Freeway of Love

That's right. Back at it. This edition's culprit? The infectous male-bashing anthem of late '06: Beyonce's Irreplaceable. Walk with me, talk with me...

We are first welcomed with the explanation where the guy's stuff is, similar to the end of Oran "Juice" Jone's classic "In the Rain". She quickly lets him know that he can't have anything that she bought him throughout the course of the relationship (which, if a whole closet is involved, could be pretty volumous). She doesn't wanna hear his excuses, she doesn't wanna hear his whining: get the hell out (of her house, apparently). Don't think about runnin' that game about being one in a million, because she already knows that you're a dime a dozen.

Chorus.

Verse number 2. We are FINALLY told WHY he needs to get the hell out. Apparently, the guy has been cheating on her, which is ONE HELL of a no-no procedure. To make matters worse, this imbecile actually thought she DIDN'T know! You must not know about her, indeed! She then begins to rationalize her actions and EXPLAIN to this poor unfortunate soul the rationale and reasoning behind her jumping stupid on him. Now, vengeance is hers, and she forbids the guy from driving off in the car she bought him. Alas, the poor lad can't even leave on free transportation! Again, the guy is warned to not try any funny Jedi Mind Tricks on her to think he's all that.

Chorus.

This, as Diddy says, is where we take it to the bridge. She tells him that she is an all or nothing package. If she can't be his all like he is hers, he can what; GET THE HELL OUT! You're not worth tears, time, or talk, brother. You ain't worth CRAP. GET THE HELL OUT.

Chorus to fade.


Wasn't that fun, ladies and gentlemen? For a fountain of females, this song provides an outlet for emotional outpouring and mental one-upsmanship over the "dogs" of the male gender. There are two sides to every story, though. Let's look at some inherent things she might want to pay attention to next time. Before I start this, I would like to say that I, in no way, condone infidelity!

Miss Knowles, I would like you to stop and think before you get into these relationships. Your self-destructive principles and splurging tactics can come back to bite you where it hurts. First of all, what kind of relationship are we talking? What is this man doing to the point that you're buying him THIS MUCH STUFF?! I assume it's been a while, because she's kicking him out of her house, so he's had time to be an asshole. All the while, you've bought him a mountain of worldly goods, which includes a VEHICLE?! C'mon, B. Maybe a little more insight into the relationship would shed light on these questions, but that's not what this is about. This is about jumping down his throat. Eh, I only know what you tell me, sweetheart. Let's move on.

Okay, B, now comes the MOST unsettling part of the song is the hook. You claim you can "have another him in a minute". Okay, I guess I see your point here. Goes back to that "dime a dozen" logic. The problem is in the next lyric, where you claim that "he'll be here in a minute. This is quite bewildering. WHY in the hell would you want another low-life? Not only that, you would want another low-life that you wouldn't mind splurging on? You must not've seen Casino! Wait, didn't you say he would be there in a minute, which means that he's on his way now. Wouldn't that mean that....YOU were creeping, too?! How long has THIS been going on?! WHO was creeping first? Should this new guy think he's irreplaceable as well? To hell with a freeway. It's all about the REVOLVING DOOR of love in '06, huh?

Then, you gotta look at what effect this song will have on females. Guy messing with you? REPLACE his ass! No "take time for yourself", no "get your head together". Just get somebody else. Everybody doesn't like being the "rebound" person, but who cares? THE WOMAN wants a replacement, the woman gets a replacement. What happens when this cycle of replacement leads to a string of replacement? Do men become the blame? Does the female take the blame? Wait, let's not go THAT far. Couldn't ever be the woman's fault, could it? Perish the thought!

Also, what does this say about Beyonce's sense of commitment? Digging somebody enough to replace your one and only (or at least someone you thought enough of to take into your home and lavish with expensive gifts) the very moment you tell them it's over? Does commitment mean spending money on someone or remaining faithful to them? Then, let's say she knew a while back that he was cheating. Then, she met guy #2 and was like "screw bein' fauthful". So, as long as he's gonna creep, you're gonna creep. Uhhhh, doesn't that defeat the purpose of being in a relationship? Also, even if she doesn't use THAT train of thought, why would you keep a leech in YOUR home? If I KNEW someone was cheating on me while I was tending to their financial whims, I would cease and desist. Trick or hypocrite: which do you wanna be?

Beyonce, think of all the misguided fans you have with this as their voicemail greeting, ringtones, life soundtrack, etc. What kind of outcry are you endorsing? Of course, having a dissenting opinion must make me a hater, so I have no grounds with which to legally have a problem with the song. However, I don't think that Irreplaceable is sending the right message as far as resolving that circumstance. Let's make situations better and do away with the "out with the old, in with the old" train of thought. You must not know bout ME!

-B