I'm guessing in light of certain language incidents that have happened, they are trying to get cleaned up. Russell Simmons is talking about banning the use of the words 'nigga' and 'bitch' from the hip-hop lexicon. Artists like Chamillionaire are talking about not cursing at ALL on their music. Seems like hip-hop wants to be straight-laced and wants to get on moral high ground.

The thing about it is that I don't know HOW to feel about this news. Of course, you all KNOW where I stand on the use of the 'n' word, so you KNOW I'm elated at that part. Eliminating cursing altogether is a whole 'nother animal, though. I remember when the Hip-Hop Summit came to New Orleans in the summer of '04. King Simmons himself said something to the effect of "hip-hop is a music of poor people and their voice. They come from a more intense and rugged energy, and they are expressing their frustrations about the world around them." I definitely agree with this, and with that hard and intense energy, it's not always possible to keep the music squeaky clean. I believe that cursing is an instrument of high energy expression.

Of course, I don't advocate CHILDREN using rampid curse words, which, I guess, is the "hypocrisy" of the thing. Then again, doesn't society have safeguards to try to keep children away from these words? Parental advisory stickers, movie ratings, TV ratings, exclusion of club admittance, all of these are things to keep children away from things that society deems unacceptable. Then again, I don't have kids, so again, maybe I'm presenting an over-simplified solution.

In the end, I guess I'm partial to the elimination of certain words that may offend target groups of people. Maybe because I am a curser myself, I know what it is to curse and the whole 9. So I guess out with 'n' and 'b' and ok with everything else. Can't adults have a way to talk to other adults? Even if we eliminate it from rap, what about parents who curse around their kids? What safeguards do we put in that situation? I guess we'll see how this all pans out. Should be an interesting ride.

-B

Joy

2007-04-23T19:57:00.000-04:00

Joy
by Teddy Pendergrass

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

Lady, can't you see just how much you mean to me
Get a thrill each time I'm near you
I get such a rush, I crave to feel your tender touch
Magic moment paradise, oh, baby

Life is too damn short to let you get up in
I'm here to say I need your love, oh, baby
There's no greater pleasure than you give to me
Here me, baby, I want you to know

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

Darling, don't you know, my heart longs to hold you do
Passion burns inside my mind
You're my fantasy, no other love can set me free
I'm glad to know that you're all mine, mine

Sailing through the night, I'll find the certain pleasures
A million stars feel like the moon, so full of love
Nothin' takes the place of romance since you came
All you need is you and me, baby

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

It's a joy
Joy to be
I wanna be near you
I want you here with me

It's a joy
Joy to be
To be near you
I-I want you here with me

It's a joy, oh, baby
Joy to be
To be near you
I want you here with me

We're meant to be and I know we can win
Times I feel like a kid on a Ferris wheel
You make my world go 'round and around
So much to live for and I'm livin' it now

Joy
Joy
Joy

James would say, "Uh"
Ooh
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Tell me what you like
Mmm, mmm...mmm
Mmm

Ah, baby
Tell me what you like
{Tell me what you like} Mmm
{I wanna be near you} Mmm, mmm
{So I can feel you} Mmm...hmm...
{Tell me what you like} Oh...
Come let me hold you, come let me squeeze you

Joy
Joy to be
Come let me kiss you
Oh, 'cause I miss you

{It's Joy} Joy
{Joy to be}
Oh, let me squeeze you
Oh, let me tease you

Joy
Joy to be, yeah
Have you, baby

Such a joy
Oh, joy
Oh, joy
Glad you're with me

Oh, joy
Oh, joy
Oh, yeah
Warm my heart, my soul, my everything, I love you, baby

It's a joy, oh, babe
Joy to be
To be near you
Want you here with me

It's a joy, oh, joy
Joy to be, oh joy
To be near you
Want you here with me

It's a joy
Joy to be

I ain't gotta say nothin'....you already know.

-B

Memorandum

2007-04-18T20:42:00.000-04:00

We will never forget. God bless the dead.

-B

Goodbye

2007-04-14T20:36:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I guess you all know about Don "Nappy Headed Ho's" Imus and his comments and the backlash that has happened since then. I'm sure some of you wonder if I have something to say about it. I sure do...

Dude's comments are the epitome of asshole. If you listen to the context of the comment, you will hear one of his sidekicks use the term "ho's" BEFORE he does. This tells you that he HAD TIME to think about it or object to it. Did he? Naaaaaahhh. He went ahead with the attack anyway. Also, to add insult to injury, he included a culture-oriented insulting adjective "nappy headed". I say screw this guy (in more vulgar terms).

