The Feeling's Love

Never will there be a greater mystery than the human male and female. Due to our ability to think and choose our actions, we are more erratic and independent than alll other animals. This means that our emotional makeup is also erratic. What is love? Do we desire love the same way?

My first guess would be a resounding no. Though there are exceptions, I just believe that we are wired too differently to have a cookie cutter desire for love. To be loved, maybe, but I believe that we as opposite genders have our different quirks. Science would tell us that women are emotional creatures and men are egotistical creatures. Also, women tend to be emotionally stimulated, while men are visually stimulated. Taking these factors into consideration, it would seem that at face value, a man may desire love based on how she looks and will look with him and his desire to be the alphamale, while women might desire love based on how the man makes her feel and the possibility of a future with security and stability.

In all "true love" scenarios, feelings do come into play and are the forefront of the relationship's structure. Flings come and go and may have superficial roots at best. Once it is developed, how does one know that it will work out? The truth is, you don't. There are many factors of many categories that can come in and plague a relationship. Internal or external, these circumstances can make things better, or a whole helluva lot worse. In order for a relationship to work, the 3 things it needs (besides God) is:

1. Honesty: Let's face it. If you cannot feel comfortable around that person to be honest with them, you're asking for trouble. A relationship should be a sort of sanctuary, a soft place to fall. What good does it do anyone if you feel that you have to be guarded all the time?
   
2. Trust: No matter how we would LIKE to think about it, the relationship is not about just us. There's another person here and reciprocity is a must. Just like you should be honest with your lover, you MUST trust that the person is going to be honest with you and will also have your back. If you're with someone that you can't trust, how can the relationship graduate into anything serious?
   
3. Communication: This is where it gets interesting. I don't care how good the two of you have the first two down, if there's no communication, you can forget it. The only thing people get accomplished without communicating is creating chaos. Doesn't mean everything has to turn into a Dr. Phil moment, but you GOTTA be able to talk to them on a real level. Don't fool yourself. Being able to talk is not a luxury. Life is too short to waste time with drama because someone failed to communicate properly.
   

Then, let's say things don't go right. Something went sour or whatever and the relationship is over. Then, do you reach a point where you can put the hurt of the past behind you in the hopes of grabbing onto the potential of tomorrow? Most people would say yes, but usually when they say yes, it's not happening to them. Heartbreak is a bad mofo, I'm not going to lie. We've all been there and none of us like it. However, there ALWAYS comes a point where you have to dust yourself off and keep moving. The longer you hang around to mope, the longer you remain mopey. I don't care how pretty you are, nobody will want to stay with a person who's always down, unless they're getting paid. You never know what blessing God will have in store for you that day. I don't know about you, but if someone wants to give me a present, I'm sure as hell not going to be sad about it. GIMME ME!! lol.

Also, it helps to move on because it's no fair making an innocent person suffer for the actions of the guilty. If someone you were seeing was scorned over a relationship you had nothing to do with, would you want that person to hold it against YOU? No. There is a difference between learning a lesson from a previous experience and just being an asshole. You can screw up a good thing by thinking that just because this new person has the same genetalia as the old person that their habits will be exactly the same. This is also why you should GET TO KNOW THE PERSON YOU'RE DEALING WITH BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO THEM. There is nothing wrong with taking time to do the research. I remember back in a high school English course, we worked on writing a paper for 3 months, because the teacher wanted us to make sure that we were doing everything thoroughly. If you believe you are worthy of getting the best person possible, you will invest in a lengthy interview of applicants. Just because they are cute looking and the man (in this case) has you dick-notized DOESN'T mean that you should commit to him a week after meeting! Don't use the "my biological clock is ticking" cop out either!! God is the one who provided you with a biological clock, so shouldn't you trust Him to find you one with whom to be with?

The key to this whole relationship thing is that it involves us stepping outside of ourselves in order to find happiness. In this thing called love, we must put ourselves out there and become vulnerable at times. Sure, this is never the easiest thing to do (especially if you've been burned before), but you've GOT TO step out of the box every once and again. The longer you take to realize that, the longer you will be alone. Love me for me, not what I can do for you. Do not lump me in a group with every other man you deal with. I'm not him and he SURE isn't me! Let's get to know each other without pigeonholing ourselves into this "we either get together or it's over" mentality. I don't know where God will take us, but let's let HIM take us there. Father, in Your name, we pray. Amen.

-B