Follow Me

Well, I got yet ANOTHER updated way of findin' out what the heck is up with me. Upon much persuasion, I've gotten in on the whole Twitter phenomenon. Obviously, without me needing to type of a whole essay's worth of thoughts, you'll probably notice that I'll be tweeting more than blogging. I DON'T believe the blog will die because of it, but sometimes, ya just don't feel like typing out a whole bunch of stuff to validate a blog entry.

http://www.twitter.com/souledout504

Come on and go with me...

-B

Back In Stride

Schoolhouse Rock is going green! Schoolhouse Rock! Earth has all the heart and musical soul of the original Schoolhouse Rock, designed for a new generation of fans! Eleven all-new songs with all-new animation prove that caring about the environment can be rockin fun! The orignal Schoolhouse Rock masters have written all new songs sung by beloved voices from timeless classics like I'm Just A Bill and Conjunction Junction. There couldn't be a better time to be educated and entertained about water conservation, recycling, biodiversity, solar power and the rainforest, the Schoolhouse Rock way!

After who knows how many years, a whole DVD full of NEW Schoolhouse Rock! Y'all already know I got it copped, locked, and loaded!

-B

Cheatin' Is 2

There has been a considerable amount of talk and discussion regarding infidelity in relationships. Cheating has always had a well-deserved ugly head put on it, and there will always be people who fear it as the approach and maintain the relationships they are currently in. I would watch a TON of court and talk shows when I was in college (escapism was GREAT at that age), and a lot of the problems these people were reporting had infidelity at its center. (S)He cheated on me, and since then, this big snowball happened. I tune in to Steve Harvey’s Strawberry Letter segment all the time, and frequently, the problem in the letter revolves around cheating.

A lot of times, the main question people want to know is why. We, as human beings, enjoy knowing the reasoning stimuli behind occurrences, as it gives us the ability to avoid, plan for, or manipulate them. With the devastating emotional effects that cheating has on both men and women, people want to know what they can do to avoid having their mate or spouse cheat on them. As anyone with sense can tell you, men and women are programmed differently, so I’m sure that if you ask a man why men cheat and ask a woman why women cheat, you’ll get different answers. Well, I am not a woman, so I cannot say why women cheat or what a man can do to stop a woman from cheating. I AM a man, though, and can provide my take on why MEN cheat. This is not an all-encompassing universal list of reasons, but it’s my take on the top 3 principles of why men cheat.

Before I start this list, let me just say that cheating in ANY circumstance is wrong. In no way is this blog an excuse to excuse or validate someone cheating. Foolish reasons like “if my woman always accuses me of cheating and I’m not, I might as well” are stupid in whatever context you arrange it in. If you are down bad to the point that you’re down bad, then you’re down bad. My blog ain’t here to wash you clean.

I think a lot of cheating is really done out of greed, and is really the basis for all of this. I put the two together, because the concepts kinda mold into one. If you have a man that is greedy, then he will simply go out and cheat because of his insatiable appetite. This is a problem, as the greed plays on the economic concept of “infinite wants vs. finite resources” (wow, trivia from college! Woo hoo!), which basically says that human nature will always want more than the world can provide. REASONABLE and DECENT and CARING people know how to put this in check, however, and would rather remain monogamous to the one person and accentuate their positives (cause nobody’s perfect).

It then comes down to a glass half full/half empty concept, in which good monogamous men see the woman they have and celebrate what she DOES have, where as the low down ones lament what she DOESN’T have, which fuels their desire to venture out to meet that need. Whether it is a personal defect or something minute as “I wanted some, and she didn’t wanna give me none”, these cheapos like to take this road, because they feel they can put some of the culpability on the woman’s shoulders. Better to cheat as a victim than to just randomly get caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

This is also why some men cheat, because they see what they want, KNOWING it’s something they aren’t supposed to have. Temptation is a part of EVERYONE’S life, man, woman, and child. The line is drawn at the point you RESIST temptation vs. egging it on. We KNOW what’s at stake when the opportunity to cheat presents itself (ESPECIALLY when it’s “NEEDLESS/TRIVIAL”). The line is drawn when a good man turns it down because he knows a temporary high isn’t worth it, as opposed to a dog who ONLY cares about the high and that which will make HIM feel good. This mindset reminds me of Kid in the first House Party movie, where he said “well, I guess I’ll just have fun now and pay for it later”. These men who treat emotions/hearts like credit cards (buy now/pay later) forget the hidden fees sometimes, or….simply don’t care.