I think that his firing was appropriate. However, me being a detractor of the shock-jock industry, I guess my opinion is somewhat biased. However, I believe the true motivation of his firing will never be known. Word around the campfire is that he got fired because all his sponsors pulled out, leaving his show no money to be made. If you know that and you know that all network execs put shows on the air TO make money, you would see his firing as a forced issue. The head layer, though, is that he was fired because of his insensitive remarks. Not knowing the REAL thing, though, is that you never know what the deal is. Whether PR move or not, I'm glad he's off. I haven't been a long-time opponent or hater of his, but I support getting his ass off the air.

I think the opponents of a negative backlash should jump in a lake. All this "rappers use the word with no backlash" is hogwash. What these same people DON'T tell you is that 85% of rap music is purchased by white teenagers. Not to say all white teens are racist, but if you're gonna make a claim, FOLLOW THROUGH with it. The studios and music channels look at ratings. As long as people are tuning in and there is ad revenue to be generated, they will continue to show it. Who the hell cares, anyway? Even if rappers say it, does that give you clearance to say it? People have been having the 'N word" debate for decades. I also reference the "if everybody jumped off the bridge, woudl you" cliche'. Screw that.

Point being, dude was rightfully removed from the station. Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta get ready to go to Kenny's.

-B

Free At Last

2007-04-09T22:57:00.000-04:00

Fists clenched, body doubled over
Eyes closed tightly, head shaking
Shoulders dipping to a rhythm
Torso writhing to its own beat
Head coming up to expose rigid lips
Speaking words of heartfelt bliss
Fists releasing; becoming animated
Hands helping to tell the story
Orchestrating the body to follow
The head slowly makes its descent
As tears slowly drip from the eyes
Voice becoming strained and halted
Then, there is silence all around
Body slowly becoming totally erect
The blind dripping eyes opening up
The body bends back as the show ends
Mouth uttering its very last melody
Body straightens out, totally still
The ears take in a repetitive sound
The eyes peering through an audience
Seeking a certain, familiar visage
And upon spotting this face out there
Eyes crying tears of pure emotions
The hands move to point towards it
Mouth uttering an esoteric pleasantry
The mouth on that face reciprocates
Because I just sang a song for you
A beautiful love song before a crowd
Because you mean that much to me
And the world deserves to know it

-B

Moments in Love

2007-04-08T13:33:00.000-04:00

Y'all, I'm havin' a moment. Some poetry will probably surface. Be on the lookout.

...Happy Easter, by the way.

-B

Lovers and Friends

2007-04-06T10:16:00.000-04:00

The 10 Real Reasons Why Geeks Make Better Lovers
04.06.07 | 2:00 AM
Editor's note: Some links in this story lead to adult material and are not suitable for viewing at work. All links of this nature will be noted with "NSFW" after them.

I've read recently that geeks make better lovers because they are so unaccustomed to romance that they will do anything for their mates. Also because geeks don't have the social skills to cheat (wanna bet?).

Yeah, ha ha, let's chuckle at the stereotypes. Might as well add that geeks won't waste valuable relationship time watching football. Or that geeks are clueless and fashion-impaired and have the social skills of a bowl of fruit.

But you know what? Humorous Top-10 lists aside, geeks really do make the best lovers, for reasons that have nothing to do with adolescent ostracism or puppy-like devotion.

Geeks build it so you will come

Second Life's SexGen animation system, Red Light Center's (NSFW) beautiful sex animations and open-source teledildonics did not simply coalesce out of the mists during a marketing department meeting.

These projects require strong technical know-how along with an open-minded approach to sexual variation. After all, you can't build sex-tech that serves only your own preferences if you expect others to use it. Especially if you want them to buy it.

That geeks have the passion to commit their technical skills to expanding sexual options for everyone is evidence enough of their enthusiasm and dedication as lovers.

Geeks get personal with tech

All engineers may be geeks, but not all geeks are engineers. Doesn't matter. You don't need to know how to build a platform in order to do a half-gainer in full pike with a twist into the river of love.

A geek is more likely to figure out how to customize toys and to design arousing environments for your avatars to play in than a non-geek. And that experience translates into a greater sensitivity to atmosphere and mood during sex -- beyond lighting a candle.

Don't be surprised if your geek lover puts more thought into arranging the boudoir than you do, or if common household items ("pervertibles") soon take on a new dimension. More than one geek has told me that Home Depot is their favorite adult store.

Geeks dig consensual role playing

Geek lovers combine a well-developed and oft-exercised erotic imagination with their physical technique. It isn't a big leap from "I'm a level-13 thief, evil-aligned" to "I'm the prison warden and you're the new detainee." Scientists and therapists alike claim that the brain is the most critical sexual organ; a geek's familiarity with fantasy arouses your mind even as the handcuffs -- or the bag of loot -- bring your body to attention.

