I am really wondering something. I read back over the club post that I made, and some of these things just don't make sense. Hopefully, by letting my side of the bewilderment and possible ignorance to the psyche of female fashion be known, maybe someone with some insight will inform me so I will be in the dark no longer.
Here's the scenario. A woman wears a VERY skimpy and provocative outfit to a club. The men, only seeing her in that outfit, proceed to grope her and feel her up. Does she have just cause to get angry without regard to culpability? All that to say, is she devoid of responsibility in inviting the unwanted attention? She will say that given her right to be out in public, she can wear whatever she wants. The men say "if you're not a ho, stop wearing a ho's uniform."
Is she within her God-given right to deck the men if she so desires? Without question. Is it improper to go off on them? No way. I, in no way, am disputing that. Under no circumstances should a man (or woman) familiarly provide unwanted attention to ANYONE. My beef is this: should there hit a point where you should be responsible for your actions? Should there hit a point where you should take into account the risks you take when you wear what you wear to the club? I say yes, dissenters say no.
I've heard the explanation that it's likened to going to a Krispy Kreme. You wouldn't go licking on all the donuts because they look good. This statement in and of itself is true. It ruins the concept of the business for someone to break the law by doing such. On the other hand, you are at Krispy Kreme where you are only allowed access to the donuts after you PAY for them. The entrepreneurs are aware that the risk stands for the donuts to be consumed after the paying customers barter their hard earned money for the good, in this case donuts. If that made no sense, it shouldn't. It was a bad example, which prompted a bad defense.
I've heard the better explanation that you should be dressed comfortably and that with the club being hot inside, it makes no sense to bundle up in a coat that you'll want to take off as soon as you get in. This is the meat of the dissention that I tried factoring in. I can vouch for that. I come into the club with a jacket on, as soon as I get to the DJ booth, I'm tucking it away in a corner because it's hot. All that body movement prompts a LOT of heat, and you are paying (if it's not ladies' night) to be comfortable and have a good time. From my experiences, guys rarely do or wear things that will prompt an onslaught of unwanted sexual gropes and comments from women. Women DO have this issue to deal with. I am not saying you should dress to the point that you are uncomfortable, but is there a way to dress conservatively without "crossing the line"?
I presented the scenario of going to a job interview for the purposes of establishing people being judged by the way they look. Would you wear street clothing to a corporate job interview? No. That's one of the FIRST things career preparedness classes teach you. Dress for success. The interviewer WILL be judging you by the first sense that is stimulated. In this case, it would be your appearance (unless you have a stench that preceeds you). Before you have a chance to open your mouth, the interviewer already is sizing you up, putting you into certain human characteristic groups based on the way you look. We are forewarned of this is in school and are told to prepare for it. To this, the dissenters say "a job is work, the club is to relax and be yourself." So there is NO way you can be yourself at a job, wearing corporate attire, all the while being comfortable? Of course there are happy mediums. This is why there are clubs that have dress codes. They know that going to the club doesn't have to be a skimp-o-rama, and are taking proactive steps to prevent it.
I've also presented the scenario of wearing tons of gaudy jewelry to the store, which involved walking through a neighborhood filled with thieves. If you KNEW where you had to go thru, would you wear all your jewelry just because it's comfortable for you to do so? Also, if you do, should you be surprised if someone sticks a loaded gun in your face, demanding you fork over your rings and things? On a broad scale, males that I've observed in the club are predatorial, and will pounce on those which present themselves to be easy targets. Do the women always do extraneous things to invite the attention (such as flamboyant dancing)? Not always, but when it does happen, it makes things worse (see "The Moving Target" theory). There was an episode of Jackass where Steve-O wore a squid suit to swim in a body of water, infested with tiger sharks. Why was it on Jackass? They KNEW that the instincts of the tiger shark would be attracted to the meat that is the squid.