• Fear/Greed: Where’s the fear? Simple. The fear comes because men KNOW when they have a good thing. Whether they have a good woman or they have a woman who will tolerate them, they want to KEEP the one they care for or hold on to their best hand. They don’t want to lose the GOOD thing, which is why the cheating is done in the dark. Nobody wants to be without a good thing, but again, when this fear is coupled with greed, somebody's set to come up short.
  
  
• Ego: Greedy idiots who are run by their own ego and arrogance will poison whoever they're with. These are the guys who just KNOW they're the shit and they step out because they feel like being with multiple women and/or being in multiple simultaneous relationships validates their manhood or that they feel like women SHOULD be throwing themselves at him, so he allows it to happen. Most people know that all men are egotistical to a degree, but there are some who just love the rush they get from getting it stroked that they become addicted to it. Having one woman isn't enough, because they know that they are desired by others. Again, when the inability to fend off the temptations that come with being desired, you creep over that line to being a cheating dog. These are the guys who feed the "good man recession" idea, and figure that as long as they give the woman a little bit of something good, she is to lap up whatever he brings to her world. A lot of the guys who just brazenly cheat without any regard for the consequences involved are usually feeding into this foolishness.
  
  
• Invincibility Cloak: There are a lot of guys who have the belief that they are impervious, and the consequences of infidelity will not get to them because they feel they are just that good. They feel that if they stay on top of the layers and layers of lies they have put into play, they simply will never get caught. They “know” their women, and they know what to tell them, figuring that they will remain in the fog of lies and circle-jerkage as long as they want them to. Of course, this will lead to a blunder, and the house of cards will eventually come crashing down (darkness coming to light), but until that time comes, these “weak souls” do it because they feel they can get all the benefits of having multiple partners without suffering the arrows of infidelity.
  
  This circumstance goes into play HEAVILY when a man is with a woman who doesn’t stand her ground or enforce her desire to be with a man who will be faithful to her. A man will prey on a woman who doesn’t enforce her desires of the relationship and just lets the man have his way, even though he CLEARLY has obligations to uphold.
  
  
• Separation of Extracurricular Affairs and Emotion: Men are physiologically programmed differently than women, and this clash frequently comes in the arena of sexual encounters. Men have been known to view sexual activity as a sacred act to those we have our hearts invested in, while strictly going through the motions to achieve an orgasm when dealing with people who DON’T mean as much. This separation of sexual church and state leaves certain men with the mindset of trying to justify the cheating by playing up what it did and didn’t mean. They erroneously feel that if the sex didn’t mean anything, it’s excusable by some kind of man law. They fail to take into account the emotional ramifications of THE ACT. They believe that explaining how much it DIDN’T mean with a jumpoff in contrast to how much it DOES mean with his woman should mitigate his culpability or soothe her emotional core. I have yet to hear this state of mind work. I liken it to murder. I don’t care if the murder was over someone owed you $200, the ACT of murder has still been committed, and the blood of the deed remains on your hands.
  
  
• A Better Option: Chris Rock once joked “a man is basically as faithful as his options.” Men are visual, and sometimes, being presented with a “better” option may lead them to step out and experience this whole new world. They may come across a seductress with a boom-bam-kerpow body, or she may offer to bring things to his life that he isn’t experiencing in his current relationship. From here, he will take the low road, and gamble the good for the now. Of course, all that glitters isn’t gold, and catastrophic results follow.
  