Geeks interact

A technophobe mostly talks to you in person, but a geek is happy to be with you by texting your phone, flirting with you in a chat room, Skyping you, Twittering just in case you're on your vibrating couch (NSFW), sending funny cell-phone snapshots to your e-mail, playing online games, commenting on your blog, Digging articles that interest you, seducing you by instant message….

Geeks get things done

Geeks know all the shortcuts. They research your interests, send you surprise gifts, plan your perfect vacation, get the bills and grocery shopping out of the way, write to their mothers, and tease you mercilessly, all while pretending to work. And when you ask them to set up your home Wi-Fi or install a home theater, it's done quickly, expertly and without complaint.

In other words, geeks know how to get everything else out of the way so there's more time for lovemaking.

Geeks are hot …

… and wear the coolest glasses.

Geeks don't shock easily

Geeks have seen all the porn you can imagine and then some, priming them to be open to your sexual peccadilloes. They are not only less likely to be shocked by your exotic requests -- they might not even realize that other people think your turn-ons are exotic.

Conversely, your geek lover might be relieved that your wildest fantasy involves only two other people, five utensils and a trapeze.

Geeks know kinky people

Geeks haven't just seen a variety of positions, kinks and fetishes in blue movies. They know (or are) people who enjoy those things, so they don't dismiss entire categories of sexual interests as the sole province of a bunch of weirdos in San Francisco.

It's hard to sustain prejudice and bias against an abstract group when you develop relationships with individuals and discover they're just like you. It doesn't matter if they dress up like ponies, or refuse to conform to a societal idea of gender norms, or eat pancakes for dinner. Geek lovers know better than to try to impose their sexual preferences or standards on others -- including your friends -- and are more likely to love and let love.

Geeks understand multi-dimensional relationships

Geeks connect with their online buddies in several guises, often getting to know the person behind the avatar as friendships deepen and move from adult communities to personal IM.

A geek can flow seamlessly between conversation about a friend's partner and kids in one window and an elaborate group sex scene in another, without feeling any discontinuity between the personas. Even if the friend is a 43-year-old father of two in IM, and a 22-year-old dominatrix in the group.

With all that going on, a geek has no problem accepting that sometimes you want mocha ripple cherry fudge chunk swirl with almonds and a waffle and sometimes you want vanilla lite.

Geeks aren't threatened by new tech or "the future of sex"

Geeks have read the science fiction. They know the dire predictions of a world in which the sticky press of flesh is replaced by neural nets and sex robots that also do housework (or is that house robots that also do sex work?).

Geeks have imagined more sexual dystopias than the average person and are the first to see the technological developments that could lead us down dark paths. Which only makes sense, considering who develops those technologies in the first place.

At the same time, geeks know better than anyone that something always goes wrong when you lean on machines for your social fulfillment. A geek doesn't mind if you bring home the iiErotoTrix 5000 v3 -- as long as you share it.

Literacy and the printing press did not replace sex; neither did photography, automobiles, video, online porn or 3-D escort services. Geek lovers spend enough time with technology to appreciate the unique wondrousness of human touch.

GEEK SQUAD UP!!!
-B

Bounce to the Ounce

2007-04-05T19:23:00.000-04:00

Ice Grill - Young Man, Old Soul
Volume 1

Intro
Jackie Neal - Down in the Club
The Gap Band - Outstanding
Betty Wright - No Pain, No Gain
Al Green - Let’s Stay Together
Atlantic Starr - Secret Lovers
The Isley Brothers - Between the Sheets
R. Kelly - Happy People
Patti LaBelle - Love Don’t Live Here Anymore
Anita Baker - No One in the World
Natalie Cole - Sophisticated Lady
Mel Waiters - Smaller the Club, The Bigger the Party
Stevie Wonder - Knocks Me Off My Feet
Dionne Farris - Hopeless
Sounds of Blackness - Optimistic
Frankie Beverly and Maze - Before I Let Go
Babyface and Pebbles - Love Makes Things Happen
Teddy Pendergrass - You’re My Latest, Greatest Inspiration
The Commodores - Nightshift
Frankie Beverly and Maze - We Are One 2007*

* = Bonus Track

$10

Get it in your life.

