Questions

Why don't men like a demanding person or a woman that rushes into things?

This is a question I've been hit with a couple times, and it's an easy question, like it's not. I'm trying to think of how to speak on this issue in a general, structured manner. However, I'm best at being me, and that's not always structured. If I hit tangents, just kinda follow me (I gather this isn't setting a very persuasive precedent to read the blog, lol).

First, let me put on my Gender Defender cape for a minute, because this is an issue that can be a problem for both sides. While I have seen and heard about this issue being prevalent among female discussion, males are often confronted with women who are not all too pleased with men being overly forward and time-conscious. However, in the interest of not being one-sided, I will address the question as stated.

In my opinion, this issue plagues men for three reasons, in no particular ranking or order. The first reason is that in this day and age, for some reason, some men are intimidated by a woman who tries to jump in the driver's seat of a relationship. They are still stuck in the mindstate of "I'm a man", and they see any time a woman takes the reins as an affront to them as a man. I don't necessarily agree with this train of thought, because women have proven to be some of the most underrated, profound, and innovative thinkers in history (as have African-Americans, but that's another issue). A woman who is confident in herself and her abilities should be considered as a PLUS, not an attack. Besides, a woman who is forward and is willing to move on your behalf and get things done, that's more a shared load and less of a solitary BURDEN. If you're trying to carry a sofa into a house by yourself and the woman pulls out a handtruck, you better believe I'm rolling with her (no pun intended)!

Secondly (and probably most common), most of these men either don't know what they want or fear commitment. A man who isn't sure of himself or what he wants would NATURALLY be unable to commit to something, because he's still experiementing. There is no "cure" for this, so pretty much the only thing a woman who is trying to "rush" should do is move on. You will only be inviting headache and heartache by keeping them around if your goals are more than the things they are certain about.

The other is also an incurable circumstance that only the man can fix. Guys with the Prince Akeem "sow your royal oats" cannot just be spoken to and rushing DEFINITELY won't help. Men who fear commitment cannot see beyond themselves, so until they do, they will resist the works of a woman who wants to steer things in that direction. It seems to take SELF-CONTROL to be in a relationship, because as long as you are living, you will encounter people you find attractive. Self-control and respect for the person you're WITH seems to be a prime factor for monogamy. I could go on, but THAT would be a tangent that would be best left as another blog...

The last reason is that women rushing into ANYTHING is a bad thing. Rushing kinda goes on that timeline thing I keep talking about. Believing in God alone is prime reason to know that He will allow things that are to happen to do just that: happen. People know what it's like to feel RUSHED, and most people will tell you that it SUCKS and is rarely effective. A relationship is a HUGE investment, and anyone who debates it doesn't know what they're talking about. If you're looking to buy a house or car, if the realtor or dealer began trying to rush the sale, you would feel offended. What makes a relationship any differently. I can respect someone's passion, but if I'm not agreeing with your pacing, I'm going to resist it, whether it pleases you or not. A relationship is something both have to co-sign on to be successful, so I am embracing my empowerment.

Okay, now for Gender Defender. Some women have known guys to be forward or "demanding" and proactive or "rushing", and they end up feeling swamped. I've heard men (SINGLE men, mind you) approach women saying "I'm looking for a wife", and they just aren't up to it, because they feel like they are pushing them to something that they don't want. Now mind you, making someone a spouse is a heck of a demand, but it happens. It doesn't make it right on either side of the coin, but you gotta take things easy.

I really can't think of a way to wrap this up in a formal way, so I won't. I'm easy like Sunday morning.

-B