Again, regardless of reason, cheating is not cool, and is not reflections of the woman’s shortcomings. The principle is still simple: if the urge to seek unagreed relationship alternatives, it is always the correct course of action to end the current relationship. That way, the ties and obligations of commitment will no longer apply, and one can be morally free to review other applications.

-B

She's A Bad Mamma Jamma

I was asked who my celebrity wife would be. One of my main choices is tennis great Serena Williams. Why, you ask?










GAME ON!!!!!

-B

Three is A Magic Number

A man and a woman had a little baby
Yes, they did
They had three in the family
And that's a magic number

-B

Questions

This is a pretty good book, giving women the inside scoop on the thought process of men, and how they can use this train of thought to try and close the communication gap between the genders. He presents some real talk between the covers, and I found myself agreeing with much of it. I won't go into detail, as not to spoil the book for those who are reading it or plan to read it.

However, the last chapter is a questionnaire called "Quick Answers to the Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask", where women were allowed to shoot Steve some questions men want to know from men. Seeing as I can give my own introspective without ruining the book, I decided to give it my own shot at it. I will try to keep my answers as concise as possible.

• What Do Men Find Sexy?
  It all depends on the man. Everybody is attractive to SOMEBODY. There is no universally sexy set of circumstances that will work on everyone. Men, as a collective, DO find confidence, versatility, and intelligence attractive, though. Anything on the outside is a toss-up, though.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Plastic Surgery, Weaves, Colored Contacts, Fake Nails, etc?
  Most good men don't put too much stock into it, because they feel like you are trying to cover up the beauty in the real you beneath it. A man who is truly into you will enjoy YOU. Most fake men will feel lied to when they discover that your boobs AREN'T that big and half your physical accentuations AREN'T really yours. A guy who just wants sex knows that you can't stick a fake vagina between your legs, so he won't care.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Dating Women Who Are Significantly Younger Than Them?
  Like some women who date younger men, some men like younger women because it gives them the "I still got it" ego boost. Some younger people give the older person that shot of youth and vitality. Then again, there are some people who are just genuinely into younger people. No PARTICULAR universal feeling about it. As long as they're happy, they're happy.
  
  
• Do Men Prefer Skinny or Thick Women?
  As with the first question, it depends on the man. There are some men who nitpick and use the slightest bit of pudge to call a woman nasty/fat, and there are some men who won't look TWICE at a petite/skinny woman without some thickness to her *raises hand*. So, it depends on the man.
  
  
• Will You Date or Marry A Woman Who Smokes?
  Nope. In my mind, a woman who smokes is VERY ugly. It's just a very unladylike characteristics, in addition to the health risks involved. As for me, smoking is a deal-breaker.
  
  
• What Do Men Think of Their Women When They Gain Weight, or Look Different Than They Did in the Beginning of the Relationship?
  The first thing I would wonder is what was the man doing as she was putting the weight on? Most drastic physical changes don't happen overnight, so if it were a problem, the man should have stepped up and nipped it in the bud. If he sees it affecting his woman's self-esteem and he CARES, he'll step up and help her out. Only a lazy man would sit around, whine about her new look, and feel like he is being led/forced to cheat. Men like this need to get better.
  
  
• Do Men Prefer Women in Flats or Heels?
  I have no idea what it is about heels, but it just adds an element of arousal to her. I'm neither a foot nor leg fetish man, but a woman with heels on looks quite good. However, a woman in heels who CAN'T WALK IN THEM is a turn-off. Don't put on what you can't pull off.
  
  
• Would A Man Date A Dumb Woman?
  Intellect and non-intellect are two opposites that DON'T attract. An unintelligent woman is a burden to an intelligent man. A good man will not put up with that for too long.
  
  
• What Do Men Think of Women Who Buy Men Drinks?
  They will be thinking that they have it a bit easier and the power is in their hand. They will accept the drink, but don't be surprised if they push harder on you. Then, again, there are men who feel that women who do that are trying to infringe upon their ability to provide for them, they will be a bit offended. Most men aren't like that.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Women Who Drink?
  Drinking is not a problem with men AS LONG AS SHE CAN HANDLE HER LIQUOR. Men lose respect for a careless lush. Moderation is key, and anything in excess is not a good thing.
  