-B

More Than I Can Stand

2007-04-04T18:30:00.000-04:00

Dateline is at it again. This time, they are after scammers in two different shows, "To Catch An I.D. Thief" and "To Catch A Con Man". The first is just as the name implies: Dateline's Chris Hansen, the "Jack Bauer of journalism", goes after identity thieves who steal law-abiding citizen's banking information to rip them off at unbelievable levels. On the latter, Chris is back again to expose some of the people behind those African schemes, where they state that they need your help to free a whopping amount of money from a bank. Then, you get roped into being required to give the crooks various amounts of REAL money out of these victims. It's amazing how often REAL people fall for this scam, even after being warned repeatedly by various media outlets. As a community service, I will offer my analysis on why you should not believe these scammers (here we go, another list...):

Why can't these scammers get into the account themselves?
Out of all the people in the world, why are they choosing you, someone they don't know from Adam, to get THEIR money out?
If in the initial e-mail, nothing is said about you needing to put up any money, wouldn't them switching up their story be suspicious?
If they want you to help them so bad, wouldn't they come a bit harder than an e-mail (and how did they magically get your e-mail address anyway?!)
If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

just a short list of reasons, in addition to common sense, why you should not fall for this crap. Buyer beware.

-B

Ain't That A Bitch

2007-03-31T10:50:00.000-04:00

I read this article, and I support this. Stupid ass.

ARLINGTON, Texas - Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup truck in the driveway.

Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson , thinking quickly, if not clearly , cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head.

On Thursday, a grand jury handed up a manslaughter indictment , against the wife, not the husband.

In a case likely to reinforce the state's reputation for don't-mess-with-Texas justice, the grand jury declined to charge the husband with murder, the charge on which he was arrested by police.

"If I found somebody with my wife or with my kids in my house, there's no telling what I might do," said Juan Muniz, 33, who was having lunch Friday with one of his two small children at a restaurant in the middle-class suburban Dallas neighborhood where the Robersons lived. "I probably would have done the same thing."

Tracy Roberson, 35, could get two to 20 years in prison in the slaying of Devin LaSalle, a 32-year-old UPS employee.

Assistant District Attorney Sean Colston declined to comment on specifics of the case or the grand jury proceedings but said Texas law allows a defendant to claim justification if he has "a reasonable belief that his actions are necessary, even though what they believe at the time turns out not to be true."

Mark Osler, a Baylor University law school professor and a former federal prosecutor, said the grand jurors evidently put themselves in the husband's place: "I can see one of them saying, `I would have shot the guy, too. I was just protecting my wife.'"

The December night before the shooting, Tracy Roberson sent LaSalle a text message that read in part, "Hi friend, come see me please! I need to feel your warm embrace!" according to court papers. LaSalle apparently agreed.

Darrell Roberson, a 38-year-old employee of a real estate firm, discovered the two, his wife clad in a robe and underwear.

When Tracy Roberson cried that she was being raped, LaSalle tried to drive away and her husband drew the gun he happened to be carrying and fired several shots at the truck, authorities said.

Darrell Roberson's attorney did not immediately return a call for comment.

His wife also was charged with making a false report to a police officer , for allegedly saying she was raped , and could get up to six months behind bars on that offense. It was not immediately clear whether she had a lawyer.

She had not been arrested as of Friday afternoon.

Throw her UNDER the jail! Selfishness should NOT be rewarded.

-B

Night At the Movies

2007-03-31T09:39:00.000-04:00

I can't say enough about this movie. 1988 was a highlight year. This movie has developed a cult following, and I have been a part of it since 92. The acting is horrible and the editing is horrendous, but the fighting scenes in this movie are awesome. I think this was before Van Damme went crazy and starting hitting on women, but this is classic JCVD. Knockin' gold teeth out of people's mouth, being strung to a tree, the "monkey fighter", Chong Li and his dancing pecs, the power of the reporter's vagina to inspire Dux to break the rules of the Kumite, Forrest Whittaker pre-Oscar, Frank Dux's American stereotype friend Ray Jackson, the predictable story line, the soundtrack, all of it.

I got a question, though: Frank Dux escaped the Armed Forces to fight in the Kumite in Hong Kong. Of all the people the Armed Services could have sent after him, they send 2 bumbling idiots whose only weapon of having a chance of getting him are antiquated tasers. Let's not even touch on the fact that they are way too old to be doing this and have no sense of culture. Why it seems to be this whole "black man is there, but the old white man is in charge" thing, I have no idea.

KUMITE! KUMITE!!

-B

Peddlin' Music On the Side

2007-03-31T09:32:00.000-04:00

Ice Grill - Young Man, Old Soul
Volume 1
ON SALE NOW!!!!

Because there are people who want the tracklisting to be a surprise, I will not be revealing the tracklisting for a week. I will be putting up the Paypal button soon, along with pricing information. Let's take 'em BACK like they never left!!!!