I've also seen and heard OTHER women "hate" on other women for dressing overly sexy. "That bitch KNOW SHE WRONG for wearing that!!" They will talk about it amongst their respective crews and they judge her based on (you guessed it) how they look. The MEN will see them in the skimpy outfits dancing to sexually pervasive songs ("she rode that dick like a soldier"), and they put two and two together and believe that she is inviting attention based on (uh huh) the way she looks. I've been told that the 3 things women look at on a man is his hair, fingernails, and his shoes. This would equate to WOMEN JUDGING MEN based on (here we go again) how they look. So, with all this physical judging going on, why do the rules magically get thrown out of the window when you choose to dress skimpy? Should you spend your whole time worrying about what other people think? NO. Should you know what message you are sending out about yourself through the things you wear/do? Absolutely.
I believe I've answer a lot of questions on this topic, in addition to asking some of my own. Why do we not let our children dress too sexy? Why is there such a law as "indecent exposure"? Why don't we show up to church the way we show up to the club (all that praise and worship will have you sweating DOWN!!!)? Why do some clubs have dress codes? If I show up to a bank with a bandana wrapped around my head, a wifebeated, sagging jeans, and an exposed firearm tucked in my boxers, should I be offended if I'm profiled as a bank robber and harrassed because of it? Just as the exposed gun is the key element, so is the exposed behind. Would people have the right to profile me if I had "Bitch N-gga Killer" tattoed on my forearm in plain view? Do people have the right to tell me "you shoulda thought about that before you did that to yourself"? Yes. Does it make the unwanted attention all the more valid? No. All I'm asking is that you at least KEEP THE RISK IN MIND before dressing that way. With that said, the floor is open to dissenters to speak their mind.
-B
P.S. I plan to put up a sequel to this, posting (anonymously, of course) some of the responses I get from this blog.
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6 comments:
I'm thinking this: as one who was always taught to dress in a way that is modest, befiting me as a christian, and in a way that i am comfortable, i say this: women who dress in such a way that provokes much unwanted attention have no right to say what they do and do not want. actions speak louder than words in too many cases. and any woman doing this makes herself a hypocrite. how can she say what she does and does not want and her actions show otherwise?
I understand that it's mostly an issue of respect and her rights as a citizen. but rights are indeed EARNED, and dispite what we all like to believe, rights are never garaunteed.
we see all these day time talk shows all the time, for those of us with the priviledge of staying at home in the day time (yeah right) and we see all the media's poor attempts to sensationalize this very fact. take your pick of talk shows that have dealt with the subject of provocative dress and its consequences. every woman being featured on those shows will say the same thing: that they have the right to dress the way they do. that they are grown and sexy and they can do what they want. and these same women should also ask themselves, "what makes a man NOT have the right to do what he wants regarding me?" "What, if he is indeed grown and sexy like me, makes a man NOT have the ability to do what he wants regarding me, if we are indeed equal?"
it goes hand in hand.
and contrary to your belief, the analogy about the donuts was good. in a way. but it also points to the womans argument: that they should be allowed to have free expression, yada yada, and that men should respect that duly. HOWEVER, you can't get respect, ladies unless you give it. And who better to give it to than yourself?
Dont put yourself on the menu if you dont want to be the main course. you get me?
I'm out.
the way i see it is this: any woman who feels 'ass out' is "comfortable" and that it is her right to dress any way she feels and still maintain the respect of those around her is sorely mistaken. its a fact that it just cant happen. not when we live in a society where all too often actions overpower words almost every single time.
no, you can not dress like a ho and not be treated like one. Sorry for the late breaking news ladies. but it aint gonna happen.
yes, you do have rights to do what you want. but lets face it: how often are rights garaunteed? and how often are they earned?
the analogy about the donuts was good. and true to life. it shows exactly what most likely goes thru a womans mind: that she undoubtly has rights as a citizen. that if ppl cant control themselves its a personal problem.. and the list continues. but none of the reasons are justified. at least not to me. it would be the same as an area high school girl going on a field trip and deciding she wanted to have sex on the school bus. and later reporting rape. it's not gonna fly. she's more responsible for it than the guy could ever be.
