Call Me

Something really perplexes me. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has heard this, so maybe one of you can explain this to me. It goes like this:

You meet someone and get to speaking on the phone. You call and call and call. Then, you stop and realize that you're the only one calling. So, to be fair and not one-sided, you wait for them to call, which they never do. Then, one day, you talk to them, and they wonder why you don't call them anymore. You ask them why they won't call you for a change. Then comes the semantics. They say that they don't like being a burden, calling people at times when they are busy. They don't like coming off as pushy or forcing themselves on you, so they wait until you call them enough for them to learn your schedule. Then, you ask when is a good time to call them, they say "anytime".

Okay, this is how it should work out. I drew up a little diagram to help out:

Let's look at this for a brief period. This represents calling someone, left being a little bit and right being a lot. The red area represented by "L" is calling too little or not at all. Of course, it does the connection no good if you're not calling someone at all or too little. It really gives off the impression of not caring to speak with people, which of course, could lead to the other person not calling at all. After all, nobody wants to call someone who will not reciprocate.

The red area represented by "R" represents calling too much. Now let's look at "too much" for a minute. The fact that "too much" is a subjective term allows people to hide under a cloak of excuses. Let's look at it. "Too much" is really defined by the other person. "People may not want to be rude and tell you that you're being too pushy", you say? Actions speak louder than words. You're not crazy. You can tell when someone wants to be left alone. This is where you lighten up (not STOP CALLING ALTOGETHER!!). If you were calling every hour on the hour, try scaling it back to every half day. If that's too much, scale back to once a day. Don't be overly sensitive and go from one extreme to another. "Well fine, I'll just not call at all and wait for you to call me!!" This notion gets NOTHING done. Why? Cuz that person will end up calling YOU too much and the roles will reverse.

The green area is the allowable range with which you can call someone. Notice that it is larger than both red areas. This is because people's call threshold can usually be quite large. They can actually tolerate more than you think. It can be a problem, though. How so? When you make the "L" and "R" decisions for them. Allow THEM to tell you when not to call. Being considerate of them is not calling them at work, not avoiding picking up the phone at all. Prudes and arrogants do that, in my opinion.

Get on with the point, B. The point is this: pick up the phone, people. If you don't wanna pick up the phone, just be honest with the person. TELL them you like for (wo)men to chase you. Don't waste their time, because when the phone ends up not ringing, you get in touch with them like there's a problem. There's a BIG problem. You won't wrap your hands around that receiver and dial. C'mon, it's not that hard. Put YOURSELF aside for one minute and extend yourself. You do it for your kids, you do it for your co-workers, do it for someone you deem interesting (if you didn't believe they were interesting enough to talk to, you wouldn't be wondering why they aren't calling). Your heart was trampled the last time you called someone? Get over it. I'm not them and they aren't me. For those that think I'm being preachy and inconsiderate, you gotta HONESTLY look at it from both sides. If you're willing to have the person call you whenever, you've obviously got the time. If you gave them a number to call you at, then you obviously have a phone. If one person can make an effort, so can you.

I had another thought, but I lost it as I was writing up that last statement. If I think of it, I'll come back with it. In the meantime, I'll stop here.

-B