-B

War (What Is It Good For)

2007-03-31T09:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, if you've been watching the news or keeping up with the times, you know that we've officially been at war with the Iraq for 4 years. Yet Bush is still asking us to be patient and asking for more troops. In the words of Steve Harvey, "MUTHAFUCKA WHY?!" You've killed your daddy's adversary (who was NOT who we were supposed to be going in there to hunt down in the first place), you've put YOUR people in places of political control, you've got your oil, what more do you want?! How many people need to die before YOUR objective (because it SURE as hell ain't the objective of America!!) is fulfilled. Hell, it'd be easy as all get out for me to order others to put themselves in harm's way if I knew that I had no chance of going out there myself, and when I did, I knew I'd have no chance of being in harm's way. Snake fucker. Women, shave, please. No way I want bush anywhere near an area of such preciousness....okay, that joke was a tad wack and expected, but I'm PISSED. Ray Ray, tell 'em why you mad, son...

-B

Gonna Have A Funky Good Time

2007-03-31T08:41:00.000-04:00

WHOOOOOO!!! Well, as you all know, Funkfest in Baton Rouge was a week ago. Man, I gotta say. That was an interesting day. Highs, lows, and everythign in between. The gates opened at 2:00, and the concert didn't start until about 4:45 or so. I got there at about 3:00 (damn misleading Ticketmaster), and I'm glad I did. With it being in a fair ground setting and all seating just general "wherever you can find a space", getting there early helped. I was able to get a spot about 2 rows back from the "general seating area", because there was a VIP area that had barricaded closer access to the stage. It was also HOT AS THE DICKENS outside!!! I had to put a paper towel under my cap to get all the sweat (baldies sweat out the HEAD!!). The fair grounds DID allow digital cameras, but I got nervous and left it in my car. Anyway, onto the artists in the order they appeared:

Rude: Apparently, this is an old act based out of Baton Rouge that was a part of Gerald Levert's "Rude Boys" (remember Written All Over Your Face?). Well, there were two people with him, one a woman, the other a man. I gotta tell ya. These two were like those sketches that David Allen Grier and Kim Wayans did together on In Living Color as a singing duo. He was yelling all incoherently and trotting about the fairgrounds like a drum major. She was yelling something distorted into the mic that I couldn't make out, because I couldn't stop being entertained by the guy. I mean, this guy was on stage pretending to be Michael Jackson ("I swear I didn't do it!!") and passing out teddy bears and plastic roses to the women. All this while the man who was ACTUALLY SINGING was trying to move around in that black and white suit he had on (damn, it was hot outside!!) and singing his songs. I remember at one time, he even got on one of the VIP tables and started grinding and singing like a stripper. It was entertaining, but I was quite comfortable with letting them get off stage.
Midnight Star: Now, onto the promoted acts. They did a lot of jams that I didn't know they did, like Freakazoid. Of course, they did Curious and Slow Jam (that one dude can BLOW!!), which is the main reason I wanted to check for them. They even did this little group juke number to the Missy Elliott "Work It" instrumental. THAT was hot! Still, with it being early in the concert and with it being so early and that sun being out and in effect (DAMN, it was hot!!), I couldn't get into it like I wanted to.
Sounds of Success (S.O.S.) Band: I gotta tell ya, it wasn't until that day that I found out what the hell S.O.S. stood for. I just thought it was a cool name somebody came up with. ANYWAY, they came out and started rockin' it. They worked through a couple bad microphones, which were switched out promptly. They did "Just Be Good to Me", which I kept screwing up by singing "Just Be Straight With Me" (damn Silkk the Shocker!!). They played a few other jams, but I wasn't really feeling their set. Not because they weren't good (they rocked it), but because by that time, I had been sitting in the hot sun for about 4 and a half hours, and I was getting fatigued. I sat out most of their set and bobbed my head to the songs that were familiar to me.
Doug E. Fresh: My friend Starburst TOLD me how good Doug E. Fresh was in concert, but I couldn't grasp it until I actually saw him myself. Man, he ran the dang GAMBIT on that crowd. From talking about old ghetto TV's to playing TV theme songs from popular black shows from back in the day to doing his beatboxing to playing a "finish the line" game with the crowd. Doug did the damn thing. I wasn't expecting much from him, truth be told, because the only thing I remember being big from him was his song "The Show" and "La Di Da Di"(which of course, he did, minus Slick Rick). Dude was like crazy amped because he hadn't performed in Baton Rouge in 8 years, so he was going to make it up to the crowd. If that's what we've been missing, keep coming back, Doug. Also, the sun had pretty much gone DOWN by this time, so the cool of night set in, and I was comfortable again.
Frankie Beverly and Maze: FINALLY, around 9:30 or so, it was time for the act I came for. I found out that there had been a contest on the dang radio to MEET Frankie Beverly. I was pissed that I didn't know about it, but I brushed it off. I knew I'd get to see him perform We Are One, and that's what I was focused on. They came out and started doing "Laid Back Girl", and some assholes in VIP started fighting!!! Front row, in the VIP crowd. I've been in Kenny's enough to know that when a crowd of people moves in a particular direction TOO fast, there's a fight going on (security running and jumping over barricades gave it away, too). Frankie came out saying "y'all calm down" and got into the song (didn't miss a beat). He came in and got right into it. I had seen them live enough times (this was my 4th time seeing them live) and I've watched their live concert DVD's enough times to pretty much know what their set was gonna be like, so there weren't too many song surprises. I was able to guess what song We Are One came after (I Want To Feel That I'm Wanted), so I was already in position. I tend to go for broke when I see him do We Are One live. There's this breakdown he does when the "That's the way it is" part kicks in. He fits 3 of them in the same time he would do one (if you don't know what I'm talking about, buy the Live in Los Angeles CD/DVD). I love it when he does that. He did the others, all of which I knew by that point. I was sweating and getting raspy-voiced, but dammit, I was having a good time. I made some calls, sang some songs, danced, and just loving the energy. I was tired by the time Before I Let Go ended, though, so I didn't stay for their traditional encore performance of "I Wanna Thank You" (I did hear it as I was walking back to my car, though).

