Cheatin' Is 2

There has been a considerable amount of talk and discussion regarding infidelity in relationships. Cheating has always had a well-deserved ugly head put on it, and there will always be people who fear it as the approach and maintain the relationships they are currently in. I would watch a TON of court and talk shows when I was in college (escapism was GREAT at that age), and a lot of the problems these people were reporting had infidelity at its center. (S)He cheated on me, and since then, this big snowball happened. I tune in to Steve Harvey’s Strawberry Letter segment all the time, and frequently, the problem in the letter revolves around cheating.

A lot of times, the main question people want to know is why. We, as human beings, enjoy knowing the reasoning stimuli behind occurrences, as it gives us the ability to avoid, plan for, or manipulate them. With the devastating emotional effects that cheating has on both men and women, people want to know what they can do to avoid having their mate or spouse cheat on them. As anyone with sense can tell you, men and women are programmed differently, so I’m sure that if you ask a man why men cheat and ask a woman why women cheat, you’ll get different answers. Well, I am not a woman, so I cannot say why women cheat or what a man can do to stop a woman from cheating. I AM a man, though, and can provide my take on why MEN cheat. This is not an all-encompassing universal list of reasons, but it’s my take on the top 3 principles of why men cheat.

Before I start this list, let me just say that cheating in ANY circumstance is wrong. In no way is this blog an excuse to excuse or validate someone cheating. Foolish reasons like “if my woman always accuses me of cheating and I’m not, I might as well” are stupid in whatever context you arrange it in. If you are down bad to the point that you’re down bad, then you’re down bad. My blog ain’t here to wash you clean.

I think a lot of cheating is really done out of greed, and is really the basis for all of this. I put the two together, because the concepts kinda mold into one. If you have a man that is greedy, then he will simply go out and cheat because of his insatiable appetite. This is a problem, as the greed plays on the economic concept of “infinite wants vs. finite resources” (wow, trivia from college! Woo hoo!), which basically says that human nature will always want more than the world can provide. REASONABLE and DECENT and CARING people know how to put this in check, however, and would rather remain monogamous to the one person and accentuate their positives (cause nobody’s perfect).

It then comes down to a glass half full/half empty concept, in which good monogamous men see the woman they have and celebrate what she DOES have, where as the low down ones lament what she DOESN’T have, which fuels their desire to venture out to meet that need. Whether it is a personal defect or something minute as “I wanted some, and she didn’t wanna give me none”, these cheapos like to take this road, because they feel they can put some of the culpability on the woman’s shoulders. Better to cheat as a victim than to just randomly get caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

This is also why some men cheat, because they see what they want, KNOWING it’s something they aren’t supposed to have. Temptation is a part of EVERYONE’S life, man, woman, and child. The line is drawn at the point you RESIST temptation vs. egging it on. We KNOW what’s at stake when the opportunity to cheat presents itself (ESPECIALLY when it’s “NEEDLESS/TRIVIAL”). The line is drawn when a good man turns it down because he knows a temporary high isn’t worth it, as opposed to a dog who ONLY cares about the high and that which will make HIM feel good. This mindset reminds me of Kid in the first House Party movie, where he said “well, I guess I’ll just have fun now and pay for it later”. These men who treat emotions/hearts like credit cards (buy now/pay later) forget the hidden fees sometimes, or….simply don’t care.

• Fear/Greed: Where’s the fear? Simple. The fear comes because men KNOW when they have a good thing. Whether they have a good woman or they have a woman who will tolerate them, they want to KEEP the one they care for or hold on to their best hand. They don’t want to lose the GOOD thing, which is why the cheating is done in the dark. Nobody wants to be without a good thing, but again, when this fear is coupled with greed, somebody's set to come up short.
  
  
• Ego: Greedy idiots who are run by their own ego and arrogance will poison whoever they're with. These are the guys who just KNOW they're the shit and they step out because they feel like being with multiple women and/or being in multiple simultaneous relationships validates their manhood or that they feel like women SHOULD be throwing themselves at him, so he allows it to happen. Most people know that all men are egotistical to a degree, but there are some who just love the rush they get from getting it stroked that they become addicted to it. Having one woman isn't enough, because they know that they are desired by others. Again, when the inability to fend off the temptations that come with being desired, you creep over that line to being a cheating dog. These are the guys who feed the "good man recession" idea, and figure that as long as they give the woman a little bit of something good, she is to lap up whatever he brings to her world. A lot of the guys who just brazenly cheat without any regard for the consequences involved are usually feeding into this foolishness.
  
  
• Invincibility Cloak: There are a lot of guys who have the belief that they are impervious, and the consequences of infidelity will not get to them because they feel they are just that good. They feel that if they stay on top of the layers and layers of lies they have put into play, they simply will never get caught. They “know” their women, and they know what to tell them, figuring that they will remain in the fog of lies and circle-jerkage as long as they want them to. Of course, this will lead to a blunder, and the house of cards will eventually come crashing down (darkness coming to light), but until that time comes, these “weak souls” do it because they feel they can get all the benefits of having multiple partners without suffering the arrows of infidelity.
  
  This circumstance goes into play HEAVILY when a man is with a woman who doesn’t stand her ground or enforce her desire to be with a man who will be faithful to her. A man will prey on a woman who doesn’t enforce her desires of the relationship and just lets the man have his way, even though he CLEARLY has obligations to uphold.
  
  
• Separation of Extracurricular Affairs and Emotion: Men are physiologically programmed differently than women, and this clash frequently comes in the arena of sexual encounters. Men have been known to view sexual activity as a sacred act to those we have our hearts invested in, while strictly going through the motions to achieve an orgasm when dealing with people who DON’T mean as much. This separation of sexual church and state leaves certain men with the mindset of trying to justify the cheating by playing up what it did and didn’t mean. They erroneously feel that if the sex didn’t mean anything, it’s excusable by some kind of man law. They fail to take into account the emotional ramifications of THE ACT. They believe that explaining how much it DIDN’T mean with a jumpoff in contrast to how much it DOES mean with his woman should mitigate his culpability or soothe her emotional core. I have yet to hear this state of mind work. I liken it to murder. I don’t care if the murder was over someone owed you $200, the ACT of murder has still been committed, and the blood of the deed remains on your hands.
  
  
• A Better Option: Chris Rock once joked “a man is basically as faithful as his options.” Men are visual, and sometimes, being presented with a “better” option may lead them to step out and experience this whole new world. They may come across a seductress with a boom-bam-kerpow body, or she may offer to bring things to his life that he isn’t experiencing in his current relationship. From here, he will take the low road, and gamble the good for the now. Of course, all that glitters isn’t gold, and catastrophic results follow.
  

Again, regardless of reason, cheating is not cool, and is not reflections of the woman’s shortcomings. The principle is still simple: if the urge to seek unagreed relationship alternatives, it is always the correct course of action to end the current relationship. That way, the ties and obligations of commitment will no longer apply, and one can be morally free to review other applications.

-B