Children Don't Get Weary

Okay, I'm gonna sporadically talk about various aspects of growing up with your parents as they come to me. It will be the "Children Don't Get Weary" series. I've talked to some of my friends about some of these issues, so I will share with all.

1. Life with siblings is ruthless at times. The whole "good child" technique, where you are ESPECIALLY on your P's and Q's when your bro/sis gets in trouble was enough to get you beat up. Then, there was the "phantom hit" technique, where your sibling would hit you, then run between the legs of your parents crying, and you get berated as though you assaulted them! Even with family, ain't no love in the heart of the city!!
   
2. Dad don't play that shit!! Sometimes, mom would talk some sense into you, but dad, shooooot. Dad would give you that look like he would unload at a moment's notice if you didn't get your act together. I sucked up a lotta 4 year-old temper tantrums over that look. Heaven help you if you called his bluff like you didn't think the look meant anything...
   
3. The first thing we learned about our parents in elementary school was the power of their signature. Progress reports, behavior write-ups, permission slips, all that. You get your parent's signature, it was like a gold ticket to override the system. "I can't do any work today, because my mom wrote this letter that said my hand and head hurt too much." Today's generation is blessed with computers, whereas in our day, we were working with forging, I mean HAVING OUR PARENT WRITE those letters all by hand. You young bloods don't know how good you got it.
   
4. No matter how good a person you are, you've all wished death on your parents at one time over something STUPID!! They wouldn't buy you an action figure or checked you over some stupid shit you were doing. Of course, them doing their job warranted that telepathic death wish. Sure nothing came of it, but for those 10 minutes, we were HOT!!!
   
5. Children HATE (read: HATE) the phrase "you'll understand when you get older." Why the hell do I have to wait?! I'm messin' it up NOW, tell me NOW!!! Don't lead me on with some 6-year cocktease. Let me in on the big secret, darn you!!!
   
6. Children should always have decoy hobbies. Always do one or two things that you enjoy, but are expendable. That way, when you get in trouble, the parents will be looking to take away one of your hobbies. Then, you can push the decoys like they mean the world to you. If that works, then BOOM! you can still do what you REALLY wanna do!
   
7. Parents will not be embarrassed in public. THINK you can get away with whatever in the supermarket, just because you're in public and you know the parent won't hit you in public. They will leave you alone. You go on like you got away with it. Get home, they don't say anything. Then Godzilla comes out. That house door closes and WHAMMY!! The words, the actions, the fury. You've been warned. Just because they don't regulate on that ass off top doesn't mean they won't.
   
8. Children are smarter than you think. They don't talk for a reason. They're getting your mannerisms down and what will and won't set you off. When they're in the infantile stage, they're still learning. They become children in grade school, they begin to emulate what they see you doing, adding and subtracting pluses and minuses along the way from both parents. Here, they do what they have to do in order to not piss you off. They grow to middle school children who have felt you out a good bit. They've paid attention to you to the point that they pretty much have seen you at your worst. It's here that they begin to try to outsmart you. They logically begin to plan their schemes out, staying in defense mode. High school brings the offense, because now, with you being their world, they think they know you. You can't tell them anything they haven't heard, so your lectures are just that: lectures. They know how to push your buttons without looking like the bad guy and they develop an uncanny sense of vengeance. They piss you off while keeping their cool, making you look like you're out of your mind for getting angry over something so small. They are mental stenographers, keeping a mental track of conversations from years back to use in their defense. Parents, switch up your style. Wild out over something small every now and again. Keep the children guessing.
   
9. A parent's bedroom is like a forbidden forest. They have WAY more stuff in their room than you, and it's an exciting thing. They have expensive electronics, a lot of papers, a TV, clutter, and other assorted goodies from the days of old that excite children. Of course, one day, they will rummage lightly, not moving anything they can't put back without the parents knowing about. Parents, if you're gettin' freaky, clandestinize the evidence, because the day WILL come that they find the flavored balloons and shaking sticks shaped like heavy toothbrush containers. Then again, they shouldn'tve been in your room in the first place, so ehhhh, do what ya do.
   

As I said this will be a series I will pick up as things come to mind. Enjoy and I hope I took ya back.

-B