All in all, it was a WONDERFUL event, and I'm glad I went. From the acts to DJ Captain Charles pumpin' us up during the intermissions, it was a joyous event of African-Americans joined for a good cause. THIS is what a concert should be. THAT'S old school!!!

-B

Oh Daddy

2007-03-31T07:49:00.000-04:00

I've debated doing this blog for a while, to the point that I haven't blogged in a while (I apologize for being gone, y'all). As you all know, love inspires my work through my creative outlets. I wanna say about a week ago, I came up with an idea that inspired me to flow. I was hesitant, though, because I knew that if I did it wrong, it wouldn't work and the whole intention of the work would be lost in the severity of the topic. As I type this, I'm still a bit nervous, as I have not tackled an issue this serious before. Hey, ground was never broken by conformists, so, let's do it.

Most of the people that are very close to me have fathers that have passed away. Something just told me to speak on it. However, not being in that particular situation myself, I didn't think I could do it justice. I felt, though, that maybe it was meant for me to speak on it, so I am. I just hope those that this speaks to do not feel that I have disgraced them or their fathers in any way. I said a prayer before I wrote this and asked that God flow through me as I put these words up.

Oh Daddy

Oh daddy, there's so much to say in so little time
Every time I try to bring it up, visions of you return
The way you held me, things you said that made me smile
Your tender touch, making me paramount in your life
My head pressed against your heartbeat, I knew you well
From your many vocal tones to the smell of your cologne
Role model, confidant, friend, and my symbol of le male
You taught me the level of man I am worth having
I know what a man is and what a man should be
Never selling me short, I grew as your precious princess
You knew me better than any man ever will, we bonded
Instilling faith, respect, positivity, and sense in me
Loving you thru hating you for not letting me have my way
I always found myself in you, seeing why I am how I am
But just as I followed your orders, your Father called you
Leaving me to go home, as Earth's streetlight came on
Even though you're home, you won't get far from me
Your presence remains encapsulated in my heart
And I promise you this; your legacy will live on
Through the life and times of the child you brought here
I see you in the many wonderful things in my life
You are my vibrant colors, the sweetest drink on my lips
You are my good days, my smile, the sun in my life
You are the effervescence in my spirit, my optimism
You are my blessing and my best friend, but most of all
You are ME, when I'm up, when I'm down, when I just am
Your mark on my life will shine upon all that I see
And I love you for that, daddy, muah.

I gotta say, that although I still have my father with me, this poem made me cry. I thank these men for what they have done, and for the wonderful people they have touched. While I was never able to meet any of them, I honor them. God bless you all.

-B

Take Ya Back

2007-03-22T17:26:00.000-04:00

This sux. I had a TIGHT blog that took me about an hour to write up, only to find that there was an error when I was publishing, and of course, I can't get it back. I'm gonna keep it movin', though. You know I haven't forgotten about y'all. Luv.

-B

Spring

2007-03-21T18:09:00.000-04:00

Well, yet again, it's time for the year's most popular count-down day: the Vernal Equinox! Bye bye, winter. Hello, spring! The time of love and togetherness. I'm lookin' forward to it. Gimme the fun times in the sun!