when you get down the nitty gritty.
now we can look at all these waste-of-time daytime talk shows and pick any one that has ever dealt with this same issue. all the women featured are going to say the same thing: they have a right to be respected, no matter how they dress. they are grown and sexy, and they like what they wear, yada yada.
these same ladies would do well to ask themselves: if we indeed live in a fair and equal society, what gives me the right to show my expression by dressing this way but doesnt give a guy the right to act on his feelings when i am seen dressing this way? and if i do this because i'm grown and sexy (in my opinion) then why isn't the guy the same?
respect is EARNED, and never garaunteed.
its too hypocritical for a woman to dress a certain way, then say she doesnt want the attn. she knows what type of world she is living in. she knows what the consequences of her doing certain things are.
any lady that doesnt want to be the main course should not put herself on the menu. I'm out.
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Most women who dress provocatively do so seeking positive attention when, in all actuality, they receive the opposite. This is not a new thing, and i feel that it is time that these women face the music. No one is naive to this fact. If you show it to them, they will touch it... plain and simple. This is not an attempt to justify what some men do, but what i am saying is that the chances of experiencing the same disrespectful, inappropriate behavior when not dressed in this manner are much much lower.
In all actuality, the difference of opinions typically comes from what men and women view as indicators that someone is interested or interesting. Women tend to rely on what they feel emotionally or intellectually as a good indicator. Men, generally speaking, are more prone to use their senses (what they SEE, etc.) as insight. So, in essence, what they SEE is what they GET.
Respect is something that must be earned. In order for someone to respect you, you should respect yourself enough to leave some things to the imagination. I just feel that a person who honestly wants to be respected should carry himself/herself accordingly. It's time out for sending mixed signals and then complaining about which one is received and interpreted. When you send out more than one signal, you open yourself up to more than one type of feedback. Eliminate all but one signal, and you KNOW what response is appropriate. Then (and ONLY then), you may have room to complain.
I would like to agree with you B and the comments above. I know when I go out with my friends and it takes us two hours to get ready it is not because we don't want attention (trust me). I tell my best friend all the time when we go out and she has her breast hanging out don't get mad when a guy comes up to you and ask to dance with your breast. What she reallt exspect for him to want to get to know her, lol?
How can women exspect to get respect if it looks like they are not respecting themselves?
if being overly exposed is comfortable then I say "do what you do", yet there comes a time when you must be responsible for you actions....meaning if you are going to go to the club half dressed then know that you will be harassed and accept it. how you dress is your advertisement to society, your outfit or attire is directly connected to what type of attention you recieve. to be honest i feel that when females come to the club in skimpy clothing it goes beyond them just wanting to be cute...i think they are so starved for attention of any sort that they put themselves out there for the abuse... yet when they get the attention they became hostile....it makes no sense to me if you don't want to be grabbed, cat called at,and what have you....then think long and hard before getting dresses for a night out.
Personally, I feel that a female that dresses "slutty" whether it be at a club or even at the state fair, is only crying out for attention. Like everyone, sometimes we feel that we are being over-looked by those who we feel that we need to impress. Some people deem it necessary to reveal parts of their body that should be continueously left to one's imagination. It not only says, "Like stamp here", but it is also saying, "Hey look, I have a little more meat on my butt than the typical white female".
I think it's true to say that a female that wears revealing clothing is wanting that touch or that stare from the guys. Though the female may seem upset about a "misplaced hand", I think it's only a part of the scam to make the general population believe that the guy that "Tapped that A**..." really offended her. But the whole time, she was really looking for the attention of the palm. When in actuality, he is in no way interested in getting with her. Within the next 5 mins, he's going to be doing the same thing to the next female.
With that said, I feel that a female that dresses like she is a dancer at a strip club only gets what she deserves when she is touched in the wrong manner. Though it doesn't make it right, she gets what she deserves and the attention she was looking for in the beginning.
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