Worldwide

"Come on, baby, see about me..."

-Ray Charles

This is a predilection that most relationship hopefuls have, especially if there is a significant amount of distance between the two. A lot of Internet daters and other circumstancial LD courtings are happeninig and becoming commonplace in today's society. Yet, we as humans are all tactile to some degree, and telephone and e-mail and IM's and letters can only take us so far. The time WILL come where we will want to physically be in that person's presence, so that you two can spend tangible quality time together.

The iffy part of it becomes this: who comes to see who first? Especially if this is the first meeting, both parties can feel rather leery about being the first one to drop dollars on coming to see the one that they've been clicking with for however long they've known each other. They may think "what if they don't click in person or they don't like what they see?", then thinking that the money that was spent on the trip became a non-refundable waste. With fuel prices going higher and higher, who wants to waste a valuable resource like gas on a failed project?

They may also think in terms of "putting themselves out there". I've been told that when it comes to these first trips, the person who travels puts themselves out there, much like the person who does the first approach. Especially if the traveler has never been to the city, the travelee could be in complete dominance of the situation, putting the travler and his/her mercy.

It is commonly believed that in all aspects of human decency and chivalry and courtship that the man should make the first move and come to see the woman "if he really wants to see her". I've had women communicate to me that if the woman really meant something to him, he would come to see her. I mean, isn't that what courtship is really about? The man seeking out his woman?

*puts on Gender Defender cape*

Yes. In the simplest of cases, this should be the case. However, we have people that kink and bastardize this system to suit their needs. I feel that if the man is coming to see the woman that there should be three things that should be in line in order for everything to go smoothly (yea, here I go with lists again):

1. Foundation: This is the basic element of what drives people to do the things they do. What kind of history do you have? What is your relationship/friendship like? How well do you click when you aren't together? If there are not concrete reasons here, why should someone go out of their way to make the trip? I used to have people that would always ask when I was coming to see them, yet we had not talked in months. All of a sudden, word gets out I was in their town, and there's a big inquisition about why I didn't come to see them. My response to that: I'm sorry I missed your call. They would say "but I didn't call you", and I would say "exactly."
   
   Itenerary: Time is precious. Trips that wear your vehicle down should be precious. I think this is something we can all agree on. Knowing this, if a man were to come all the way to the woman to see her, would it hurt for the woman to have some kind of itenerary for the two of them to follow, so that they could make the best use of their time that they can while they're together? Of course, this should be something that should be agreed upon before the trip is made. However, sometimes this does not happen, and the man makes the trip anyway. Then, you get to her city, and the first thing out of her mouth is "so, what do you wanna do?" Aside from being infuriating, it turns what was supposed to be a cohesive act into a clusterfuck. It communicates the idea of laziness on the woman's part and can take the male COMPLETELY out of the festive mood of the trip. I've been driving 3+ hours to get to this city. The last thing I wanna do is plan all the outings.
   
   
2. Financial Agreement: I think this is the hardest pill to swallow. In true chivalry form, the male should initiate the meetings, make the dates, pay for his lady, etc. etc. However, if you're gonna factor in the length of the trip, gas, etc., I believe that should count for something. I'm coming out of my way to see you, come out of your pocket to help me out. Lodging, meals, something. Does my whole trip have to be comp'ed? No. However, don't gripe if I ask if you're taking me out or if I want to spend a night at your place. Also, this doesn't have to be a spending thing. Cook a meal for me or let me crash at your place. To most men, it doesn't matter much how these needs are met. If they ARE met though, I can assure you, you will have a much more pleasant trip.
   

I think that these are 3 important things to think about when contemplating jumping on someone about taking a trip to come to see you. It should be a 100/100 act. If I as a man am coming to see you, make sure you see to it that I enjoy myself. Know the things I like, pre-plan the trip with me, sneak in some surprises, think of me as I'm thinking about you. If you think I'm gonna come all the way to you so that I can sit on a couch and watch you loaf around, you're sadly mistaken. To some men, jumping their bones is enough (though for long trips, there had better be a LOT going on!). Whatever the payoff is, the traveler wants some return on their investment. Who wants to plan a week-long trip to a far-off city, only to have 2 hours worth of enjoyment out of it?

"Fail to plan, plan to fail" is a very popular moral. I agree. If you have not planned the trip out, there is a high chance that there will be some static. Just being spontaneous is not enough when you're running on a clock, especially if it's the first meeting. During this meeting, you're trying to feel each other out and to see how things gel between the two of you. So, I hope you all will THINK before you make these trip-ish demands on another person. Asking "so when you comin' to see me?" is asking a LOT. Just be prepared to contribute in an equal way, is all I'm saying.

-B