Get Better

Men, men, men, men. Lemme talk to you for a minute. We got some things we need to discuss. Women of today are being let down and left for loneliness at an alarming rate, due to our selfishness and immaturity. We really need to get better. Man to man, I just need to voice some of the concerns that the ladies are having in which WE need to get it together. There's no gimmick or special numbering mechanism in place here. It's just real talk. Of course, I'm speaking to the brothers out there with a heart and a conscience, as most heartless people don't care anyway and are just out for themselves.

1. Figure Out What You Want: A lot of times, we are motivated by what we want (cars, clothes, clout, etc.), and we should. We are hunter/gatherers. We are bred by instinct to seek out that which we want and bring it into our world. The problem is that the laxed attitude of figuring out exactly WHAT we want in our world in certain areas of life DON'T translate well when dealing with women. The way we can go into a store, pick up three shirts, look at the best things about them all, buy them, and keep them in a calculated rotation does NOT work when dealing with women. The whole thing of getting with a woman and SEEMINGLY "not knowing what you want" will only lead to emotional deterioration. I say seemingly, because we all know WHAT we want, but we fear either not getting it by making it known, or we figure we can play the "over time, I can convince her to change the no to a yes" GAME (that's right, I said it). Men CONSTANTLY say they hate when a woman gets with them, thinking they can "change" him, so why the hell do WE feel that if we throw emotional jabs at a woman, we can "change" them? Where is the allowed double standard that makes this twisted thought process work?
   
   
2. Get Control of Your Emotions: Piggybacking on the first thing, this item here is a BIG problem amongst men. When we want what we want and we see what we want, we know that the last step is to man up and go GET IT. The problem (when dealing with a woman) is, a LOT of men go to these situations with their hearts, egos, and fear of rejection on their sleeves. We want the encounter to go just as we want it to, and we want to get the girl. We want to assure her that our motives are on the up and up, we aren't players, we are good guys, and we want to be good guys to them, ALL in the beginning.
   
   However, when we DON'T meet the mark (and no man will ALWAYS meet it), our crushed ego and hurt feelings won't allow us to leave the encounter at her polite decline. We have to go into "guerilla ego" mode, by making ourselves feel better by demeaning this SAME woman we thought was so beautiful and had so much to offer. We need to stop that and either learn to appreciate the word no, as not all that glitters is gold.
   
   This concept is also a problem when this same principle stops us from even approaching in the first place. Women can sniff out manufactured confidence, so we feel that if we can't go in and be PERFECT, better to not go in at ALL. The problem with that train of thought is that not only do we not get what we want, we also let golden opportunities pass us by. You cannot learn if you never open the book. As we MAN UP and just say hi, we will find ourselves a lot more successful than we think.
   
   The last thing I'll touch on as it relates to this topic is the "I can't commit to you, as I've been hurt in the past" GAME. Listen, brothers. We need to STOP with this foolishness. If you feel like you can't commit, don't put yourself in the position to have this request made of you. I'll touch on it in detail later, but leave this EXCUSE in the dust. If you need time to heal, FALL BACK and heal. Also, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND WHO HAS BEEN HURT BEFORE! Stop making this bullshit appeal like you're breaking some new ground, and for that reason, should be forbidden from having responsibilities demanded of you. Finally, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO HEAL?! Life is a "no risk, no reward" business. If you ALWAYS let the failures of the past prohibit you from taking a chance on your future, you'll end up a SAD case. Let's be honest, though. It's all a front to stop a woman from requiring more from you, while still being allowed to have your way with her. We need to get better.
   
   
3. Recognize Quality When You Have It: SO many women, SO SO SO many women are plagued with this problem. GOOD women who would make a WONDERFUL girlfriend/spouse are left alone because men are blinded by the short-term feeling of infatuation and/or vagina. Men who equate their worth with how many women call them or want them. If you find yourself with a woman you're digging and who's digging you, it is YOUR job as a man to recognize when you got quality, because I PROMISE you, if you don't, another man will. There are a lot of women out there who are NOT out for our money or status, but just want to be in a GOOD, WHOLESOME relationship with the security of long-term togetherness. All this half-hearted connection bullshit just to save face and be in someone else's face will leave you with a face full of yourself.
   