  
• Should A Woman Buy A Man Gifts While They're Dating?
  She can, but be careful and understand if a man doesn't want to accept it. Men look at a lot of spontaneous gifts pre-commitment as a means of "locking him down" or placing him under obligation. Men have an eye for women trying to use their own tactics and turning gifts into investments when they want a return. Those same things that were "just because" become "I GOT YOU ALL THIS FOR A REASON!" If you're going to make something a gift, make it a GIFT.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Women Who Ask For Money?
  Men are about as leery about spending pre-commitment money as women are about having pre-commitment sex. Most men are VERY hesitant to spend copious sums on a woman that he doesn't want something from. Men have that "gold digger" flag in the waist of their pants like an NFL ref, and they are quick to throw it. If he's into you and committed to you, he's down, but if not, don't be surprised if the request is met with resistance.
  
  
• Would Men Help Their Woman Build Her Business?
  If he cares, you'll have to fight him to stop him. A man's job is to care for and provide for those he cares about. As her man, it is his job to be her #1 fan, and if he cares, he's gonna do what he can to help out.
  
  
• Do You Mind If Your Woman Doesn't Work?
  The Bible doesn't say that a woman HAS to work, but if she isn't working, she better be doing SOMETHING with her life. Whether it's making a home or whatnot, she better be doing something. A good man won't tolerate a woman who just isn't doing anything.
  
  
• How Do Men Really Feel About Women Drivers?
  There are good drivers of both genders, like there are bad. It spreads the spectrum.
  
  
• Does It Matter If A Woman Likes Sports?
  It really doesn't matter, as it relates to being relationship material, but not all men like sports, either. If he's into sports, it's a plus, because it becomes another means of stepping into one another's world. It's rarely a deal breaker.
  
  
• Do Men Like Shopping?
  We like shopping for us or shopping with a purpose. Just hanging around a mall ain't necessarily our bag.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Interracial Dating?
  Men, for the most part, don't care about who THEY date, but some have issues with OTHERS doing it. I know of African-American guys who would date a white woman with no problems, but they will get monster offended if they see an African-American woman dating a white man. I just think you should be happy.
  
  
• Why Don't Men Like To Cuddle After Sex?
  As the party who is generally doing a lot of work during sex (pumping, contorting, bending, bracing, balancing, squeezing, etc), during sex, once the sexual encounter is over, our body heat mixed with the retained heat on the bed has us in a hot, sweaty mess, and having another hot, sweaty body on us ain't the business. After we can cool off and recharge, we are good.
  
  
• How Do You Let A Man Know That He's Not Satisfying You Sexually?
  One of the big things that women should know about men is that they are all egotistical to a point. We take things and process them inwardly, ESPECIALLY if it involves something we are lacking or accentuating a shortcoming. In a situation like this, women should apply the "catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" approach. Rather than present a problem, present a solution. Try to help him. Don't dog him out about it, as most men really care about how they please their women. Present the advice in a solution-based manner, so that way, you give him the opportunity to improve. If he just can't cut it THEN, you gotta keep it real and let him know in about as caring a manner as you can. Just make sure you give him a chance to step his game up first.
  
  
• What If We Want More Sex, and We're Not Getting It?
  This kind of stuff should be talked about before the two people get sexual. The sexual needs and urges should be COMMUNICATED. Some women figure that if they never talk about sex, then the guy won't push a sexual agenda. The woman should know what kind of man she's dealing with. In most cases, if she wants to step it up, he'll be willing to move along with her. Again, you can make a lot of things easier by simple communication. Not a drawn-out "lemme ask you something" thing, but just real conversation.
  
  
• How Long is Too Long to Hold Out on Sex If We're Not Fighting?
  I really can't answer that question. Sex is a delicate issue with men, ESPECIALLY if it's in a committed situation. Men can't stand when sex is withheld as a bargaining chip or an item of payback. When that's coupled with the fact that most women cherish monogamous sexual partners, if a man is prohibited from having sex with the person he's remaining faithful to, he will see a problem with it. I can't say there's a justified timeline, but again, moderation is key.
  
