Poetry Man

Date or Die

The other day, I was asked a question
A question posed by a honest confession
"I Want You", sung in a choral fashion
Eliminating all doubt from the request
After all, we'd been the closest friends
The rising sun gave us infinite reign
There was nothing we couldn't get into
Exposed us to delights of life then unknown
Shared measures and gestures of pleasure
Putting a skyline in each other's eyes
Everything culminating to this question
That pretty face lit up like Christmas
Those pretty lips parted and changed us
Wanting to know where all the fun leads

I reached out, her head now in my hands
Staring at the stars in her soul's window
Seeing as we hadn't crossed any lines
I said "listen, precious", and I felt ice
Excitement turning to sorrow as I spoke
Unraveling the story like a historian
Revisiting of our emotional constitution
Drafted from day one, signed in spirit
Friends were the nucleus and destination
Agreeing to enjoy one another freely
Her sorrow then dissolved into bitterness
Taking my hands from her skin as I said
"I'm not looking to date right now..."

She understood what I said, and thought
Before saying "I know, but I want you"
Saying she couldn't help how she felt
And she couldn't control who she loved
Loved who I was and the potential in me
Loved my spirit and strength of heart
Loved all the things we had experienced
Couldn't understand me not being taken
But just loved the fact that I wasn't
Agreed, not expecting to feel THIS good
But since the world had since been shown
All she saw was who and what she wanted

"Yes, but we agreed against it", I said
"Let's let our hearts decide?", she said
"I say we should both want this", I said
"We both know that you like me", she said
"But I don't want to go there", I said
"So, this is ALL it's gonna be?", she asked
"Don't look at it like that", I said
"Why not? This is going nowhere!", she said
"We've already gone QUITE far", I said
"...and you just wanna STOP?!", she said
I wanted to ask if it was really that simple
If she really wanted to throw "us" away
Fun and frivolity to be governed by rules
But before I could speak, she spoke out
Not wanting to hear my so-called "reason"

Sweetness departed as her demeanor changed
Opting to act in a cold, business calculus
Stating she had enough FRIENDS in her life
Speaking as if the high times were a waste
Our shared sweet nothings a clever rouse
Seeing what she couldn't have over sense
Rambling the King's English into the ground
Turning my stare into a victimized gaze
As we spoke out in differentiated volumes
Then, the back-and-forth stopped suddenly
And she saw things the way they had to be

The gloves came off and glasses came out
Spouting a list of self-policing criteria
So that I could protect her from wanting me
Things she was excited to do as my friend
Now off limits, as "friends don't do that"
Feeling she did no wrong, she was let off
To feel however and change the rules whenever
And as the calendar flipped, I was punished
Her fun drug's potency horridly diluted
Stepping on herself, only giving me crumbs
Bitter because she can't have all of me
My desire for her dwindling to a headache
Her calls became a task, outings a chore
From the speed dial to a cobwebbed number
I hated it, but I couldn't bring her back

I wanted the pre-pledge days to return
Before she thought she could skate in
And go where she pleased when she pleased
Before exclusivity determined happiness
Before the emotional gun was on my head
Given two difficult options: date or die

© Brandon Harris 2008