Make It Easy on Yourself

I had a long blog about this, but when I went to post it, my connection to Blogger died. So, I'll just post a brief summary of it:

Paragraph 1: Saw a show on Oprah about women in their 30's across America. One of the women she talked to was an African-American attorney, who said that she finds herself intimidating because she believes that a woman of her stature with so many things going for herself makes her feel like she's on a plateau that most men feel they can't measure up to.

Paragraph 2: I saw what she was saying and I came to the conclusion that I too, am emotionally and relationally intimidating. I frequently get questions from many different sources, inquiring about how many other women I'm seeing and assumptions that I have millions of women running after me. I stated that these assumptions are not good for establishing anything concrete with the assumer, because it shifts the attention away from that person and me. I commented on how some people believe it's a thing of women and their fear of rejection, but due to me not being a woman, I cannot accurately confirm or deny.

Paragraph 3: I got into the nuts and bolts of my own confidence, knowing I could have any woman I wanted on the basis of being the good man that I AM, not who I appear to be. I stated that this is a fact rooted in confidence and not arrogance (as some might be inclined to believe). Life is a gamble, and me harping on what I can't have while trying to get it will cockblock on my ability to actually get it, so I see competition as none and go for mine.

Paragraph 4: This was the paragraph that got me out of trouble. I was explaining that if someone IS, in fact, intimidated by someone else for whatever reason, it is more than likely related to something internal to that person, as opposed to the intimidator FORCING their will upon the "victim". You believing that you don't have a chance is not something I can fix.

Paragraph 5: I spoke on people being with people because of what they KNOW, not on what they fear to be true. I asked if an intimidator being in a committed relationship with the "victim" would end the insecurities, to which I hypothesized that it wouldn't. At what point is an intimidatee satisfied in their own skin? Who has the power to make them comfortable?

Paragraph 6: This was my tough love paragraph. I came straight and said if you believe you have no chance and really ARE intimidated for reasons I didn't FORCE on you, leave that to be YOUR cross to bear. I stated that as many people ask me what kind of women I am attracted to, I see that I will have to make CONFIDENCE a high priority. I don't have the time to stroke insecurities and answer pointless questions so someone can feel safe approaching me. If you're gonna come, come correct.

Paragraph 7: I believe this is where I wrapped it up, pointing out that someone would erroneously think that I was singling them out. I know there are a lot of men AND women who feel this way, and what was said HAD to be said. If you feel this shoe fits the way you are, my advice is try another shoe. No books, no seminar, no Oprah show, and no pep talk can make you confident. They can ASSIST, but TRUE confidence comes from within. I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad, but if they do, then changes need to be made. Neither party's time deserves to be wasted, so if you don't feel you've got a shot, then you probably don't. Not being arrogant, but it's the truth. Why should someone who's not in a committed relationship be subject to doing a dating "check-in" with someone who's interested in them, ESPECIALLY when you don't question ANYBODY they're seeing? No go on that show, yo.

-B