  
• How Can A Woman Tell If Her Man is on the Down Low?
  I have no idea. Women's intuition can pick up on a lot of things, so I would say trust your instincts.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Open Relationships?
  This is a hypocritical issue with most men, because they enjoy their ability to step out without their woman trippin' about it, but they have an issue with their women steppin' out with other men (I guess it's the whole Alphamale thing). Then, there are guys who want relationships and openly want the woman to themselves and they're against it. Then, again, there are the ones who just want what they want, so (again) they could care less about what she's doing or who she's with. As long as he's gettin' his.
  
  
• Do Men Get Bothered When You Ask Them About Their Past?
  Yea, men get bothered by it, because they feel like it's emotional probing. We would rather you deal with us as we are. I liken this to most women not being honest and straightforward about their "number" (of sexual partners).
  
  
• How Do You Feel About A Woman Who Does Not Want Your Last Name After Marriage?
  I think that men have a problem with that, as it has this underlying implication of his wife not wanting to submit to her husband and let him be the leader of his family. I know in certain professional situations, a woman may need to hyphenate her last name, but most men believe that a woman should take her husband's last name.
  
  
• Is It Good To Make Your Man Jealous So He Knows You Can Get Another Man If You Wanted To?
  Nope. Purposely planting the seeds of jealousy will not bear good fruit, because it's based on the element of fear. Mates should not have to scare each other into acting right. Believe me, if your man is TRULY into you, he's already aware that another man finds you attractive as well.
  
  
• Are Men Okay With Their Women Having Male Friends?
  Most men don't trust their women around a bunch of men. It's like parents tell kids: it's not that I don't trust YOU, I don't trust THEM. A man likes to know that he's the man, and a ton of OTHER men around his woman can inadvertently arouse suspicions. Again, not of her, but of them.
  
  
• Why Do Some Men Hit Women?
  Most women-beaters are weaklings, cowards, and unable to communicate. Anger is the easiest emotion to convey, and if a woman is around a man who is that unstable and feels like anger and violence is the only way to get his point across, she needs to get help to leave.
  
  
• What About Girlfriends-How Do You Feel About Them?
  *glances at book again to understand the question* Men embrace their women having girlfriends, because just like men need their boys, women need their girls. Get down, girl, go head, get down.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Gossip?
  Men don't like gossip. It's like needlessly getting involved in drama, because that's what most gossip is rooted in.
  
  
• Will Men Talk About Their Women to Other Men?
  Men are VERY protective of women who mean a lot to them. They shield them from the arrows that others may throw. Men know that their are people who hate on happiness, and they note it when they talking about the women who don't mean as much to them. We do this because we are emotionally invested is these women ans we don't want anything to happen to them. It's like the first line of defense in protecting our women. Men may talk ABOUT their women, but rarely do we just open the gates and spill our guts.
  
  
• Is Getting on His Mom's Side Important?
  It's been said that fathers are protective of their daughters and mothers are protective of their sons. The man's mother is the closest woman to him and she is the woman who knows him best, so please believe that his mother's input on the woman will have a bearing on his conclusions about her. To expect to get into a man's good graces without getting along with the mother is not easy.
  
  
• If A Man's Sister Doesn't Like His Girlfriend, Will He Break Up With Her?
  Depending on her reasons, he will or won't. If he knows his sister is conniving, he won't worry, but if she notices her flirting with every male family member she sees, please believe the sister will whistle blow. I think it all depends on the relationship he has on his sister. He'll at least hear her out.
  
  
• If He Doesn't Like Your Family, Will He Stay With You?
  It depends on how tied to the family the woman is. Then again, the man should know about the woman's family before he gets serious. He will want to know of the people that are closest to his woman. If she chooses family and trying to calm the man down, he's gonna go and leave you to be with your family.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Baby Daddy?
  I really don't think I'm qualified to speak on this, due to my views on dating women with children.
  
