An associate of mine (with 2 children) presented a scenario to me. She said that a woman with 2 children gets to meeting me and says that we begin talking and getting serious. About a month or two into it, she finds out that she was pregnant from a sexual encounter she engaged in before she met me. Her question was would I stick around?
Now, you all know my own proclivities towards dating women with children, so I already knew where I was going with my response. I said that I wouldn't stick around, trying to lay my claim that it would be hard to be around for the gestation period and birth of a child that is not mine (though I did not lay down the law as thoroughly as I have here).
She flew into this tizzy about why do guys always say that, and if the guy really cares about her, he would stick around and support her and take on the responsibility of this new child (mind you, this should be only after a MONTH of knowing/getting to know her). THEN (and this is the kicker), she said she should get some kind of credit for coming to me in the first place, saying she could have been dirty about it and not said anything about it and just tried to stick it on me! She was saying how all these men tell her they would leave. She was wondering where the guys were like on TV, that would stick around and take care of children that aren't theirs. She said that she would probably have to go outside her race to find a man like that. I'm like "WTF?!"
Then, she tries to switch it up and put the shoe on the other foot. She said "suppose you got into relations with a woman, went separate ways, met another woman, and the first woman says she's pregnant. what do you do?" I said that I would break the news to the woman I'm dealing with, knowing that she could stay like she could go. My deal is that if you really care for the person, you should be honest and be willing to take the consequence for my actions, past, present, and future. Of course, my associate didn't agree with my train of thinking. She said she couldn't believe I would do that in THAT situation, but be quick to LEAVE in her situation. I was trying to tell her that part of being honest with someone is telling them the truth, knowing that the other person could respond the way you want, like they might not. She wasn't trying to hear it.
Also, I pointed out that some men (like women) have a child threshold. They might say "I can deal with a woman with 2 children, but no more." Seeing as the woman in the "hypothetical" scenario already has 2 children, the threshold was reached. Adding this extra child would make it 3, making it one too much. Again, she said that if the man really cared for her, he would stick around.
By this time, I was ready to put the nail in the coffin. I took her situation and built on it. I said okay, let's assume this plays out like that. Say the guy is with you, you tell him you're pregnant for this situation before his time, and he decides to stick around, even though he had the 2 child threshold. Then, in one of the ultrasounds, you find out it's twins. What does he do now? You know what response I got? SILENCE. That confirmed that I had made my point and showed her that her stubborn way of thinking benefits nobody but her. She pouted and got quiet for the rest of the phone convo. For you, Miss Thing, I am bringing back out the:
The moral of this story is this: in no situation should a woman bogard a man into doing something he doesn't like doing from the outset (ESPECIALLY with something like children). I don't care how you feel, you will NOT want a man in a situation he feels uncomfortable in. Say he's there for the third child because you suckered him into staying. Eventually, she's gonna be the one to suffer, because he's gonna be flimsy about decisions, which will eventually piss her off.
Think about it.
-B
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