-B

'Nuff Said

2007-03-12T17:37:00.000-04:00

-B

The Maze

2007-03-11T12:17:00.000-04:00

This may be the most in-depth poem I have written to date. It's esoteric, yes, but it gets the point across...

My Love Is..., my lovely inspiration, my magic muse, my reason
My Aphrodite of Africa, you free me to be strong like Mandela
Because of my heart, you made me a color blind travelin' man
Knowing that no matter how long the trip, time is on my side
Because I know of the silky soul that's waiting to envelope me
Ain't it strange how the Lord works? You being part of His plan
Never missing a beat, He provided what I needed right on time
I asked God to send a laid back girl, He gave me a lady of magic
A Southern girl sacred and set apart, as I would see in time
You're not the same; with you, I know that this woman is a WOMAN
Proof of what blessings can come down when you-know-what goes up
Embracing your family, you have stayed true to your roots
Throughout the changing times, you realize that love is the key
Your beams of happiness carry me through days of a demanding public
Dealing with life until the golden time of day, when it's just us
Like coming home to your open arms, screaming out "WELCOME HOME"
Happy feelings of ecstatic euphoria overtaking me all night long
Filling me, from the twilight of midnight until the morning after
Even while I'm alone, you are there with me, because we are one
I can just look into my heart and feel that you're feeling for me
And in those moments, I say a prayer for you and I wish you well
I can't get over you and the things you do, I love you too much
You showed me it's all about working together when you love someone
With you as my sun, there's no need for me to look at California
Seeing me through my times of highs and lows, my joy and pain
Times when I need you to times when I want to feel I'm wanted
Times when it's like I'm running away and full of too many games
It doesn't stop you from reachin' down inside, perfect timin'
And in your own kind of way, you bring that smile to my face
The look in your eyes and songs of love invigorate me again
And before I know it, I'm back in stride again, soul intact
You know I don't wanna lose your love to somebody else's arms
But whenever love's on the run, we just change our ways
And make it through every time, because we can't stop the love
And before I let go of this poetic loveulated joyride, I must say
You showed me that love is the key, and for that, I wanna thank you
You're always there, and I cherish you like a song for my mother
I'll never let you down; we shall always be each other's crutch
And I pray that you continue to call on me as the days go by
Keeping your permanent residence in my heart's Metropolis
And I pray that a place in my heart becomes your sanctuary
Giving you the freedom to be all that you have been to me
My heart can't stop showing the world that I wanna be with you
I want to hold you when nobody knows what you feel inside
As Frank's Rap and Dee's Song implied, we need love to live
I just want you to know that I don't wanna lose your love
Oooh, that's the way it is, that's the way it is, alright...

© Brandon Harris 2007

-B

That's Just the Way It Is

2007-03-11T11:20:00.000-04:00

What else is there to say? You know how I feel
The inner thoughts, the outer displays, the adulation
Whose heart can cease to sing when touched by an angel
Interweaving fabrics of the heart, bringing us closer
In a world of quagmire and confusion, you make sense
An inventive star, flying high in a midnight blue sky
Emitting a glow that spreads like a morning sunrise
Penetrating the souls of squires, setting pens afire
Wiritng the world's sweetest literature in your honor
Filling volumes, your sweetness blessing each work
Sweet nothings, poems, songs, novellas, and the like
Artists doing their job; you, beautiful inspiration
Their pen hits the paper, their voices hit the mic
Every word, a small stitch in an intricate tapestry
Becoming the most precious thing the world has known
And on that note, I hold up art, with this message:
Look what I made for you....

-B

Somebody's Watching Me

2007-03-08T20:08:00.000-05:00

This blog is about the Dateline phenomenon known as "To Catch A Predator". This show is all about catching online sex perverts who proposition underage girls or sex. I don't want to give it all away, but this show is mesmerizing. Seeing the types of people that actually try this, ranging from teachers to doctors to rabbis to basketball players, makes you think. It's almost like the only thing that will save people like this is prayer. You see all the people who get caught and how many of these people have SEEN THE SHOW! It makes you wonder what kind of deterrent will have a long-term effect in stopping this perverse behavior. I just would like to take this opportunity to say that I in no way condone this behavior and I am totally on the side of the law with this. On the other hand, I pray that they are saved from this sin.

-B

You Saved Me

2007-02-28T19:28:00.000-05:00

So, as I said in a previous blog, I was looked over by an angel this weekend. I don't feel like going into detail about it (just TOOO long), but I will say this. While I was driving on the highway, 3 of the lug bolts that I hold my front passenger side tire came off.In addition to that, the rim cracked. Two days later, I'm back with a new rim and new bolts. God is good, indeed.