  
• Will My Man Expect Me to Be Friends With His Child's Mother?
  If he cares about you, he'll make room for the two of you to befriend each other IF YOU TWO WANT THAT. Obviously, she's gonna be a mainstay in his life because of the child, so he wants you to know about her and to open dialogue so that you are comfortable with her place in his life and that you be comfortable with it. A man cherishes his woman's comfort level.
  
  
• Is It Okay to Interrupt His Day at Work to Talk?
  It really all depends on what she's calling to talk about. If it's important or something to add a bit of spice/happiness to the day, it's all good. If it's a call to gossip and on some "look what happened" stuff, let him work.
  
  
• What's the International Man Signal For "I'm No Longer Listening to You"?
  Listen to him. If he's like "let's find a solution and end this", he's tuning out. He's giving you an out to end it while he's still listening. Also, when you notice him start to space out
  
  
• Do Men Like Women Who Cook More Than Women Who Don't?
  Two sides to this one as well. Men like women who enjoy doing things for their man, but on the other hand, if she doesn't, we can appreciate a woman who is willing to learn to cook or learn to cook WITH him. It's an opportunity for quality time, which is its own plus.
  
  
• Do Men Secretly Evaluate Whether You'll Be A Good Mother, Homemaker, etc?
  If you are a woman we want to cultivate something with, we factor ALL that in. If you're just a jump-off or whatever, we could care less, because it has nothing to do with our destination. A man's evaluation all depends on how he sees you. If he JUST wants sex, he'll only look at the aspects surrounding that. If he's about wanting you around for the long-term, he's keeping mental notes. He won't always say, but I PROMISE, he's paying attention.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About the Way A Woman Keeps Her House?
  It most definitely matters, because a person's house is their sanctuary, and if you don't value your sanctuary enough to keep it up (ESPECIALLY when you know we're coming for a certain time), it speaks negative things about her. Besides seeing you in a condition that looks less than desireable, it says we aren't worth you neatening up. I think more importantly (to me, at least), is how clean her BATHROOM is. I understand I may have caught you in the middle of laundry on the weekend, but a dirty bathroom is inexcusable (and nasty).
  
  
• Are Men Looking For Specific Details, Like Credit, When They're Considering Long-Term Commitment?
  Things like this let us know what the woman is/was like before we came into her life. Before it becomes a write-off, though, I think it should be something you should talk about. There are situations where credit has been affected by circumstances that are reasonable. Now, if your credit is bad due to fiscal irresponsibility, it translates as a red flag. Irresponsible women are a huge turn-off.
  
  
• Would A Man Follow A Woman Who Has to Move Because of Her Career?
  Unless he's VERY committed and into you and sees a return on the investment, he will stay where he's at. Picking up and moving for someone is a HUGE step, and if he's not into you like that, he will remain local.
  
  
• Will Men Go To Counseling?
  If he feels the woman is worth it, he will do it without question. Otherwise, he will see it as her trying to get reinforcements to CHANGE him (and most men are resistant to other people trying to MAKE them change). How this woman fits into his life and his heart will determine that. I would definitely say that men won't do this with anyone he's not serious with.
  
  
• How Do Men Feel About Surprises?
  Men love knowing that a woman has tailored and customized an experience for her man's liking. However, some men are iffy about that in the beginning, because certain men may associate receiving gifts with an investment he doesn't agree with that she may try to get returns on later.
  
  
• Do Men Worry About Their Woman Cheating?
  Usually, men who are either insecure or doing dirt are the ones who worry about their woman cheating on them. I say that because someone who is insecure plays up their own shortcomings and overemphasizes others' strong points to the point that they feel less than worthy. The ones who do the dirt are the ones who know what it's like to handle business off on the side and try to hide it, so thoughts roll through about whether or not SHE is handlin' business, too.
  

I know this was a long list (I didn't know it would have been this long at the start), but hey, it's real talk.

-B