   "The most beautiful woman in the world is your ex-woman on the arm of another man..."
   
   Don't victimize yourself, brothers.
   
   
4. Vagina Isn't Always Right: The power of the P-U-SS-Y. Yea, the urge for sex is a trait that we, as males, will always possess. We can't get around it. The PROBLEM is that this is the MAIN problem that cockblocks us from not only OUR happiness, but the happiness of those who we would be a good fit for (no pun intended). While we possess the urge to have sex, we, as humans, were also blessed with the concept of SELF-CONTROL. Let me say that again. SELF-CONTROL. Your penis may want to jump out and do touchdown dances in a moist cave all it wants to, but WE need to learn to CONTROL it, instead of letting IT control US. We pass over perfectly GOOD women we respect and admire to entertain the easy catch we don't and won't give a damn about after it's over. These booty calls, side pieces, and jumpoffs need to become a thing of the past, because they VERY RARELY end up at any kind of desireable end point. Getting the jumpoff pregnant and having your life stapled to a woman you can't stand/barely know is NOT the business!
   
   This combined with #2 is lethal. Guys, if we want sex, just go and say that. We need to stop getting these women attached to us, thinking there is a future, when all we see is the future between her legs. I know a COUPLE women who would entertain the notion of sex with men who would just come up and make their intentions known up front. Removing the super strength adhesive of a woman's emotions after you've used her is a sticky, messy, and dangerous situation. We don't make it ANY easier for the REAL men who actually WANT something with this woman. We only give the good men MORE hoops to jump through to make up for the lesson we taught her. This is NOT a good look, and we need to get better.
   
   
5. Stop Making Excuses: Men, we...*sigh* we always have a reason or an excuse as to why what WE'RE doing is SO MUCH different than what the next man who's doing the SAME thing is doing. Part of manning up is taking RESPONSIBILITY for exactly what it is that you want. Again, if you just wanna hit it, SAY THAT. Sure, you risk rejection at a much higher rate, but the woman will APPRECIATE the fact that you spared her the empty investment. We don't appear to be any more of a man if we are constantly trying to break free from the chains we put ourselves in. If you fuck up, man up and take your charge. Don't try to weasel your way out of your shortcoming, but expect to give the woman HELL when she misses the mark. We only show OUR insecurity that way, and we can turn OUR beauty to ugliness in her eyes.
   
   It all comes down to being smart. If you know that in the long term, this woman is worth the effort, you will do what you need to do to make it work. If you don't care about the woman one way or the other, LET HER GO! Stop keeping these women in emotional bondage because it's all about you. Moving on...
   
   
6. Stop Accepting Benefits You Can't Pay For: This right here I think is the MAIN thing that gets us in hot water with women. Women seem to have a kind of "cost" system, that grants certain exclusive benefits as the two of you grow closer. It's a lovely concept that gives men they feel closer to the benefit of being so close. If this were the way we reciprocated, we wouldn't have a problem. The problem is when we TAKE the benefits, but we try to skip out on the bill. If a woman tells you she doesn't perform certain favors if she doesn't feel the relationship will lead to commitment, DON'T accept those favors if you are not willing to provide them! Stop this selfishness of taking what's being offered, then throwing up the "I never asked you for it" excuse when it's time to ante up!
   
   When you go out to eat, you don't skip on the check, so WHY do we feel that it's okay to do a woman like that?! Taking her money, heart, and body without flinch or freeze, but when they ask that you provide the mental and emotional security of knowing that you're giving them exclusive attention, suddenly, you gotta turn the lights on and have a talk. Nah uh, Jack. The word "special" has a meaning.
   

Guys, we do a good bit well, and for that, we deserve a pat on the back, and our just kudos. The good things we do shine a glimmer of hope in the eyes of women who want to believe that good men DO exist. However, we really have stuff to get together. I, too, have had to learn some of these lessons the hard way, but the key is the lesson and its application. A lot of us guys have fallen in the eyes of the fairer sex, and WE need to stop pointing the fingers at women and blaming their "over-emotional attachment" on our inability to handle our business. We need to get better.

-B