-Cynthia on an episode of Seinfeld
Man, I don't know what's goin' on with me. Just when I think I've written a blog that is my biggest, I write another one I think eclipses it. This one, though, I think will take the crown as far as my personal reflections and conclusions. The reason, you ask? Well, I have come to the conclusion that I am not in the mindstate to be in a committed relationship at the time. Yea, well, now that the cat is out of the bag, you know what I'm about to do. Get your chill beverage, because I'm about to get mine... *leaves to get Lipton Green Tea* *returns* aaahhhhh, ok, now where was I...
I was not aware that this would have to be something that I would have had to explain, but apparently it is. It's always been my belief that if people want things to go a particular way, they would have a sit-down and say it. Even if you don't have a sit-down about it, the enforcement of a relationship should not go into effect until you are in a relatoinship. However, it seems as though certain things a man may do can send a misleading messages to the women they are around.
For example, I am a man who believes in celebrating a woman and the things she does for me and how they make me feel. If a woman's natural essence makes you feel like a king, I see nothing with letting her know that. Also, I am a man who believes that there is something regal about an authentic embrace. Physical contact between two people who enjoy each other creates unspeakable amounts of positive energy, and who does not enjoy the feeling of being with someone who makes them feel wonderful? I have stayed away from sexual intercourse for over 7 years now (a stat I pride myself on), so there is no man-whoring and using women for their "goodies" or what have you. The LAST thing I want this blog to do is to seem like I'm trying to justify being a whore. This has nothing to do with any post-Greek initiation thing (which would be another issue that I don't wanna get into), but I will say this:
Again, not being in anything committed, I have no right to tell ANY female I know in WHATEVER capacity how they should feel or who they should communicate with or who to have in their lives. Likewise, I don't feel that these assumptions or unspoken demands should be put on me, either. I don't need some woman lookin' @ me sideways because someone calls me or I see a female friend of mine while I am with them. I don't feel an obligation to explain anybody to any female is not my wife, girlfriend, or mother.
Anyway, getting back to what I was saying, I can see how sending someone a text or an e-mail of a caring nature could be interpreted as me sending the wrong message. I can see how someone checking on someone and being there for them coupled with the aforementioned actions could send the wrong message. On the other hand, I don't understand it. I hear from a lot of women who speak down on all these men who do nothing for them, yet ask them to give their all. Then, when someone approaches who respects the royalty of the black woman through vocals and actions yet asks very little out of the norm, if at all, it's a problem because he doesn't want to commit? When is it ever possible for a man and woman to genuinely care for one another without a "relationship or bust" perspective?
What is the solution? Well, the obvious thing would be to "tell the woman up front". Yea, that's fine, but my view on it is that you have NO way of knowing what this person will mean to you, not to mention the message you send when you run up on someone like "hi, how are you? I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP!"? It would be MAD weird to have someone run up on you like that. While I do believe that it is true that it should be communicated (and apparently, it MUST be communicated before you touch them in any fashion) I don't totally agree that "I'm not looking for a relationship" should be the first thing out of your mouth.
Also, who's to say that a person cannot be a blessing to your life in another capacity? A person may not be meant to be a boyfriend, but they may be a good soundboard to help each other through life's issues or a spiritual confidant. If I were to have a "relationship or bust" thought process, I cannot tell you how many people I would NOT have as a blessing in my life over the years. God has great plans for everybody, and it takes us reaching out and allowing Him to have His way to truly allow them to be what we should be to these people.
The crazy thing about an epiphany (ESPECIALLY one of this magnitude) is that it only serves to prevent future occurrences. The people who may already feel "misled" may still feel hurt by this revelation, and of course, through this epiphany, some people may no longer wish to network with me. Whether it's the fact that an "intimate guesture" misled them or they're intimidated that some of my best friends are female, I feel that I am worth being dealt with straight up.
My thoughts on those that DO choose to leave me be? Again, I respect their decisions, whatever they may be (of course, I require that this honesty be reciprocated, and any changes they feel need to be made should be communicated), but I would rather someone leave me than to stay around and feel that I have wasted their time by misleading them into thinking I wanted something I didn't. I would rather be TOTALLY alone than to have people around who are not on the same page as me and accept that.
Conversely, I see that there are adjustments I need to make. Apparently, I will have to think twice about doing unique things for a woman. You know what? No, I won't. Again, it will be my stance that as long as it's established what is and what isn't, then everybody becomes responsible for their own actions. That way, if someone's emotions hit the fan, you can't say Brandon lied to you or played you in any way!
Will I feel this way forever? Of course not. Am I saying that I want nothing to do with or am trying to push away everybody? Of course not. I just believe in allowing people to make educated decisions, because once the knolwedge has been transferred, so has the responsibility. I definitely believe that the day of monogamy is coming, but on the same token, the song "Trying Girls Out" by The Persuaders sums it up:
Until I find the one for me..."
-B
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2 comments:
Nice and well spoken, but I got you on something and I want to see how you're going to justify this one. I appreciate you more than a relationship and you KNOW this without a shadow of a doubt. I dont feel like some things were done RIGHT and I will speak on it ANYWHERE I feel the need.
I NEVER HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A MAN AND HIS FEMALE FRIENDS...It was HOW IT WAS HANDLED. Im far from insecure so NO FEMALE can intimidate ME. REAL TALK...I told u once before that...Glad to see I can still help you out on these blogs. MAKES ME SHIVER!!
Very well written! I forgot to share this with you yesterday when I was giving you my take on "Heartbreaker" Even good men end up alone. Although you've said here that you would rather be TOTALLY alone, I know thats not true. In order for people to be on the same page with you, you have to let them read the book, they have to know what your INTENTIONS are. I can't be on the same page with you if I don't know what book you're reading from. At some point in the "getting to know you stage" it is a must you share with these women that you're not looking for a "relationship"
I think you need to do a part 2 to this blog based on a look within. I'm not going to post what we talked about yesterday, that's way too much.
AJ
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