-B

Angel

2007-02-26T06:41:00.000-05:00

I've got angels looking over me. I will go into it later (gotta get to work right now), but I just wanted to get that communicated to you all.

-B

Family

2007-02-23T14:39:00.000-05:00

Family is a wonderful thing. I got some cousins in town for the week, and I gotta tell ya, it's wonderful seeing the wonderful things that your flesh and blood come up with. Being able to bounce ideas off these people who KNOW you and can bounce off you, all the while, stimulating you the whole way. In some cases, there are BLOOD families that don't have that kind of connection. It's a beautiful thing. I think I may call them up now. Get it poppin'.

-B

Smoking

2007-02-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had my first experience at a Mediterranean restaurant. More importantly, I had my first experience around the phenomenon known as "hookah". You see, hookah is a water-pipe that comes from Egypt, by which flavored tobacco is smoked. My cousins and some of their friends went out and enjoyed the hookah establishment. I, being an adament non-smoker, declined to join in on the fun, but I DID dive into some of the Mediterranean culture. Not only did I enjoy a lamb kebab wrap (they had it listed and advertised like a sandwich), but I was able to enjoy LEBANESE TEA! Oohhhhhh, that Lebanese tea is SO good! My cousin was saying that it left an aftertaste similar to the kind that toothpaste leaves. I disagreed, but I know I had 2 subsequent refills of what I called "liquid sex" and enjoyed it all the same.

The other folks in my party were interested in the hookah, which they enjoyed for hours. There were 7 of them (again, I was the only odd man out who didn't smoke), so there were 2 hookahs set up, with an original flavor combo in each one. They were puffing and passing, laughing and chillin' easily into the early hours of the morning. I, on the other hand, became designated as the "picture man", taking pictures of my fam while they were blowing smoke. That in itself was very funny, as well as seeing some of the cafe-goers adjusting to the setting and surroundings of a Mediterranean restaurant. I will not post any of the pictures, because I am not sure if they want it posted, but just know that at the end of the night, a good time was had by all.

-B

Come Back To Me

2007-02-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

This is crazy. I got the idea for several blog ideas, but when it comes times to let it all out, I'm STUCK. This sucks.

-B

Mardi Gras Mambo

2007-02-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!

-B

Gonna Have A Funky Good Time

2007-02-18T17:42:00.000-05:00

My next conquest. Got everything but a ticket and March to be here. Ooooohhh, it's about to be a GET DOWN!!!

-B

Let's Play Dress Up

2007-02-18T17:38:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, I went to the 2007 Zulu Ball and had, well, a ball! It was a wonderful time, and I hope that all people are eventually able to experience a courted ball at one point in their life.

It also means that I was able to dress up in formal attire for the first time in a long time. I have taken pics and they will be posted in a future blog.

GOD BLESS THE ZULU!!!

-B

I Want A New Drug

2007-02-18T15:48:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that my www.youngmanoldsoul.com domain has bit the dust, leaving me in need of another domain (it's since been taken). I'm willing to entertain any reasonable suggestions for a new domain and a new link to my blog. If I DO use a suggestion as my new domain, of course that person will be recognized in a blog and given credit. It's not much of a "prize", but this ain't much of a contest, either. This should be interesting...

-B

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T20:56:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers and grouped up lovers today! I guess it's a coincidence that Valentine's Day falls on Hump Day this year, so as you're lovin' it up, make sure to LOVE IT UP! That's wassup! Enjoy!!

-B

This is Your Night

2007-02-13T22:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I will be attending the Krewe of Zulu's coronation ball this Friday. It's my first formal event in a long time, so I decided to get a tux (purchase!). I'm excited like the week of that Saints-Bears game. Of course, I will be taking pictures and letting you all in on it all. Ooooohh, it's going to be a GRAND experience! You all will see!!

-B

Danger

2007-02-13T22:01:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess everyone has been hearing about the tornadoes that hit New Orleans today. I am sending this blog to let you all know that I (and my loved ones) are doing just fine. In the words of Oliver Thomas, "we need a break!"

-B

Spoiled

2007-02-09T20:38:00.000-05:00

As of the last two weeks, I've been running on fumes. I'm just CRAZY tired, but there is SO MUCH to do, that it really makes you push forward. I gotta stop, though, man. I'm gonna run myself into an early grave if I keep on at this pace. It's said that through everything you go through, you gotta make room and time for yourself. I guess it's time I actually shut up and followed suit. HERE'S TO LIFE!!

*snoring*

-B